My husband is morbidly obese and in denial about it, how do I get him to face the facts?

Question

Hello. My husband is morbidly obese and does not seem to care. He was overweight when I met him, but since has let himself go to the point where I am starting to become discusted. I do love him, but he is 300 lbs and will not believe me when I tell him it is dangerous and he is in the morbidly obese category. I am a nurse and have seen in the hospitals what can happen to morbidly obese people. He thinks he is just overweight. He eats so much food it is ridiculous, enough to feed an entore family at meal times. When I ask him to get exercise, or to eat a less he gets angry with me. I need him to lose some weight, I can't stand sitting here with my mouth shut while he eats himself to oblivion!!!! My question is, is there anyway to get my husband to see the truth about his weight?

Answer 1

First, you really need to stop nagging him. He probably got a lot of that when he was a kid and all you are doing is re-enforcing his bad eating habits from youth. He is doing the comfort food thing. You are not showing him love and acceptance.

It is difficult. I understand how you feel. I also understand how he is feeling and how difficult it is for him. No body wants to deprive themselves. Being hungry is no fun. It is like a punishment. So creative eating is the answer. It can be done. He doesn't really need to exercise if he will eat as much as he wants of specific foods and leave other foods alone.

He would probably lose weight if he would choose to give up only one food. Bread. Or beer. It is one step at a time. You can give it up too. Just don't buy it. Try to make meals that don't have simple carbs on the plate. Don't buy cold cereals. Better to eat a high protein breakfast. Even for the kids. Brain food. Serve fish often. Salmon. You can get it frozen from the Schwans truck, that way you don't have to go to the store all the time for it. Serve him large portions of food, so he is full. Don't cook the veggies all the way. This way his body has to work harder to break them down. No potatoes if you can get away with it. If not, red. They have less starch. Small portions. LOTS of the other stuff. He can have 6 pieces of chicken as long as he doesn't have any carbs.

Cold slaw from KFC, add more cabbage to it. El Polo Loco Chicken has good tasty chicken and a great green salad with little corn chips. Legal for him. No beans no rice. No tortillas. Any meat that is grilled is ok. It is the bread that is bad. Simple carbs turn to sugar right away. Just explain it to him. Or get him a book on the subject if he likes to read, he will pick it up.

Go back to loving him as you did before his weight concerned you. Take showers together. Make him realize you are the love of his life and he is yours. His weight will get in the way. He will figure it out.

There are a couple of ways to go here. One is Atkins with some revisions to keep it healthy. Make sure you eat a lot of fish and make sure you take a Multi Vit and an Omeg 3 for good health. Or do the vit's and look at Susanne Summers diet. I prefer Atkins. I like meat. Trust me you can do it healthy.

Fruit is something you have to give up in the beginning with Atkins. But as my Mother use to say. You should always eat your fruit in the morning on an empty stomach 30 minutes before you eat anything else. Fruit digests very quickly. Then eat a high protein breakfast to sustain you for the morning hours.

Good luck.

Answer 2

A lot of good answers here but I know where your husband is and what he is going through right now. I have been heavy every since I was 10 years old. That was when I had my appendix took out so when I got home from the hospital after not being able to eat nothing I started eating. I was a chubby boy through school, played football in high school and slimed down to 165#. After I graduated I stayed at about 220# until I got married then the pounds just added on until at one time I was at 450#. I have tried every diet coming and going done this done that and I know I am FAT I know I need to loose weight I see pictures my Wife has taken at family get togethers and I sit there and see how I look but this thing is not like what people think it is. It took a long time and something completely unrelated to my weight problem to find out what was part of my weight problem. I was being treated for a migraine headache that was constant that never went away. During this I was about to go crazy from the pain and no sleep plus dealing with Social Security about disability. My doctor put me on anti depressants and another for the migraine plus another one or two and I quit eating like I use to. It is not from being high or in a drug stupor I don't eat as much any more because I am not depressed all the time. So take your husband and have him checked and remember this is just like alcoholism or drug addiction. I know people who read that are going to laugh but they have never lived a day in a FAT person's body.

Answer 3

Try to get him to go to the doctor and have someone else tell him too, Then he'll know that it is coming from another source and not just you. Also try to take walks together, or do something constructive. My husband is not overweight but when he gets home all he wants to do is sit and watch tv so I turn it off and tell him that we have to find something else to do. Anyway, If you are the one that does the cooking you have control over what you cook. Try to cook healthy for a while make salads and vegetables and try not to use a lot of butter or fats. Let him know that you care about him and that is why you want him to loose some weight.

Answer 4

unfortunately when people are overweight you can't really tell them much. they don't really want to listen. they know. they just don't want to listen. it will probably take something humiliating for him to wake up and really look in the mirror. if you don't want to wait that long then you will have to bite the bullet and put his diet in your own hands. as much as you can at least.

when it's time to eat. give him smaller portions. start him off with the same food that you would normally cook. just smaller portions. do not just throw a salad in front of him. that will definately make him angry. after about a couple of weeks of portion control. let hm know what you've been doing and kind of give him a compliment by telling him that you see a diference.

if your the main cook in the house. this should be easy. the important part is to keep him motivated. in time. you can switch to more healthier food. gradually. no need to alarm him.

it will be hard. he might even "hate" you. but if it's for his health wouldn't you rather want him alive and healthy?

Answer 5

Perhaps next time you are at a shopping centre instead of taking the escalator, you and your husband walk up the flight of stairs. If he is morbidly obese he will be out of breath with a pounding chest and that would be enough to shcok anyone out of denial if they can't manage one flight of stairs without huffing and puffing.

Is there maybe some uderlying reason why he continues to stack on the pounds?

You could always do the honest heart to heart talk and tell him that you are scared of becoming a widow

Answer 6

I suggest that he look into minimally invasive weight loss surgery. And then let HIM own the problem. It's his problem -- it's not YOUR cooking, YOUR nagging or anything else YOU are doing. If he doesn't straighten up realize that you are going to be married to someone with major health issues. You shouldn't stand their and watch him eat himself into oblivion you should GET A DIVORCE now while you can.

Answer 7

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I'm with Dimples. Please be kind, but make sure he knows that it hurts you that he doesn't consider your feelings. It does take two to be married. And while you are being kind, remember all the good things he does. Does he have a great sense of humor? Is he a good dad? Don't forget the stuff that made you fall in love with him. And hang in there. Marriage is definitely about sex, but it's not ALL about sex. You're right that his weight does affect you... keep coming at it from the angle that you love him, you worry about his health, you want him around for awhile, and you'll help him and not criticize.

Answer 8

Join a gym, after dinner walks or even better start jogging. Do you think if you start getting active he could join you? How about tennis or racket ball. If he's already 300 lbs he'd probably be more into weight lifting.

Answer 9

Some people can be addicted to food. My father was eating and not even realizing it. I know this sounds funny, but it can be very serious. Your husband is taking years off of his life. Maybe try taking him to doctors and BOTH of you get check ups, this way you are not just pointing figures at him and also this way a doctor can talk to him.

Answer 10

take him to a doctor to analyze how far along he is until he gets a heart attack or a stroke...no offense but sounds like he's not listening to you even tho you are a nurse...you need another opinion. Or yeah...something bad could happen. Hopefully he doesn't smoke or drink