is this abuse??needs help emergncy?

Question

my dad is confusing is thias abuse well he said i can were this one lipstick the next day i wear it he gets mad says im going to bording school im grounded and hes never leting me see my skanky mom agin is this abuse he moved me 2 a place with him and his new wife wen i was 6 then said how shannon was my real mom and wen i give him a hug he kinda spanks me it dosnt hurt pls i need help

Answer 1

no, it' s not abuse. If the love tap he gives you doesn't hurt but is making you uncomfortable just tell him that. I am sure he doesn't mean anything by it. As faras the lipstick goes, there was just probably a miscommunication. I'm thinking you are probably too young to wear lipstick anyway. Try lip gloss instead.

Answer 2

If this is on the level, yes, you are being abused. Maybe not sexually but emotionally. You should discuss this with a relative you can trust, however, it might get back to him. I do not know what his problem is, but you should not be living there with this jerk, and his "new wife", that is your real mom, and not your "skanky" mom. I don't know how old you are, and if there is another side to this, but it is much more than just not letting you wear lipstick when he says you can, but sounds like he and his new wife may prefer to be just them, and not you, and taking it out on you. I would discuss this with someone, if not your real mom, that you are not allowed to ever see again. If this does not work, then you may have to go to your school counselor and tell her you want to talk to your real mom, and if they can find out why you can't. They may not like to hear all of this, and turn it over to someone else. It is not bad enough to be against the law type of a thing, but it is a abuse. I hope you can take this in your own hands and do something about it. If you think he will spank you over this, then you might have to tell the counselor that you are afraid. There will be some kind of help, I assure you. He should not be "spanking " you over a hug, unless it is another kind of a hug. There is a lot not being said here, but just a loving hug to your father, does not deserve a spanking. I had a father somewhat like this, and what it does to you, is make you mad at men, and can do damage to future marriages and relationships, where you do not trust men. I have been married for a long time, but went through two other marriages before this one. Try to do something, so you can get the right kind of love, or you will feel unlovable and your Dad needs to know this before it is too late and do too much damage to you. Good luck, and God be with you. You are God's child and worth all the love there is, you do not deserve this.
P.S. I am not a guy as in the picture, they changed us all to guys who do not have pictures for some reason. I am a 68 yr old grandmother, with 10 grandchildren, and have been through a lot in my life so far. Nip this in the bud right now. God bless.

Answer 3

A good chunk of that sounds like borderline emotional abuse. Trouble is, it can be hard to prove if the guy is abusive or if he's just a complete dick. The thing that pulled it over to the abuse category for me is that he's spanking you, and not for disciplinary reasons (which I would still find inappropriate if it was, but that's a personal opinion). Your best bet is to let a guidance counselor or teacher know. Any other adult in your life may steer you in the wrong direction, but teachers and guidance counselors are usually trained to help you through this and know the appropriate actions to limit the trauma of the eventual confrontation...it's what I would do, anyway...all that's a matter of opinion, but I hope it helps

Answer 4

depends did he get custody of you when they divorced. if so he has the right to ground you. my parents threatened that military school thing only problem for them is that i wanted to go. remind him that he said you could wear it nicely, if he says no wipe it off and put it back on at school but make sure you take it off before you go home that day. i dont understand though why he would spank you when you hug him, but i suggest that you not anymore. was it just a little tap or like a beating? he may just see it as a love tap, but instead it's just a little too hard. i was spanked with a switch or a belt growing up, my father wasn't the best father would be an understatement. just stay calm do what your father says, unless of course it's illegal, and get through it till you can move out to college or after highschool. sorry about your situation.

Answer 5

You're caught in the middle; being a child of divorced parents isn't easy. I think you're more confused than abused.

I don't know about the "spanking" with the hugs. If it makes you uncomfortable, tell your dad not to do it. If he continues, that would constitute abuse as you told him "no". If he doesn't know it makes you uncomfortable, he can't really do anything about it... right?

With the lipstick, perhaps he didn't know what it would look like when he first told you OK. When he saw it on, perhaps he then decided it was over the top.

As for calling your dad's new wife "mom", you have the right to not do that. If you like her, if you wish to show her respect, show her respect. Perhaps you can come up with another term for the relationship.

If your dad calls your real mom names, confront him on it. Call him on his crap. Tell him flat out that she is still your mother and that you don't wish to hear him bad mouthing her in front of you. It's his right not to like her, but it's your right to tell him you don't like it.

If you want him to think about what he's saying, ask him why, if he doesn't want anything to do with your mom, is he still letting her rent space in his head. As long as he entertains bad feelings about her, he's still thinking about her. If he wants it to be over, let go of the bad feelings, then he'll have real freedom from the relationship.

For your part, if he continues to speak bad about your mom, just remember that he is coming from a place of anger and resentment. His feelings cannot affect your love. If he tells you stories, just remember that what he is telling you is simply a rumor. It's a story from an angry, and possibly hurt man. Anger and hurt always cloud truth. Don't pay attention to it.

If you ever feel in danger, you already know what to do. I don't think it sounds like you are in danger, but you are certainly living in a dysfunctional situation. The good news is that many have been in much worse places and come through it as wise and lovely people. Don't let your dad's anger turn you bitter.

Answer 6

Talk to someone about it like a counsellor or teacher that you trust but remember this -

If you are just full of BS you may get taken away from your dad and he may never get to see you again.

So I am not saying you should put up with anything that you feel uncomfortable with - just make sure that you think really hard about whether you think it is abusive or not. DONT do anything while you are angry. If it truly does feel like you are being abused you will feel like you need to talk to someone all the time. Not just when you are angry.

Answer 7

I think you should clarify this a little so it is more understandable. depending on your age now, it's hard to determine if his spanking is a sign of affection or a form/sign of sexual abuse. some abusers will do little things like that, and keep testing how far they can go with it until you figure out "this is not right"..not accusing him of being that kind of guy, but you have to understand this post is hard to figure out. if you have contact with your mom, you really need to talk to her. does she have any custody rights to you? are you old enough to go the the courts and tell them you'd like to see her or live with her? nevermind the lipstick usage, that is no big deal, however, he should not talk badly about your mom and try to pass his new wife off as your mom.

Answer 8

I don't think your dad should be calling your mom a skank. He's an adult and shouldn't be projecting his feelings abour your mom to you. You should be able to see your mom whenever you want, unless she was abusive or something like that. The spanking, if it didn't hurt, then I don't think its abuse. It sounds like a pat, but if it feels uncomfortable in anyway, and if he ever tries to do more than a pat on the behind, I would go and talk to a councilor.

Answer 9

Your dad sounds like he doesn't know what to do about your growing up. He's freaked by your lipstick and overreacts, then tries to pat your behind when you hug him? Give the man a big space cushion and play it cool. Ask someone who knows him and you, who you trust, if you feel abused. By the way - don't ever let anyone talk you into taking pills for life's difficulties. You're supposed to learn to cope, not poison yourself into submission. Growing up is hard.

Answer 10

I can see that you resent to be moved away with your mum. You felt that you're caught in the middle between your mum and your dad's new family (new wife, ie. your step mother). It is hard on a child, going through the transitions involved when a family breaks up, and trying to cope with the changes in a new-formed family.

It is amazing that you are able to cope with it and have been doing great! So look on the brighter side.

Also, you need to understand that your dad is trying hard to make this new family work. And that he is concerned about you, guess you're at teenage growing years, trying on lipstick. He is just worrying for you, his daughter. Try talking to him more often, about things that you're doing in school/outside, your friends. Make him a part of your life, invite him to events in school that you join in or go shopping with him.

Hope it helps. (,")