I love my gf very much, and she assures me she loves me. Loving one another isnt an issue. I am ready to step things up to the next level and have her live with me and get engaged. I feel she might as well move in with me because I am paying half her bills and she sleeps at my house half the week. She has often said she wont live with me because of past relationship issues. She wants her independent space to go to when she wants to. It would be financially better for us together, especially if she means what she says about loving me so much. I want to ask her to marry me, but am afraid she will say no because of the past issues and her independence. I also feel she is not giving me the same equal chance she gave the other men she lived with by not doing the same for me. Should I let this bother me or what?
2006-11-14 09:46:46 · 13 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
SHE IS USING YOU!!!
NEVER ever pay half of anyones bills. Period. She has her financial responsibilities, you have yours. The fact that she is hesitating should let you know that she is playing you.
Love doesn't use. If she is willingly allowing you to pay for any of her bills (I am not talking dinner or a movie...I mean bills) you might as well call yourself her sugar daddy.
As for past relationship issues...think of the quality of life you will have if you merry someone who isn't into you enough to move forward and who can't drop the skeletons in their closets.
As for her independence, how can she have independence if YOU are paying for her things. As I see it, she has a win win situation and you are being played as a fool.
You not only should be bothered, you should move on. MOVE ON! I know you love her and love is awesomely powerful and blinding, but she doens't respect you, the relationship you could have, and she isn't willing to move forward.
Trust me, there are other girls. You obviously are a sensitive man and have a lot of trust to give. Look inside yourself and see how much you have to offer.
2006-11-14 09:53:16 · answer #1 · answered by Thera 9 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
I understand why this bothers you. Sit her down and talk to her about it. Explain it to her the same way you just did and ask her to marry you. However I do have one problem and that is she isn't as independent as she thinks she is if you are paying half her bills. An independent women doesn't need anyone to pay her bills so it sounds to be that she is using her past relationships as an excuse.
2006-11-14 09:51:45 · answer #2 · answered by juicie813 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋
The fact that she had bad experiences previously will all ways hunt you. She will be alert to the "first sign" of it happening again. But, if you make her stay at your place for longer periods of time each time ... she will either confirm her suspicions or realize that you are not like the others.
Maybe you can spare a room at your place, which can be her space and try not to enter that space unless invited.
2006-11-14 09:57:10 · answer #3 · answered by Karin H 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yes it should bother you, it sounds like she is using you. Excuse the lame expression, but why buy the cow when you get the milk for free? I know that has to do with sex, but what I am trying to say is that she gets all the benefits of a relationship without any of the commitment. Stand up for yourself!
2006-11-14 09:53:36 · answer #4 · answered by noambition 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
A person can never be the same as they were before. We all change. How she treated ex's has nothing to do with how she treats you. When you've been burned you dont put your hand back in the fire. I'm sure you can understand that. If she loves you as much as she says she does then ask her and see what she says. You wont know until you ask.
2006-11-14 09:50:45 · answer #5 · answered by JustMe 6 · 0⤊ 1⤋
I would not let it bother you, she loves you but maybe she is afraid about giving up her own personal space. I would let her keep her apt, get engaged, but try to encourage her to stay more with you ( cook her dinner, offer her massage, make a movie night) after about 6 months of her staying over at your place primarily, she'll be ready to kick the apt to the curb
2006-11-14 09:51:30 · answer #6 · answered by joker:P 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Just give her time. If she loves u, she'll want 2 marry u 2 in time. Only give her a chance 2 have a bit of space.
oxox,
Little Cowy
2006-11-14 09:50:28 · answer #7 · answered by Golden 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Dude, wake up and smell the Folgers! Sounds to me like she is using you to get her bills paid. If she loved you so much she wouldn't hesitate to move in w/you and if you were so sure of her love you wouldn't be afraid of her saying no. You sound like a nice, respectable,responsible man, find someone that will appreciate that. Good luck!
2006-11-14 09:52:25 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
Obviously with such trust issues, these should be addressed first -- and you need to back off and stop paying her bills and stop allowing her to lean on you for financial support like that... she needs to develop her own independance and right now, although you THINK you're helping, you're actually HURTING.
And she is hurting you too.
Stop letting her USE YOU.
2006-11-14 09:49:33 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
Sounds to me like you might be using you. If my boyfriend asked me to move in and get engaged I'd jump on it in a heartbeat, if she's hesitating then maybe she's not that inot you.
2006-11-14 09:52:24 · answer #10 · answered by geminig 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋