i am from germany so my family could'nt be here. i had most friends come by during the day and my in-laws later that same day. three of my friends that i consider family stayed when my family arrived. my in-laws completely ignored my friends, went in the kitchen instead of the living-room! i was busy cooking and caring for my son and all i could do was to be embarassed. because i do not want this to happen again i called my mother-in-law a day later and asked what could be done to change this situation since my friends will be invited again. she told me it was my responsibility as a hostess to see that everybody is interacting and i simply did it wrong! i introduced them, told them where i met them and for how long we are friends. is my mother-in-law right? did i fail as a hostess or are my in-laws simply rude? what can i do?
2006-11-14 14:58:41 · 13 answers · asked by gabriela 5 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
No, you are not a bad hostess. If one has the luxury of hiring a cook and a babysitter for the party, then the hostess can devote herself solely to the guests, but most of us must do as you did--make introductions then try to juggle the cooking and the children.
To my mind, it's the job of family guests to make friends feel welcome--and I place in-laws in that category of family. Your in-laws were the ones who failed by acting "clannish." When people are insecure and refuse to interact, they are indeed being rude, but they will never admit it.
The remedy takes a lot of time. The in-laws simply need to see the friends enough times so that they will begin to consider them familiar faces, and hopefully then, they will be willing to accept them into the family "clan."
2006-11-14 15:11:49 · answer #1 · answered by Latrice T 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
This situation does not seem strange to me. It could be a simple cross-cultural misunderstanding. A North American hostess resposibilities lie in making sure the party is taken care of via the supplies (cake, enough refresshments and food, perhaps enough chairs, music, etc.) . N. Americans do not usually facilitate conversations other than introductions. On the other hand, some cultures need a go-between to be constantly there (e.g. Japanese) as a buffer between the two groups for communication to take place. Lubricating the conversation, if you will. I suspect differences in cultural practices made both parties feel uncomfortable and without you paying CONSTANT attention to bringing the two groups together, they retreated to the safety of mingling within their own group, even sitting in different rooms. It must have been frustrating for you!
In the future take more care to act as a buffer and let the little things slide (like taking care of the food prep). BTW what was your spouse doing during all this?
2006-11-14 15:09:22 · answer #2 · answered by wandering_canuck 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
To begin with, I am sorry that you didn't have as good a day as you planned to have. your in-laws were indeed rude due to the fact that they did not try to interact with your friends. however, they are also right being that you as the hostess bears the responsibility of keeping the atmosphere enjoyable. to avoid this problem again, perhaps next time, you should prepare the meal ahead of time, finding recipes that can be reheated and still taste good. and before the meeting next time, call up your in-laws and let them know that your friends will be there and see if that's okay. also, let them know that you guys are a family and you'd really like them to support you and try to be friends with your friends. let your friends know that your in-laws will be there. from what i can tell, your in-laws are not happy with you, but that doesn't mean you give up and be rude to them, bc u have your spouse to think about. ask your spouse to talk to your in-laws too. perhaps they will listen to their child more than to you? good luck.
2006-11-14 15:04:39 · answer #3 · answered by BlueGirl007 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
plain and simple your in-laws are just rude. You did your part by introducing them getting the conversation started...even if you wouldn't have done that for them to just ignore your friends is very rude...Im sorry that you are put in that situation I would suggest telling your in-laws that their behavior offends you very much and if they want to come back in your home then they need accept your friends and treat them with respect. After all it is YOUR home what some in-laws have a problem dealing with is that their childrens lives are not theres to control anymore and you have every right to be upset and tell them how you feel..Good Luck and don't be afraid to stand up for yourself! you sound like a very nice person I hope it all works out for you.
2006-11-14 15:03:54 · answer #4 · answered by thereis 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
When it comes to the early birthdays of little ones sometimes family feel that time should be family time and friends are an intrution.
If you feel you made the best effort possible - that is all that could be done.
Next time - have as much prepared before hand as possible so that you can be the mixer mingler for all needed and just concentrate on the good time and let the fussers be the fussers somewhere - else!
2006-11-14 15:02:41 · answer #5 · answered by Marsha 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I have 9 sister in laws on my husbands side of the family. I could write a best seller with all the stories I could tell of my life (14 years) in this family.
Your IN -LAWS were rude! A good friend once told me 'if you continue to be a doormat - you will continue to be walked on'.
Hang in there - Best Wishes.
2006-11-14 15:04:01 · answer #6 · answered by garden_mom 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Maybe your in laws , just are not very social! Why would you want to change them?or maybe your freinds were the ones being rude to your in laws? Maybe you are more worried about what your freinds think about your family, then you should be!
2006-11-14 15:03:35 · answer #7 · answered by rae 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
um, it is obvious that from the statement, that your mother in law is rude. sure, there were probably ways of furtherly increasing your service of hostess. but you did not fail, it was just stubborn family.
2006-11-14 15:02:49 · answer #8 · answered by David 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Simply rude!!I think all in laws are like that.
2006-11-14 15:00:45 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yeah i know its rude, Mine did the same thing, my sons 1st birthday was in september an my inlaws did the same thing its like they thought they where better than everyone...
2006-11-14 15:08:31 · answer #10 · answered by ohio_gurl042 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋