How can I help my shy 6 year old in school?

Question

During parent teacher conferences last week I was informed my son was nodding his head instead of talking to his teacher. This was a shock for me because I thought by now he would have warmed up especially since we had him attend Kindergarten Camp (like summer school) for three weeks before Kindergarten started and he's been in extended day kindergarten for the last two months. Extended day is where he goes from one teacher and one group of kids to another teacher with another group of kids. I'm wondering if this is too much for him or if this could over time help him to come out of his shell. I don't want to put too much on him and at the same time I don't want a social issue get in the way of his education. I've been told the extended class is a "wonderful opportunity" with many "benefits" but am not seeing results especially since he's not talking to his morning teacher. I feel as though I should be exploring a few other avenues for him and am hoping there will be a few suggestions.

Answer 1

The first thing is... don't worry. Kids get socialised at different rates. Some kids, like some adults, are just quieter than others. I believe that it is not necessarily the right thing that teachers sometimes assess children according to a cookie-cutter kind of model. People are different, and socialise differently, including children.

Obviously, since this behaviour was a shock to you, your son acts differently at home... am I right? If he was shy and unforthcoming at home, I'd recommend that you saw someone about him - maybe a child counsellor or something. But if he just isn't settling into school yet, he's probably just shy.

It may be that the extended day system doesn't suit him. Shy people tend to like to get to know someone and develop a trust relationship with them before they really start interacting. It might be easier on him to have a more regular system when he has the same teacher and same friends all day. I have to admit that I'm 33 and I still think I would prefer this for myself!

It sounds like you're doing everything that you should about this...and he's only six, AND he's a boy, who often are developmentally behind girls at this age. He'll catch up!

The other thing that you could do for him is to take him to some sort of after school activity that you can help supervise. An after school sports team... a musical instrument... art classes... scouts? The idea is for him to have interests that he likes to do.. and that he can share with others, AND that you can support him in the opening stages of interacting with other kids and adults.

The main thing is that he knows that he's loved, and that you accept him being the way that he is. He make take his own time in reaching out to others, but I don't think that's a great cause for concern. Some people are observers, some are performers, and some change from one day to the next.

Good luck, he's a lucky boy to have a mom who's so involved in his schooling and his well-being.

Answer 2

The degree that someone is introverted or extroverted is present from birth, and is difficult to change substantially. He may be a child who needs to be informed ahead of time what is going to happen and what to expect. He may be a child who would rather not know ahead of time as that can cause more anxiety.

If I were in your place, and thought this was a big problem for him, you may ask if you can have a friend "observe" in the classroom. This person should be someone unknown to him, but someone whom you know and trust their judgment. The teacher probably should not know anything other than the person is "observing" the entire classroom, maybe you could infer that they are contemplating a teaching career. I then think this person should pay close attention to how the teacher speaks to/interacts with him. She may be giving subtle negative reaction to your child or putting him down by tone or inflection.

And I DO agree with the above suggestion of enrolling him in a martial art discipline. Helps them on many different levels. Another thing that may help him is to make friends with one of his classmates. Can you find one that you think suitable, and arrange a playdate over the weekend? If he has a "buddy" in the classroom, it may help him a lot.

You know your child best, and it may just require more time.

Answer 3

You can't really do anything to help a shy child. One of my children started Kindergarten this fall. If a child is shy I don't think there is much you can do, my child just started talking in school. He is in all day Kindergarten (no other options) I think the more time he spends in the situation the more comfortable he will be.

Answer 4

I experienced the same thing with my 6 year old. She has gradually come out of her shell and I attribute it to dance/gymnastics classes and Girl Scouts. She does well on class work, but the hobbies outside of the classroom seem to be what has promoted her growth. The extended class is probably better than nothing but if there were another program or activity he could belong too (such as sports, scouting, etc) maybe it would help him to gain confidence in his abilties in and out of the classroom.

Answer 5

sometimes kids just take time toadjust some more than others. I would gently question him if there is something about this teacher that frightens him or puts him off from them. If not I would encourage him to speak up a little and to look the teacher in the face when he is talking to them/I was very shy in school until I hit puberty and then my mom could not shut me up. LOL so i would just take it easy and sometimes they have to remember he is 6 years old. good luck.

Answer 6

well i could tell you sooo many things i went through with my son ...he's now in the first grade and doing great.we put him in speech therapy because noone could understand him but us,so of course we became concern he was going to be attending public school the following year.we notice that follow week that our son said his first COMPLETE sentence we where soo happy.so take advantage of the classes AND what really important help him at home .their are books out there that can help what ever the challenge is.they LOVE the one on one w/us as parents.it's going to take some time BUT you will see the difference.hope things go well .cindagirl...mother of three!

Answer 7

You could ask about a theraputic style class/ counselor for him.
They may get him talking and more in tune with his feelings. Also help him to learn to express himself and introduce him into crowds.
He also may have an issue with the teacher herself. Is he this way to the afternoon teacher?
Anxiety could be an issue and is more common the though in young children.

Answer 8

The boy needs self-confidence, and he needs to be a boy. Forget analyzing him and all that other baloney. Get him in a karate class and let him break some things.