Do you know any good one-liners?

Answer 1

These are funny...

1. Regular naps prevent old age… especially if you take them while driving.
2. Having one child makes you a parent; having two makes you a referee.
3. Marriage is a relationship in which one person is always right and the other is the husband!
4. They said we should all pay our tax with a smile. I tried - but they wanted cash.
5. A child’s greatest period of growth is the month after you’ve purchased new school uniforms.
6. Don’t feel bad. A lot of people have no talent.
7. Don’t marry the person you want to live with, marry the one you cannot live without… but whatever you do, you’ll regret it later.
8. You can’t buy love . . but you pay heavily for it.
9. True friends stab you in the front.
10. Forgiveness is giving up my right to hate you for hurting me.
11. Bad officials are elected by good citizens who do not vote.
12. Laziness is nothing more than the habit of resting before you get tired.
13. My wife and I always compromise. I admit I’m wrong and she agrees with me.
14. Those who can’t laugh at themselves leave the job to others.
15. Ladies first. Pretty ladies sooner.
16. It doesn’t matter how often a married man changes his job, he still ends up with the same boss.
17. They call our language the mother tongue because the father seldom gets to speak.
18. Saving is the best thing. Especially when your parents have done it for you.
19. Wise men talk because they have something to say; fools talk because they have to say something.
20. Real friends are the ones who survive transitions between address books.
21.I used to be afraid of the dark, I saw your wife naked now I'm afraid of the light

Answer 2

THese are from ROdney Dangerfield....all good one-liners:

Last night my wife met me at the front door. She was wearing a sexy negligee. The only trouble was, she was coming home.

A girl phoned me and said, "Come on over. There's nobody home." I went over. Nobody was home!

A hooker once told me she had a headache.

I went to a massage parlor. It was self service.

If it weren't for pick-pocketers, I'd have no sex life at all.

I was making love to this girl and she started crying. I said, "Are you going to hate yourself in the morning?" She said, "No, I hate myself now."

Answer 3

Dislexic Satan Worshippers Sell Their Soul To Santa

I go fro 0 to B*tch in .1 second

I am sorry u confused me for someone who gives a ****.

I am sorry I only date my species.

It's not ur fault ur parents gave u s*it for brains

I knew u were trying to think, I could smell something burning.

I would have a battle of wits but u came unarmed.

Answer 4

An advertisement by the manufacturer of Bra and Panty:

" May be we are not best in the world, but certainly, we are closest to the best things in the world"