My Fiance's Female Friend Can't Stand Black Women?

Question

My fiance's White female friend of five years can't stand Black women but she loves Black men. Although I believe that it's because she's very insecure and is somehow threatened by Black women, my man always finds himself defending African-American females from her sterotypes. She knows about our wedding but feels hurt that my man invited everyone else except her on account of me so that there isn't any tension at the wedding. Should I invite her and kill her with kindness, or should I leave the decision up to my fiance? Or should I leave things the way they are? Afterall, if the girl can accept only one race's gender and is not accepting of the entire race, then is she not worth thinking about, especially on a day that's not her own?

P.S.
Before anyone starts assuming, no, they were never an item, they never messed around, and yes, I trust him.

Jules, no, I don't think you're a racist and I'm not offended. I've always hated how the media portrays Latinas and Black women as well. Those who don't have friends of either race sometimes expects us to carry ourselves like the women in the movies or on reality tv shows.

And you're right, Black women are more likely to slap our men upside the head if they did us wrong. I don't condone hitting in a relationship, but there's some situations that may call for it, lol. What some Black men, or people in general, don't understand is that Black women aren't "too strong" because we want to be, it's because we have to be and some don't know how to turn it off. Given our history and present status, you're either strong, or you don't survive in the real world. That girl is intimidated because she likes Black men and says that we look at her funny when she's out with a Black man. Yet she never mentions her initial facial expression. And I too have been bullied by girls of all races.

Med4Monty, I agree with you 100%. I've run into a number of White women who love our men but get an attitude at the sight of a Black woman, it annoys the hell out of me because it happens too often. I usually laugh because many that I know will sqeeze their men tighter, make sure that they plant a big kiss on him (I guess a form of marking their territory). I see this as insecurity and ignorance. What are they going to do, avoid Black women all their lives?

Answer 1

I think black and white women were pitted against each other since the days of slavery. Lots of slave-masters procreated woth their secret lovers. This probably fueled the fire in white women against black women. This is just my theory on why some white women love black men and dislike us. I have seen this with my own two eyes, as well. I think you should kill the wench with kindness and enjoy your man. Trust her, not. Also,lay down guidelines, as far as, how their friendhsip should progress. Allow him to befriend her, but let him know your gripes.No don't allow her at the wedding. You don't need her negative energy as a foundation of you two's life together. I would tell that chicken to take a hike, if I were you because I as a true friend, have dislike my best bud's men but I sttod by her happiness. My friends happiness was mine. If your husbands happiness is not hers, then she is not for you nor his benefit. Drop her!

Answer 2

I don't want to come off as a racist and I hesitate to even answer this question but if I don't have the courage to you may not get an honest answer. I think that black woman are intimidating. If you piss one off she might kick your butt. Not just black woman though. I feel intimidated by mexican woman as well. This may or may not be because I was bullied in school by people of these races. Then you have the movies out there that display black woman as bitchy and mean. I am not saying all black woman or mexican woman are that way. I am not saying that white woman are not that way. I don't know what it is that makes these woman more intimidating for me. I have black friends who are woman and I am not trying to stereo type here. I am part mexican too. I always thought that the abuse I took in school was because I wasn't mexican enough. Even some white girls did not like me so I must not have been white enough either. Please don't take my answer the wrong way. Please don't think I am a racist. I am far from it. Racists make me sick. It is my opinion that you will find trashy people in every race. I don't want you to think I am insulting you in any way. I just wanted you to get an honest answer. It's my opinion that she feels intimidated and scared when it comes to a black woman. Have you ever heard anyone say that black men date white woman because a black woman will slap him upside his head if he does her wrong? I believe that's true. I think the black woman is sometimes too strong for the black man. He sometimes cannot handle that independence. I also do not think you should invite her to your wedding. This day is the most important day of your life and if she has a problem with black woman she should not be at a wedding full of them. If she says the wrong thing she might get her little butt kicked and then she will never like you, lol. Kidding. Seriously though, if she does not like you because of the color of your skin then she certainly does not respect you and she has no right being at your wedding. Your husband can see her another time. This day is about you. Good luck and take care. Oh, and congratulations on your upcoming nuptials.

Answer 3

Well I think you and your fiance should sit down and talk about it. From what you say he chose not to invite her and maybe he feels it would be easier this way? If he doesn't want her there I owuld say just leave the situation alone. If you two are on the fence about the topic I would invite her and like you said kill her with kindness. Maybe her non-invite was a wakeup call. If you are at all worried about her causing some sort of scene I wouldn't invite though.

Answer 4

Your assessment of this woman sounds accurate to me. I am wondering how you found out how this woman feels. Was it only through what your fiance has said or do you know firsthand or through other people how she feels? I am not suggesting that your fiance is fabricating but it would be interesting to know how she handles her relationships with other friends.i would probably invite her because I would want to see for myself how she was reacting and make my own evaluation of her. Also, if this is truly the case, and she does indeed have these feelings, it may do her some good to see you and your family and all the others at the wedding having a great time and all getting along well!

Answer 5

You should not invite her your fiance made the right choice you don't need anyone at your wedding that is not truly happy for you.She probably just wants to come to get a date with a black man since she date them. You don't need to be worried about no drama. Good Luck!

Answer 6

This is the most ridiculous thing I've ever heard. Someone who could cause problems at a friend's wedding because of the race of the bride? One screwed-up person this is. I think you should leave it up to your fiancé - perhaps he's trying to tell her she's not welcome around his family unless she changes her attitude. And if she doesn't - in all truth, she's not a friend.

Answer 7

I think you are corect when you say that she is intimidated by Black Women, but I wouldn't invite her to the wedding because I think that your fiance is taking a stand and showing her that if she has a problem with you then she isn't welcome at your wedding. Don't allow her to come and be negative at your wedding. To h*ll with her and enjoy your wedding.

Answer 8

well...it's your day...so you should just have people who wants to celebrate your big day and be happy for you...inviting her to the wedding is probably not going to change how she feels about African-American women...and if you want to show her that not all African-American women fit into that stereotype, you can do it later when you feel like it....

Answer 9

She sounds like a jerk. Be glad he's not inviting her and hope that leads to dissolution of their friendship.

Answer 10

Huh...tough call. I'd get with him and talk it over. If there's any misgivings at all, I'd not invite her. No sense in her causing a rukus on ya'lls day.