would you wait 1 1/2 year before getting married?

Question

I recently been in a longdistance relationship. Before this we lived-in together for more than year. Now, we are in a (4 hour flight) long distance relationship. I want to marry my girlfriend because first i love her and i waited 25 years to find and meet her. second, the only way we can be together again is to get married. we live different countries USA and SKorea. so getting a visa is the only way to be together again. the fastest way is fiance visa.

the problem is this. i proposed to her. She agreed and we had a long plan of setting up our future. but when i asked her mom, she told me that she needs to give her daughter 1 & 1/2 year before getting married. The background to this is that her mom feels lonely (she recently became widowed) so she needs to see her daugther to be happy. now her daughter agrees.

i dont think i can wait 1 & 1/2 year. it's like being divorced before marriage. what should i do? what would you do?

*her mom cannot speak english.
*my gf has a sister.

Im american. she's korean.
Im 25. she's 23 years old

thank you all for the wonderful advice that you gave me. give me hope and makes me more happy. & helped me a lot.

Answer 1

Out of a whole life time 18 months isn't very long. If you love her she is probably worth waiting for. If waiting that time will make the situation easier for her mother to accept and there easier for your girlfriend to adjust to then it's probably worth waiting.

On the other hand it seems odd that her mother is able to put such an accurate time frame on when she will have got over her grief and be ready to let her daughter go. I live in a different country from my daughters. I miss them desperately but I'd never tell them they had to stay home just to keep me happy. I can't imagine I will feel any differently about them in 18 months or 18 years.

You should talk to your girlfriend next time you have an opportunity. Tell her exactly how you feel and all your concerns. If the relationship is worth it you will find a way between you to make it work.

Answer 2

Point blank YES!!

While your feelings will tell you one thing the Gravity and Reality is this, That 3 out of 4 marriages WILL end in Divorce and the Divorce rate is even higher for those who have lived together. Divorce is a very costly thing, It touches and can devastate those at the center you, her, children. Then parents and siblings are also affected. Decisions on birthdays and holidays of who spends when where, TRUST ME: If this happens you WILL NOT be in control of and will be RRRRRipped to shreds if / when things go against what you will believe in your heart what is right.

In Ohio I have to follow this "guide line" called Shared Parenting. While I do have to follow it as it has been modified "slightly" to fit the situation, the original document is very slanted to the woman/ mother of the children. I owe the modifications to my attorney which is yet another cost to weigh in on the decisions of hypothetically "What If....."

While the statistic is just a number supported by facts you like most will be "lead by the Heart" and say "We WILL be the ones who beat the odds".

Please, please look at this 3 out of 4 Marriages will end in divorce and of those 3, 2 of them lived together prior to their wedding.

But, let me give you hope. You could be the 1, but it will not be easy.

And, Yes , I would still wait the time,not just for time sake. Her long standing tradition of family will be honored and you will most likely win her mother's affections toward you. The support of a parent Will go along way.

Congratulations on finding love,
hopefully True Love.

Answer 3

If you love her, you'll wait. It sounds like she's extremely close to her mother and is going to wait the year and a half. If you feel that is too long to wait, you might want to date other people where you live and find someone you like close to home. If not, you're only 25 or 26. In a year and a half you'll only be 26 or 27, and still young enough to enjoy a long and happy marriage with her. Best wishes.

Answer 4

My husband and I were together only 3 months before marrying (eloping) but the Catholic Church requires a one year waiting period before they would even consider marrying someone, so waiting 1 1/2 years is not that unusual, so if you truly love her you will understand that she needs to help her mom and her mom needs her (moms and daughters tend to be closer than moms and sons)- you make the suggestion that mom come to live with you after a little time.

Answer 5

in my view, i'd wait till you the two are greater finanically stable. i'm 20 and married. i'm additionally at school finished time and artwork section time so as that enables out. My husband has an incredible activity nonetheless or we'd have waited even longer. We dated for incredibly much 6 years. i comprehend how that's to prefer to get married so undesirable yet comprehend that it relatively is no longer the time. yet i'd wait till you get out of faculty a minimum of so as which you will get a factor time activity to help out with the money problem. yet in the top it relies upon on in case you 2 think of you're arranged or no longer. this is something which you men would desire to ascertain and don't permit everyone else permit you comprehend the thank you to stay your existence. stable success : )

Answer 6

Well, we are both americans and it's taking us 1 year to get married- I think that's pretty standard. If your going to spend the rest of your life with this girl then what's a 1 1/2 out of the big picture. Plus you enter a different family with different traditions!! 1 1/2 years will go faster then you think.

Answer 7

You know, it takes a long time to plan a wedding, so why not use this time to plan it and get things sorted. You say that you love her, so what's 1 1/2 years when you are going to with her forever. She has agreed to marry you and she obviously loves you so why not do that. I think that he mum and her sister will respect you more if you agree to this as they will see you as a good match for their daughter/sister and they will know that she has choosen wisely.

If I were you I'd start looking around at wedding venues etc, start planning it so that you can have a perfect day.

Answer 8

I hate using cliches but the old anything worth having is worth waiting for comes to mind - you've already waited a long time so a little while longer isn't going to hurt you - plus that gives you lots of time to plan the wedding and make sure all of the details are worked out to make it the perfect day for both of you

Answer 9

The national average for engaged couples is 18-20 months before getting married...they are going all out for the engagement rings and then saving up their money to pay for a ceremony and reception that they really want. It isn't unusual...I'm planning on being engaged a good 18-24 months first.

Answer 10

well if you can deal with a long distance relationship then a year and a hlf is nothing me and my fiance where engaged for 2 years becuase were paying for the whole wedding plus hveing a baby and getting an apartment...relationships come with wrk some times hard wrk but if you love her and she needs to be there for her mother then respect her wishs im sure she wants to marry you quicker to but dnt make it such a big deal...I mean she said YES so be happy and congradulations