Ha ve you as a parent ever just washed your hands of your children?

Question

My mom did when I was 18 except for every once in awhile it stayed like that for over 20 years just because I moved out and took my son with me. i was over 18 and she didn't agree with me leaving. She hardly ever saw my kids until they were grown. Please never totally disown your kids they did not ask to be brought into this world. My 28 year old was a handful all her life and we had many arguments resulting in awful things said by us both but she always knew I was here for her no matter what. 11 months ago she was murdered by her BF her and I had augued the day before which sometimes resulted in our not speaking for awhile but because I knew she was upset with her BF I went to visit her and tell her I loved her around 8 hours later she was dead. I say this to spare any parent the anguish of letting the last words be angry ones. Trust me if you lose a child it is horrible no matter but if your last words were in anger well all I can say is I proably wouldn't be able to live with myself

all parents should remember what it was like as a child and instead of repeating things that happened to them they should remember how they felt and find better methods like they say if you wre abused as a child you will probably be a child abuser that's crap it should be the opposite and I wish they'd work on that so the cycle would stop. Don't set people up for failure my childhood pretty much sucked and I made sure though I was not a perfect parent by far my kids knew and still do that I LOVE them no matter what and am here for them

Papabear just so you know I tried to have a relationship with my mom it was her choice totally I wanted my kids to have a grandma as my dad left my mom when as I 12 and left his kids alone too. My little bro died at 21 in 1997 and even though my mom had treated me as she did I left my youngest who was in high school with her dad and moved to Fla. for almost 3 years to help my mom get over her grief and she is disabled so I am not selfish and i still even during those years sent my mom a gift and card, on mothers day, b-day, and christmas but never received any in return nor did my kids

she had my youngest sister and her 3 kids and that seemed to be all she wanted my older brother still doesn't speak to her because of the way she did his kids I have tried to change this but he won't listen to me and thinks I'm crazy to have forgiven her but she is my mom

Answer 1

I am a parent of 3. One of them soon to be 16. I could never wash my hands of my child. Although, my mother did it to me when I was 13. She came home one day, packed her bags, and without a word left! I was there with my 18 yr. old sister, who was trouble, and my 16 yr. old brother. Years later my mother told me if I would have just called around to find her I could have followed after her. She was just trying to get away from my older sisters. Of course, at the time I didn't know that, couldn't know that, and I wound up running away from my sister, with a guy, to a place I had never been and was dumped by him onto his older brother and sister in-law. WOW, why am I telling all of this. Anyway, I met a wonderful guy, yes it was kinda weird getting into a serious relationship at that age, but it has turned out great. We have been together for 21 years and 3 kids later and I wouldn't change it for the world. Now back to my mother. She now lives with us. I could have some really hard feelings, but I've always thought that I couldn't possibly know what my mother was going through and I don't think she ever intentionally meant to hurt me. I love her and would rather have her near than far. Almost anything can be forgiven when you know how to truly LOVE!!!

Answer 2

I'm so sorry, I can't even begin to tell you I understand - I honestly do not even know what to say - aside from I'm so sorry and I hope you are able to heal to a point that life still holds some joy and happiness that you can share with your other children.

I'm touched so much by the fact that you made such a point of not doing to your own children what was done to you! I think that's wonderful and something to be so proud of! No matter what the circumstance your daughter knew she was loved, respected, and accpeted and that is something we ALL need so much! It's hard to know what the right thing is if we weren't taught by our own parents - so many will use that as an excuse
"That's how I was raised" I always ask them "Well how was that for you? Was it enjoyeable - did you feel loved?"

I'm sure your daughter felt that love and that conviction to do better by her than you had experienced.

Thanks for sharing, your insight was helpful.

Answer 3

I'm sorry for your loss. My mom and I have had a rocky relationship, she was on drugs when I was younger and I was raised by my grandma since about 12. Now I have a son and my biggest fear is failing as a mom. Although, my mom and I have a decent relationship now, we still fight sometimes, and I'm always afraid of what my last words will be to her. So I try to make things right, right away.

Answer 4

It's too bad children do not come with instructions. We all make mistakes and love carries us through. I have two grown daughters which I reared as an only parent after divorcing thier father (that's a whole nother story). They turned out wonderfully but it was not easy. We went through many tough monments but I would not trade either of them for anything and I have two wonderful son in law's and six beautiful granddaughters. I consider everything we continue to go through worth it all. To answer your question. No, I pray to God I never wash my hands of my children because this would cut me off from my future generations and right now we have five generations and my mother or my grandmother have never washed their hands of me but I have been reminded a couple of times that I was a hand full also. May God bless you and your family to keep it together for the sake of your future.

Answer 5

Most streets are two way streets. Ur mom allowed u to walk out on ur relationship just as much as u allowed her to stay out of ur and ur children's lives. U nor her suffered the worse ur children did because of both ur stubborn selfish ways. I'm sorry for ur loss I have had my share of losses, Mother, children and grand-children. I alienated my children through no fault of my own or so I thought. Their concept and mine of their growing up to hear each other tell it is two different versions not so black and white. Many harshed words have come between myself and those I have loved. Today I'm spending whatever energies I have left to savaging the relationship I have my loved ones and am trying to salvage my sanity in the process. U could've sent the kids to ur mom if u didn't want anything to do with her I'm sure she would've loved that and so would ur children, but instead u let ur prides miss out on some of the most important times of ur lives, ur children her grandchildren. SAD!!!!!! U can still do something about it if ur mom is still alive though before it's really too late and u have another loss God forbid.

Answer 6

Oh my, I am so sorry! My youngest is 18 and all we seem to do is fight. I too feel she will meet her fate by the hands of her bf. He is why she moved out and gave up all the things she loved in life. Including her family. He wants her all to himself. We have not spoke in 5 days and she lives 1 mile from me. My heart goes out to you and I am calling her tonight. I am so sorry!

Answer 7

So sorry for your loss. I can't even imagine!!!

Answer 8

i could never imagine what you are going through...i am so sorry