7 year old having tantrums?

Question

My little girl has just turned 7, she is beautiful, clever, funny and the nicest person to be with 85% of the time, the other 15% I would rather be anywhere else!!

She has a tantrum over the stupidest things, yesterday it was over what bread we were buying in supermarket, the day before because I went through the door first and she wanted to!! I do not give in to her and she gets sent to her room until she calms down which could be hours later, I try to be patient but I usually end up losing my temper with her, she always says sorry when its over but its just words, she knows its the right thing to say!!

Me and her dad separated about 18 months ago and she was fine with the split - seemed to see it more as an adventure, maybe now reality is kicking in??

Please, somebody give me some advice, cos last night it got so bad that I actually discussed her going to stay with her dad for a while cos we just cant go on like this anymore!!

Answer 1

First let me say, there is NOTHING wrong with your little girl. She is normal as can be. Actually 85 - 15 is very good.

She needs consequences, sending her to her room to calm down is a great first step. This alone is fine for children under the age of 4. This gives them enough time to grow out of this stage on their own. For older children (5+) they must learn that this behavior will not be tolerated anymore.

It's up to you, but this is what we do with our girls ages (7, and 10) if they pulled the tantrum thing over the age of 5. They get a spanking. Mind you I don't mean a few swats, I am talking about a spanking right out of the 50s pants/underwear down over the lap for at least a dozen swats. Don't just do the swat thing, i don't think that teaches them anything. My older 2 girls never throw tantrums anymore. If you do this though, you have to be consistent. Don't just spank her one time, you have to be on the ball with it, every time. Also you have to wait until she is calm before spanking, yes even if that means waiting 2 hours, she is 7 she still remembers what she did.

Hang in there mom
Best of luck to you, i know how the tantrum thing goes,lol

Answer 2

I would say it is probably relating to the seperation kids have the same emotions as us they just dont know how to express it so it often comes out as anger / tantrums etc. they are also able to understand alot more than you would think so i would sit her down and talk to her about her feelings ask her is anything bothering her, when shes about to have a tantrum is there anything that triggers it and how does she feel etc.
tell her you understand and will help her and are there to talk at anytime if she needs it and about anything at all

after that maybe try doing a reward chart mark out the 7 days of the week pick say saturday or sunday for reward day let her help choose what the reward will be but nothing to big, say you both go to the pictures or shopping or something you can both do together or she gets a new cd or whatever, and then everyday if she goes through the day without a tantrum she gets a star and when her chart has all the stars for that week you go on the reward.

Good luck i know its not easy i've been there myself.

Answer 3

some kids react better when you ignore the tantrums, other kids need to be told firmly that they can't do that. put her on a quick time out and tell her why, or take something away from her, something she really likes. i wouldn't threaten her with sending her to dad's house, that can backfire on you in so many ways. and when it comes to making decisions like what to wear or what kind of bread to buy, don't include her in the decision making. that way she knows who's in charge and how it's going to be. she's a child you know what she needs to eat or wear, she just knows what she wants and likes only. i never ask my son if he wants this or that i just say here you go and i don't have a decision problem with him. my son is 6yrs old and i'm a single mom since he was 1yr 1/2. if your daughter is having too many tantrums it could also be that she needs more structure in her little life, i was having problems with my son in school and with him not listening to other adults and stuff and it was because he wanted attention. i have after school activities for him now and he's on a tight schedule now and he's become so well behaved in a matter of 2 to 3 weeks. but it all depends on what's going on with the child. talk to your pediatrician about it, they have helpful info too. good luck

Answer 4

Does she have any brothers or sisters, if not I doubt the tantrums are about getting attention from you. It could be to do with the break-up and a general sense of loss/ sadness, or it could be a phase. Sounds like you are on the right track with ignoring her, it's important for you to stay calm. Maybe say things like "darling, it's easier to shop when we stay calm"- shows you care but that tantrums are to no-one's advantage, and doesn't concentrate too much pressure on her. You could ask a third party (friend, cousin) to explain to her how things would be better if you both get along. Good luck.

Answer 5

don`t give up on your little girl they all go through tantrums and 15% of the time is not that bad walk away and let the tantrum go on without u watching ,seven is an age when they go through changes, try praise the positive,ignore the tantrums and when she calm talk to her and tell her how she makes u feel and explain if she feeling upset about daddy to try and tell you in a different way,she will get out of this in time and when she sorry you should give her a cuddle accept the apology and tell her you love her and tell her that her behaviour is not acceptable ,ask her why going through the door first is so important to her but you need to be calm yourself when you do talk about stuff to her ,sometimes its worth letting them do these little things to avoid tantrums in the first place and its not going to cause you a problem to let her go in ahead of you if u know its makes her happy. she may be pretending its ok that daddys not there for your benefit ,don`t give up on her though she is precious to you and the 85% of the time she is good makes its all worthwhile,i don`t think smacking a child is going to make a child be good ,they just don`t be naughty out of fear of you and do you want your child to be scared of you especially with their knickers pulled down to be spanked ,it is actually illegal to treat your child like this and classed as child abuse , being naughty and having tantrums is part of being a child and learning right from wrong

Answer 6

Patience is a virtue. Any split between parents is difficult for a young child to take however it is not acceptable for her to act out in this way. Find a way in which she feels comfortable in expressing her feelings to you. Communicate to her what you are feeling and create an environment that will encourage her to speak to you openly about the trouble she is obviously having with the split of you and your spouse. Do not threaten her with sending her to her fathers. Threatening a child is not very effective in behavior modification. Good Luck.

Answer 7

If you want to see a behavior again pay attention to it. That goes for good and bad. My suggestion is to praise all the good and ignore all the bad.
If you are the only one she is doing it with, there is something that she is getting out of it from you. You need to sit and figure out the function of her behavior... what is she getting, attention. negative or positive is always attention.
I wouldn't suggest that she go to dad's. It sends a message that 1) that you aren't willing to go through this for her, 2) that she can play you and your ex 2) I suggest talking to school guidance or a local mental health advocate. Maybe look up your local branch of Federation of Families for CHildren's Mental Health.

Also - check out the book The Explosive Child, its' wonderful

Answer 8

I feel like that with my 5 year old so I know what you mean and I have her father here for support so my heart goes out to you!!
I think the best thing is to just ignore her tantrums but to reward and praise her for good behaviour......I'm trying this at the moment and its easier said than done but apparently it does work.

Good Luck xx

Answer 9

Shes testing you.
And she will continue to test her limits with you, until you set the rules.
This is not the behavior thats acceptable.

Youre own feelings of whatever your separation will effect her is effecting you, and perhaps youre too lenient with her.
Kid throws atantrum over bread is a kid that deserves alittle tap on the butt to show thats inappropriate behavior.

heres a question, what if you send her to her father, and when say shes visiting you, and she still does that tantrum thing...what will you do then?

point is, deal with it. Let her know you are the leader of this household, and instead of sending her to her room, tap that attitude out of her. She will respect youfor it, believe it or not.
So long as after it all settles, you explain why its unacceptable and that you love her.
At 7 years old she should be smart enough to comprehend it.

Sometimes we have to set the boundaries, otherwise kids will step all over us

Answer 10

as she gets older you will find that tantrums happen at similar ages, so she will probably calm down for a while and then start again!! my stepson had tantrums every 2 years, 5,7,9,11!!
the separation probably isn't helping the situation, and don't ever threaten to send her to her dads for bad behaviour! then she will see her dad as a punishment! make a behaviour chart with your daughter and then reward for good and take away for bad behaviour! for example if she is good then she gets a sticker and when she has a certain number of stickers she can have a treat (e.g. new toy) if she is naughty then you take away a sticker and one of the toys that she plays with!! this worked for my stepson!!

hope it works for you!!