What do I do about my daughter in law not wanting to bring my grandchild around people who are sick?

Question

we went to a get together with the family and my niece was there and she just started having a runny nose and cough. When my daughter in law and son showed up within the hour they were leaving because she did not want to get the baby sick. There were relatives they have not seen in months. I was very hurt and now she is mad saying I knew all along someone was sick and did not tell her. I did not know anyone was sick that day I did know a few weeks back some of them were but they were over it already. She is now saying to my son I am not going to your moms house for any holidays and he has told her that she will not keep their child from me. How do I handle this?

Answer 1

Most likely they will relax later on in their parenting. Sounds like this is their first child, her behavior is very normal. I don't really blame her for not wanting to bring her baby around anyone who is sick. All my girls pick up the worst colds at annual Christmas party's, as parents we know when the baby is sick LIFE STINKS, for everyone. You had your chance to mother, now it's her turn, I would say don't interfere what so ever, you could inadvertently cause a huge rift between you and her which could mean she tries to keep her kids from you (I don't know what kind of person she is) So your best bet would be to back off a little. They will come around

Answer 2

First off, while you gave us the lowdown on the circumstances surrounding the little get together, you gave us no information on the daughter-in-law or the grandchild. I have 3 grown daughters and my husband and I have custody of the two grandchildren from our youngest child. The children are a little boy who just turned 3 and his sister who is 2. She was born 8 1/2 weeks early and has had problems all of her first 20 months. She had to get the RSV shot every 28 days until her second birthday. So in light of her circumstances, her first outiong from our house was when she was 4 months old and that was just to go to church and get blessed. Then she went back home and stayed until she was 6 1/2 months old and had hit the weight of 7 pounds.

I realize that you cannot keep a child away from everything and I personally don't think a runny nose is anything to run from, but it isn't my child and I don't know what type of environment your daughter-in-law was raised in.

I had a birthday party for my grandson just last week when he turned 3. My oldest daughter called and said her son had been throwing up all night. I told her to stay home because although hated for him to miss the party, I did not want the 2 children I am raising nor all the other children at the party to get ill.

I do think you daughter-in-law has gone over board and I applaud your son for sticking up for you. It may be that she is looking for a way to spend the holidays with ehr family and this is the perfect opertunity.

Being as she is the mother top your grandchild though, you have to be patient and kind and try to resolve the issue. Because like it or not she decides where her child goes and it would be worth it to me to eat a little crow in order to see my grandkids.

So sorry you are in this situation but think of the baby and do what you must to get to spend time with that grandbaby.

Answer 3

I don't like taking my child around sick people either.. I don't know why she blamed you though and is threatening to keep your grandchild away from you. Perhaps you said something to her about her leaving that made her mad? If you did, apologize and try to be understanding because that mommy instinct can be very strong when trying to protect our babies. If you didn't say anything, you need to sit her down and have a heart to heart talk to her and let her know you understand she is trying to protect the child but you can't help it that people get sick and you both need to get over what differences you two have for the sake of the child. Perhaps next time she would agree to stay in a room with the baby where sick people are not allowed and those that are okay can come in and visit. Hopefully she does realize though as the child gets older it will be exposed to tons of sick children in school and germs outside of the home... plus getting sick is how our bodies develop immunities.

Answer 4

As a mother of young children I can understand the mom, and yet, I can understand that you want to see you grandchild.

But, I generally try to avoid any sick people with my kids. And, I don't take my sick kids out either.

Maybe, during these cold and flu months, you should consider visiting you grandchild and his/her house. Be courteous......don't just show up, wash your hands before touching the baby (if she is very young and esp if she is the first child!!). All the books you read these days talk a lot about hand washing, keeping the baby from germs, etc.

I mean, really, who wants to be at home with a sick child so Auntie Sue could coo at her for 30 min and her cousin sneezed in her direction and now poor mom is up and down all night for a week or more.......with a sick baby.

Answer 5

You failed to mention what age the grandchild was, is this her first child? I totally understand her point but it is possible to keep the baby away from the sick people. If the sick person doesn't understand that they can not hold the baby until they are well - then they are not only sick but rude also. New moms have a tendency to overreact, overprotect and over panic - give her a break (do you remember your first "mommy moments"??) Invite her to coffee and assure her that at future family gatherings - measures will taken to ensure the health of everyone present!! You just might find that she is willing to meet you halfway

Answer 6

The whole thing has gotten blown out of proportion. She definitely over-reacted and is being a bit over protective but she only has the best intentions for her child. Unfortunately, this may be one that you will have to suck up because she doesn't seem the type to budge in this situation. Give her a call and explain that you were not aware of the sick family member. You would never 'endanger' your own grandchild knowingly. You would hate to miss out on your grandchild's life because of a misunderstanding. Let her know that you want her to be involved with the family and that you hope you can resolve this. You may not feel this way or agree with her parenting but you will get what you want much easier.

Answer 7

Don't take this personally.

It sounds like your daughter-in-law had a panic attack. Maybe she lost a family member or friend to an illness, or maybe she is just afraid of germs herself.

Just give your son and daughter-in-law some time and they will eventually come around. For the present keep the connections going over the phone. Be sure not to exclude anybody. Tell your daughter-in-law the sick child honestly didn't appear to be ill just a short time before this happened, and it was a shock to you too. Tell her you'll be more careful in the future, and you are so sorry your grandchild was "accidentally" exposed.

Good Luck!

Answer 8

First time parents are always a bit overprotective & it's difficult to explain to them that they are probably over-reacting. Be calm & explain to your son if you don't feel you can have a conversation with your daughter-in-law. It's their child & she has the right to not bring the baby around if she doesn't want to! Just remember, grandma's just don't have the control anymore on the kids, but tell her you're just sad everyone didn't get a chance to see the baby.

Once you knew there was someone there who was sick, maybe you should have removed her from the general area, maybe a bedroom with a TV or something so that she was away from the baby.

Answer 9

Your daughter in law's behavior was perfectly reasonable in that removing the infant from a sick household is a good idea. She's been up all night with a baby for long enough as it is, give her a break. Do you not remember what it was like caring for a sick infant? Your behavior after her removing the infant was probably what sparked her not wanting to spend the holidays with you. To be quite frank, anyone trying to tell me I don't have the right to do as I wish to protect my child from illness or injury would be told to shove off very quickly.

Answer 10

Your daughter-in-law is being reasonable not bringing a child around people who are sick. I wouldn't do it with a baby, anyway. However saying she's not coming to your house for any holidays is different. It sounds like you guys might not have the best relationship anyway if she says that. You guys need to sit down and have a talk and be honest with each other. If you're telling her how to raise her child you need to stop now! They'll figure it out fine. Find out what your daughter-in-law's real concerns are and promise you'll always tell her if you know someone is sick.