Why am I on the offensive?

Question

I was having a conversation with my dad earlier, we were talking about my little brother, I was trying to stick up for him because everyone seems to be laying into him for getting into a bit of trouble at school.

He's only 14 & having a hard time at home & at school lately & I thought my dad should give him a little bit of a break & stop having a go because he's only 14 & his hormones are probably all over the place.

ANYWAY!......My dad says I'm always on the offensive & have an answer for everything like I'm being attacked all the time. I asked him what he meant & he just said I always have to defend everything or have an answer in particular.

I see what he means but why do I do that? For what reason? Why am I on the offensive all the time? I don't understand & didn't realise that I did it! Can anyone help me understand?

I'm 19, nearly 20, so I am a bit older than my brother. I wasn't arguing with my dad & we never usually argue so I don't really understand the reasoning behind what he said & he didn't know how to explain.

Answer 1

Ya know, I am amazed, I bet you are not to much older than your brother but you took into concideration what your brother is dealing with in his life,AND you give merrit to what your dad had to say.... that is impressive. What you have done is difficult to do at any age. Now... You are a young adult, it wasn't to long ago that you were where your brother is at, just starting to feel you had the right to do something without asking for permission first...not saying you nesessairily made the right choices but you felt you had the choice, now you are feeling a little safer on your own two feet and realise there is good logic in your head ( and you are right, there is.) You are egar to share and show mom and dad what you have learnd too.It also hurts when they do not want to see what you are saying. In a nut shell you are growing up, and defending your right to have an oppinion and to be an adult that has a vote that counts. It is like there is a fear that this new found freedom/ controle or inlightenment will be taken away -logicly we know it cant be but emotionaly is what you speak to your parents with. That old saying you hear people say- " You'll always be my baby...." is true,because they will always know what to say to set you off and you will always know what to say to set them off...the trick is ( and that is the next stage of growing up ) to learn when to back off or tackle from another side. By the way moms and dads do some defending too. ( I know I am a mom.) Later when it is all calm go talk with your dad, he and your mom seem to be more inteligent than I am and you can get more insight into what he personaly ment. I myself think they are lucky to have a young adult like yourself in the family and I they are too. Good luck to you and I hope I helped you at least a little. Once again my spell check is down so please excuse my spelling, I am a dyslexic.

Answer 2

Seeing the good in others and/or trying to be the good guy/gal is not a bad quality to have. But realize also that sometimes perhaps some of these people are getting what they have coming to them. Maybe you are starting to sound a little too much like a know it all to your father and he is just wanting you to take a close look at both sides of the story before speaking aloud on subjects. A friend of mine gave me this advice many moons ago, "always put your mind in gear before you put your tongue into action". Just thought that I would share this saying with you as it can be a very hard thing to do at times.

Answer 3

You probably keep your feelings bottled up all the time, thus you being on the defensive all the time. You bottling up your emotions and not confronting them makes you feel in a way like you are being attacked and that no one understands you. Be more open and if you have a problem with anyone or anything, confront that thing or person, this way your feelings dont feel so hidden.