Why does this happen to me?

Question

Okay, I am really shy, but can now hold a good conversation with female colleagues. On numerous occasions now I have had great conversation with girls I've worked with - the conversation can go for ages, we're both laughing and having a good time, sometimes there's a little bit of flirting/joking happening (but I'm not very good at that). The conversation usually goes into personal life outside of work.

But this is what is pissing me off. When I suggest catching up, even if its lunch outside of the office, it seems that I get a rejection - they either say they're not having lunch, or they're too busy (and sometimes they say they're flatout for a couple of weeks).

These same women don't treat me differently after they've said no. Am I not correct in thinking that if they say no because they think I'm coming onto them, they would be less friendly?

So what do I need to do to stop this happening? Pls give me specifics of what I should do. Im desperate to figure out what I'm doing wrong

Answer 1

Its seems odd and usually a person thinks they can control it, but dont date people in the office. Dont keep your eyes closed either for possiable the very special "one", if this is the case then one way to put it to the test is are you willing to quit your job for the woman. But this isnt the issue.

With the women in the office they may also have this attitude, so this is one reson they can be avoiding the "catching up lunch"

Put it on paper the woman you desire, the reason for the relationship. You'll beable to see more clearly as why your persuing women.

Shyness is something that is instilled in you by yourself. Your trying to change this which is great :) My guess on the matter is your pursing women in the office because your to shy to approach strange women or know how to approach them. This is what my business has taught me and what I now teach people.

I was very shy aswell, now Iam a salesman lol its all in your head. For me all it took was 10 times a day write down an affermation "Iam an interesting and fun to talk to" sounds corny but it works lol. Now what my business is about.

How do you meet people?
you dont meet people sitting at home you meet people going out and doing things.

Come home from work, have a shower get something light to eat (to heavy will make you sleepy) and get back out. First week you'll go out, walk around go home lol. (this is the way it worked for me, and the person who taught me hehe) Second week, you'll go out and smile. 3rd week smile and say hello. 4th week smile hello and... How you doing? :) It may be months it may be days. everyones different.

Now where? On a park bench, just sit down and read a book. Keep looking around every so often, so so casual. Coffee shops, food court, shopping line up, window shop, even walking down the street, if you find yourself walking beside someone, you'll blow their socks off if all you do is turn smile "hi, how you doing?" reply "fancy meeting you here, I wouldnt have expected it :)" little laugh nod your head slightly yes (a single easy light nod, dont go all nuts lol). If she responds theres your ice breaker. "My names so and so, whats yours" even offer to shake hands. Then slip into the basic non intrusive questions, do you live in the area, how was your day of shopping. Look for clues. She dressed for work, carrying shopping bags, have books, etc. If she speeds up shes trying to get away, let her go. If she slows you might have a green light, if she maintains pace you have ayellow light, and shes just waiting or is neutral. Dont use "Soooo how you doing" This shows weakness be straight up, direct You wouldnt see John Wayne on or off the screen going "soooo... whats... up?"

People love you when you trully listen, you become their best friend. Learn to listen, it makes them feel important. Also you show signs of being teachable in my business this is BIG, so keep it up. Be yourself dont be someone else, beconfidant in yourself, and when meeting people dont try to date them, just meet them, if they seem interested try a

"would you be interested in coffee?"
"Great how about Sunday 2:00 (place)"
yes busy.... etc
"okay what time will be good for you then, or maybe I can get your number or email address (email less intrussive)"
....
"its only fair here is my number, smile havea nice day glad I met you" nod and walk off. Dont expect them to call you, call in 2-3 days.

Two big and final things, Stop being a "nice guy" start being a "good guy" nice guys are weak friend buying people, Good guys are good people who care for people and tell them what they should hear not what they want to hear. They stand up for themselfs and their believes even if they take heat. 2nd Learn positive thinking and dont even joke about being stupid (the sub cauntious dosnt understand jokes) One book to read is "think and grow rich" napoleon Hill, it will change your life if you want it to.

Good luck, Like Gretzky said, "you miss 100% the shots you dont take"

Answer 2

Hey Maggs,

Doesn't sound like you're doing anything wrong. But keep an open mind that some women prefer to keep pleasure out from the workplace, so starting anything with a colleague or colleagues can be difficult for work (considering you all share the same work space).

For them to reject you might be a subtle hint to remind you of that principle - not mixing pleasure with work. You'll probably be better off meeting women outside your work group.

On the other hand, if you do decide to pursue this... perhaps the idea of "lunch" is a big step. Instead, try this... after hours, go for MacDonalds nearby - keeps things low and casual and none of that "big" step by going to a pub or anything like that.

Cheers~
-martini man

Answer 3

Moral and values and they have strong ones. They feel it's okay to chat to you whilst at work, but don't think its right to socialise outside of the workplace. Although, their sense of morality remains to be questioned. Looking at it from a neutral point of view, i guess they think that you're not their type and don't want to pursue a relationship with you other than the work relationship. Don't ask them out to lunch cos they think it's a date. Stop pushing cos you're evidently doing so. Let them be friends, and thats it. Don't go over the line. It's okay to talk about personal lives but you're intruding and that's not on.

Answer 4

Dating colleagues is really a bad, bad idea.

Look for companionship elsewhere. Church, clubs, service organizations, volunteer groups.

Steer clear of office relationships~~!!

Answer 5

Are you male or female?

Answer 6

try different after shave