Think before you speak? Trust me it is funny!?

Question

Think before you speak

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Here are six reasons why you should think before you speak - the last one is great!



Have you ever spoken and wished that you could immediately take the words back...or that you could crawl into a hole? Here are the Testimonials of a few people who did....



FIRST TESTIMONY:

I walked into a hair salon with my husband and three kids in tow and asked loudly, "How much do you charge for a shampoo and a ********?" I turned around and walked back out and never went back. My husband didn't say a word .. he knew better.



SECOND TESTIMONY:

I was at the golf store comparing different kinds of golf balls. I was unhappy with the women's type I had been using. After browsing for several minutes, I was approached by one of the good-looking gentlemen who works at the store. He asked if he could help me. Without thinking, I looked at him and said, "I think I like playing with mens balls"



THIRD TESTIMONY:

My sister and I were at the mall and passed by a store that sold a variety of candy and nuts. As we were looking at the display case, the boy behind the counter asked if we needed any help. I replied, "No, I'm just looking at your nuts." My sister started to laugh hysterically. The boy grinned, and I turned beet-red and walked away. To this day, my sister has never let me forget.



FOURTH TESTIMONY:

While in line at the bank one afternoon, my toddler decided to release some pent-up energy and ran amok. I was finally able to grab hold of her after receiving looks of disgust and annoyance from other patrons. I told her that if she did not start behaving "right now" she would be punished. To my horror, she looked me in the eye and said in a voice just as threatening, "If you don't let me go right now, I will tell Grandma that I saw you kissing Daddy's pee-pee last night!" The silence was deafening after this enlightening exchange. Even the tellers stopped what they were doing. I mustered up the last of my dignity and walked out of the bank with my daughter in tow. The last thing I heard when the door closed behind me, were screams of laughter.



FIFTH TESTIMONY:

Have you ever asked your child a question too many times? My three-year-old son had a lot of problems with potty training and I was on him constantly. One day we stopped at Taco Bell for a quick lunch, in between errands. It was very busy, with a full dining room. While enjoying my taco, I smelled something funny, so of course I checked my seven-month-old daughter, she was clean. Then I realized that Danny had not asked to go potty in a while. I asked him if he needed to go, and he said "No". I kept thinking "Oh Lord, that child has had an accident, and I don't have any clothes with me." Then I said, "Danny, are you SURE you didn't have an accident?" "No," he replied. I just KNEW that he must have had an accident, because the smell was getting worse. Soooooo, I asked one more time, "Danny did you have an accident"? This time he jumped up, yanked down his pants, bent over, spread his cheeks and yelled "SEE MOM, IT'S JUST FARTS!!" While 30 people nearly choked to death on their tacos laughing, he calmly pulled up his pants and sat down. An old couple made me feel better, thanking me for the best laugh they'd ever had!



LAST BUT NOT LEAST TESTIMONY:

This had most of the state of Michigan laughing for 2 days and a very embarrassed female news anchor who will, in the future, likely think before she speaks. What happens when you predict snow but don't get any! We had a female news anchor that, the day after it was supposed to have snowed and didn't, turned to the weatherman and asked: "So Bob, where's that 8 inches you promised me last night?" Not only did HE have to leave the set, but half the crew did too they were laughing so hard! Now, didn't that feel good?

Answer 1

Hi, Rebecca,
Amazing narration, and even more so the events themselves.
specially the accident one. Kids being kids come out with the best purely cause of thier innocence.

My 7 year old son is a shy boy but very intelligent. I had taken him to office one day when he had off at school. One my of my company directors saw him, called him over and asked him if his papa is yelling at people at home too, to which my son replied.
" dad doesnt yell at home, only mom keeps screaming when they are in bedroom". Had the entire staff laughing for half a day.

Answer 2

Think Before You Speak Funny

Answer 3

wow that the best giggle I have had in a long time!!!! Definately testimony 4 and 5 had be in fits. I have two kids aged 4 and 1 and could just imagine them saying something similar!!
Will show this to my husband when he finishes work. I know they will make him laugh. Anything with farts in will make him laugh!!!

Answer 4

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Answer 5

Yes, a good laugh always brightens up the day. Thanks for that, the stories are very funny. I have probably jumped in with both feet a few times, but the occasions were so awful for me I have blanked them out of my mind forever!

Answer 6

Remember what Abraham Lincoln said: "It's better to say nothing and let others think you're a fool, than to open your mouth and remove all doubt." How did you write such a long question when there are restrictions?

Answer 7

hahahahahahahahahhahahaha good one, the last one was definatly funny and omg i can just imagine what the news crew was going through oh dear hehe i bet there stomach hurt so much after they laughed that hard.

Answer 8

Do you still want an answer?

yes, I try to think before I speak

Good story too

Answer 9

OMG..that is so funny. i like the one about the mum in the bank and the news anchor....oh..im so laughing my myself!..people think me is crazy!

Answer 10

funniest Ive read today keep them coming, who says the yanks don't have a sense of humour