Maybe I am just stereotyping, but should it take a GUY very long to get over a relationship that was nothing but destructive to his own self esteem? He says he hates her now....and still loves her.
He also slept with me about 2 weeks after they broke up. It has been about 2 weeks since we did that...and we were drunk.
Is this guy just girly with the emotional baggage or do guys really hurt inside and just not show it? I expect to hear this kind of stuff from women, not men. I thought men just moved on, no skin off their back.
I'm not trying to be his girlfriend, but I certainly wouldn't mind starting up some sort of "lover" situation with him.
How long is it going to take him to move on? They dated for about a year and a half....and the last half was nothing but problems.
2006-11-14 09:28:39 · 11 answers · asked by Miz D 4 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
Yes, it is as normal for a guy to have emotional baggage as it is for a girl. If he really cared for her, he is probably still dealing with those feelings. As for his past relationship being in a "destructive," just remember that love is often blind. He probably didn't see it that way if, in fact, he was truly "in love" with her.
Now, as for your comment about starting up some sort of a "lover" situation with him, here is my suggestion: Just go slowly, it may take him a little time to put the last one behind him. So, be there as a friend...albeit a friend with occasional benefits...and wait for him to come around. He will eventually, though it may take longer than a few weeks. Just remember, the quickest way to get over a past lover is to find a new lover. So, it sounds like you are in the perfect position to achieve what you are hoping to start up.
Best of luck!
2006-11-14 09:37:38 · answer #1 · answered by Colonel Angus 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
First of all men are human beings believe it or not, so yes they do have emotional baggage. The difference in every man is when he throws that baggage way and moves on. Some men hurt, but shake it off quickly, while others take a lot longer to heal. It depends on the man and how in touch he is with his feelings combined with age, maturity and experience. You say you want to be his lover which translates to you wanting to be his friend with benefits. If that is all you want, then it honestly doesn't matter when this guy moves on because all you want is a physical relationship with him. In fact your physical relationship may help him move on. If it bothers you that he still carries the ex- gf baggage with him then you need to tell him it bothers you and when you are with him you want to focus on the physical aspect of you and him; not you him and his past. If the sex is good between the two of you hell forget her soon enough. Do be careful however that neither one of you catches feelings as you now know how he deals with relationships. Good luck!
2006-11-14 09:39:31 · answer #2 · answered by Wheres the Rum Gone? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
There are guys that are emotionally weak I mean guys are not that emotionally expressive like women. I mean guys don't talk to other guys about emotional stuff I guess he is suppressing what baggage he has within. that guy needs to let go and I guess there was no other means for him to do so, he really might have loved her ex so much that there are things left unresolved for him. For him may be the next best thing is not enough. Or he really needs a lot of time to recover.
2006-11-14 09:36:59 · answer #3 · answered by macky boy 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yes, I think men have emotional baggage and tend to keep their feelings to themselves but act out in revenge, after a realtionship ends. I don't think they really get over their breakups because they're not suppose to talk about their feelings so they keep it all inside the rest of their lives. Men have huge egos and take every breakup personally, especially when the woman is the one that breaks it off.
2006-11-14 09:35:11 · answer #4 · answered by pigironsgirl 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's only been a month, and you're expecting him to "get over" it? Doesn't work like this, sister. Guy or girl, we all have our issues and "feelings", and can't turn our emotions on or off on demand. You can still start up your "lover situation", just keep in mind that you're most likely just gonna be his rebound. Not necessarily a problem, but can create some drama later on.
2006-11-14 09:33:33 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
A man can love as deeply as any woman, though it may appear otherwise. He says he hates her, because being angry is always easier than being hurt. Give him some time. But, don't be surprised if you are his rebound girl. Our hearts and egos are fragile. It takes everyone, with a true Love that is lost, some time to get over it. Good Luck!!!!!!
2006-11-14 09:34:45 · answer #6 · answered by pupcake 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
men are just as human as women. the only difference is that we show our emotions of a lot more than they do. maybe he is still attached to her. regardless of the pain and suffering he felt during the last half of the relationship, they still cared deeply for each other. seems to me like he stepped upon his soul mate.
2006-11-14 09:37:02 · answer #7 · answered by mysticshabs 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It is very normal. And soon, he will probably start feeling guilty for sleeping with you because he still has feelings for his old girl.
My suggestion, no more sex right now. Let him find his footing and be a friend. You could turn into a rebound..and a crutch.
2006-11-14 09:32:33 · answer #8 · answered by Mintygoodness1 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yes,men experience emotional"baggage",not all of us except that there is "more fish in the sea".And,we comparison shop in our relationships...what has worked b4 and what hasn't.
2006-11-14 09:36:09 · answer #9 · answered by twarchibald77 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
We hurt just as much as you do when a relationship fails. When we have given our hearts, It is just as difficult for us to move on -- especially when our sense of self-worth is damaged. He sounds perfectly normal to me.
2006-11-14 09:30:43 · answer #10 · answered by Otis F 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋