What do you think about this poem? It might seem wierd. Just let me know.. I am tring to see if I should publish this poem or not.
Murder #1
In red car,
Driving far
With needles bending
My wits ending
His not caring
Being daring
Stabbing blankly in the dark
Looking at where he parked
Another day another day
Wonder what lies today he’ll say
Wonder blankly what dues I’ll pay
Don’t think this time I’ll be okay
Grabbing hair bending knees
Scrapping bones and skin that bleeds
With each sign it reads
Dead end... woods appearing
Knowing life is ending shortly
With each blow to my head getting deeper
Each twist of the knife going steeper
I guess I’ll be an all day sleeper
Wait until I see the reaper
Carry be back to his all day keeper
2006-11-14 18:09:20 · 15 answers · asked by t_marie_02 2 in Entertainment & Music ➔ Jokes & Riddles
You write well,
But rhyming should not actually take importance over your flow of thoughts,
Like U said "His not caring,Being daring" doesnt actually gel with the image of your guy you have portrayed, so keep the thought process on & express it as it comes, then modify and replace words to rhyme.
But I think you are good, You only need practice.
Good luck.
2006-11-14 20:02:45 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Go for it! I liked it. Try it out at open mic night at a coffie house or gallery..get feedback or be daring and print up 59 coppies and post them on mail boxes, lamp post, jewlery stores, inside the dryers at the laundrymat, on dogs, the sidewalk, every where
2006-11-15 02:18:13 · answer #2 · answered by the_rotoryphone_rides_again 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Reminds me of my uncle Sam
2006-11-15 02:13:29 · answer #3 · answered by Highly Envious 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
That was good. Did you intend it to be with an irregular rhythm?
2006-11-15 03:15:23 · answer #4 · answered by Hardrock 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
dang, i just copied this poem on the poetry contest. I hope i win.....
2006-11-15 02:19:10 · answer #5 · answered by choo_hoo 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Good one.
2006-11-15 02:26:56 · answer #6 · answered by Electric 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
not bad
make the verses longer/line
2006-11-15 02:12:10 · answer #7 · answered by D *)sukky 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Did you compose it? NIce one.
2006-11-15 02:13:00 · answer #8 · answered by manang bruka 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
totally awsome
kinda sadistic
2006-11-15 02:10:40 · answer #9 · answered by chapped lips 5 · 3⤊ 0⤋
Good!
2006-11-15 02:11:40 · answer #10 · answered by Rollercoaster 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋