I need advise about a child.?

Question

My nephew is a bright 11 year old for his age. Up to recently, he has read books about 4 years or greater than his age. In fact, he has tended to read more than 1000 pages a week and hide behind books. He is sharp witted and over time was recognized as gifted and talented. He tends to be a bit of a know it all and certainly apt to argue with anyone including adults about anything. If he could be a certain occupation for his age, he would be a lawyer.

Here is the problem: This year his grades (which got him into a school for advanced children) have gone from A's and B's to F's. He is doing his homework but taking absolutely forever. He is not turning in his homework which his mother can vouch has been completed the night before. He states that he "can't remember" if he did or not. But the teachers are failing him. He is getting into arguments with kids his age. His parents find him exceedingly difficult. Lately, he is monopolizing everyone's time with conversation about his stuff.

He has three siblings of various younger ages.

The point is that he is changing dramatically. I haven't even mentioned the dramatic emotional outbursts....

What is going on...? This is a well adjusted family in general. The dad is stationed in Iraq for a year...but the kid was having problems before he left.

Do you have any thoughts or solutions?

Answer 1

Depression. I believe he is reaching out to those around him and this is the reason for the outbursts. He may also be to a point in school where school is very boring for him. You need to get him the proper evaluation and continue to work with him. With the proper stimulation and supervision he can again excel.

Answer 2

A number of factors could be involved. Diet, enviroment, depression are just a few. Negative attention is better to some children than none or little. Being the eldest it is easy for parents to count on them to be mature and to help out with the little ones and are not treated with the same affection and attention little ones get. He is still a very young child and he may be taking his problems from home into school. You say this was going on before his dad left, but could it be that his dad was absent alot before also. Please encourage his parents especially his dad to be more plugged in. Write letters, emails, phone calls, send gifts to let him know that he is being thought of and still acknowledged. It wouldn't be a reward for him failing but it may be a boost he needs. The strongest role model for a child is the same sex parent. The issue about ADD is definitely a possibility with the symptoms of lack of focus and concentration. Meds are great even if just to help teach him that he is capable. His self esteem must be hurting by knowing and hearing the people he loves around him think that he is a disappointment. A great book is The ADD Solution. There is also a lot of information on Dr. Phil.com. A child with ADD is in no way a reflection of the parent or bad parenting either. A Child Psychologist is the best way to go with these issues. He is lucky to have a such a caring aunt/uncle to try to get him the help that he deserves. All children deserve to be given a chance to feel confident and good about themselves.

Answer 3

As I was told with my son "it's the age” I never did like that answer but to tell you the truth it doesn't get easier. At his age they don't know where they fit in. Also there is a big possibility he is getting teased at school for being so smart because kids these days are really mean. Puberty is just coming along so he has a lot of imbalanced chemicals in his body or he could be upset about something. Maybe his parents should seek counseling so he can talk to someone that he can confide in. Hope everything turns out good for you nephew. Good Luck!

Answer 4

Something is making him miserable. It is as simple as that. He is also seeking attention - another clue something is wrong.

For the next little while detail his life with him - who does he walk home from school with, who are his friends? who does he hang out with at school? what makes him mad? how does he feel when he gets mad? etc etc etc etc

He needs time and work. His hormones are probably catching up with his intelligence - always a hard time. Maybe he needs a non intellectual time out - hockey and cadets are always a good combination - something for the body and spirit, and something team building and discipline building.

He's fallen off the boat. He doesn't need therapy or any of that jazz. He needs some serious family help and support. His dad isn't here, so find an uncle or someone he looks up to that is male to have some good times and good conversations with. He is talking and talking - eventually something will come out. Maybe no one is listening to what he is really saying.

Get his eyes tested, and allergy testing done too. Sometimes the little things no one thinks of make a world of difference. And monitor his internet activity - he might be picking up an attitude online.

Answer 5

I'm sure this could be a number of things. Maybe he is trying for attention. Maybe he does not want to be that super smart kid anymore. Maybe he has an entirely different stress than we cant guess at after all he sounds very mature and alert. Sometimes its not that great to be too mature. My suggestion is take him to a counselor. Not a psychiatrist or therapist just a school counselor or a local counselor This is not to dramatic it will just give you a professionals opinion and hopefully it will help your nephew get through whatever it is that he is dealing with. Good Luck!

Answer 6

You might want to get a physical for this young man to see if any thing physically is going on with him. He sounds like a wonderful gift from God and needs to be tended to. A lot of times we can misconstrue an exchange of thoughts and information as arguments. If there is nothing physically wrong you might want to look into a child psychiatrist (this is no longer a negative thing) for this young man to vent and get to the root of the problem before it is too late. If the problem is uncovered he will probably go back to the grades previously held because the knowledge is still there. May God bless you all in this endeavor.

Answer 7

Attention-deficit/hyperactivity disorder (ADHD) (sometimes referred to as ADD) is thought to be a neurological disorder, always present from childhood, which manifests itself with symptoms such as hyperactivity, forgetfulness, poor impulse control, and distractibility.

The symptoms of ADHD fall into the following two broad categories:[6]

Inattention:

1. Failing to pay close attention to details or making careless mistakes when doing schoolwork or other activities
2. Trouble keeping attention focused during play or tasks
3. Appearing not to listen when spoken to
4. Failing to follow instructions or finish tasks
5. Avoiding tasks that require a high amount of mental effort and organization, such as school projects
6. Frequently losing items required to facilitate tasks or activities, such as school supplies
7. Excessive distractibility
8. Forgetfulness
9. Procrastination, inability to begin an activity
10. Difficulties with household activities (cleaning, paying bills, etc.)

Hyperactivity-impulsive behavior

1. Fidgeting with hands or feet or squirming in seat
2. Leaving seat often, even when inappropriate
3. Running or climbing at inappropriate times
4. Difficulty in quiet play
5. Frequently feeling restless
6. Excessive speech
7. Answering a question before the speaker has finished
8. Failing to await one's turn
9. Interrupting the activities of others at inappropriate times
10. Impulsive spending, leading to financial difficulties

Answer 8

We have a gifted program at our public school. A lot of the kids in the group end up acting out in different ways. I think they end up feeling too much pressure. They know that more is "expected" of them. One of my son's teachers two years ago wanted my son nominated for the program. In a way it is good, but in other ways it is too stressful. I think his parents need to ask him how he feels and why he is acting out. Let him know that what ever he tells them, they will understand and stand behind him 100%. If he wants to go back to his regular school, let him and let him go back to learning the extra things on his own. That may have been what he enjoyed and was taken from him. I hope your family can figure this one out, it must be hard for you all.

Answer 9

Sounds like there is some deeper hidden issue here. A child will not just turn around like that for no reason. Maybe he is over being the smart kid and just wants to be normal or maybe he is being bullied at school. Really you are going to have to speak to him. He is the only one who can tell you the underlying reasons for his change in behavior.

Answer 10

I am just making a guess, but maybe when he was in the regular grade level ( not advanced) maybe it really made him feel extra special and smart because he was doing so well because maybe they were not really giving him real challenges, but maybe not that he is in the accelerated level he sees other kids that are as smart as he is and it may make him feel a little bit threatned possibly,, and it may cause his self esteem to drop a little. My advice would be to keep encouraging him totry really hard. Let him know that he can do anything he wants to do as long as sets his mind to it. I really hope this helps.