My husband and I spend a lot of our social time with his siblings. The one's we spend most of our time with are either just about to get married or don't have any kids yet. They all enjoy spending time with us and our three girls, because they want kids themselves. But I often find myself jealous of their freedom and their new relationships. And it bugs me that we aren't like we were when we were first together anymore, since we hardly have alone time without kids and my husband never treats me special anymore. I kind of wish now that we would have waited to have kids until all of them do. Mostly so that we could do all of the activities and go on dates with them, without our kids. But also because I see them travelling and going to school and having good careers, and we missed out on those things. Is it normal to have these feelings? Is there any way to make me feel better? Don't get me wrong, I love my kids and we do have some friends with kids that we enjoy time with.
2006-11-14 10:51:05 · 6 answers · asked by mommyem 4 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Parenting
I am in the same situation as you and had felt the same way. Now that the children are older, we can go out on dates and have more together time. Although you think that you would have liked to wait to have children, just think when you children are grown and out doing their own things their children will be young still and not then have the together time that you will have.
2006-11-14 11:17:30 · answer #1 · answered by FANNY 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Oh man, I can totally relate!! I don't "wish" I didn't have any kids, but I do sometimes wish I could just go out sometimes with my husband, like dating, without really having to plan it. I UNDERSTAND! I have 2 kids, ages 4 and 1. Like I said, I don't ever wish I didn't have my kids, they are a total blessing from God and I love them so much!
The only advice I have is to spend as much alone time with your husband that you can. At night, or during the weekend. Make a night out a week that you hire a babysitter or take to Grandma's house for the night or a couple of hours. Maybe even stay at a hotel once a month, if cost permits. We did that a couple months ago and I just found myself wondering how the kids were all night! :) I know...duh. But sometime in the near future I want to go on a real vacation with my husband if I can DO IT! :) We'll see.
Good luck, and you are totally normal. Just don't take the chance and the choice of being a mother for granted. It does not, however, have to rule your life EVERY DAY of the year.
2006-11-14 19:28:20 · answer #2 · answered by the_proms 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I suggest getting a baby sitter for a weekend, and having a nice romantic weekend... doing whatever - things you can't do when the children are there. My husband and I also miss this time, so when we do get the opportunity (which isn't much) we will go to the movies, or out to eat, or spend a nice day at home together. But also, talk to your husband and let him know how you feel. I know now having a 13 month old, you both probably feel drained- with all your energy gone, which in return can cause you both to not ignore, but pay less attention to one another because you are giving all that energy to your kids. Try to do as much as possible with your husband while playing with the kids- play with them. I know with my son, he loves it when I get on the floor and play with him, but when both my husband and I are there, it's fun for us all!!!
Goodluck, and don't feel so bad. It's okay to want a little time alone with your husband.... don't be jealous though... you have wonderful kids now- so they do make you grow up a lot... I find if we do have weekends without our son, the house feels very empty and makes me feel I don't really have a purpose without him. SO I couldn't imagine my life without my son. Take care!
2006-11-14 18:59:30 · answer #3 · answered by m930 5 · 3⤊ 0⤋
Now I don't have kids myself but I do think when I have I kids they are going to be great. So just enjoy your time with them while you have them. Your husbands siblings wish they had them. And they don't know how lucky you are. If you want freedom with just you and your husband, set aside a date night maybe once a month. Then maybe get your husbands siblings to watch them since they want kids it will be a great experience. That's all I got for you so I hope it helps.
2006-11-14 18:59:05 · answer #4 · answered by Daiseee 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
No its ok to feel what you feel. Its life. =) Nothing is perfect. Why dont you try doing what you want. Bring the fun back just the two of you. Once a month or so. Cant say you regret, because you would erase everything you did enjoy. There will always be someone who envies someone...
2006-11-14 19:00:39 · answer #5 · answered by life 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Hey, if they enjoy your kids so much, why don't you set up a reqular "date night" and let them have the kids for a sleep over, or at least babysit while you are out?
2006-11-14 19:00:13 · answer #6 · answered by mailatac 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋