I screwed up BIG TIME?

Question

okay. so my boyfriend and i have been talking about marriage for a while now and have both agreed to wait until we graduate. my boyfriend found out he can graduate a semester early but i will still be in school until may. ( we still agreed to wait until i finished school to get engaged) he knows that i really want to get engaged asap and i dont want to wait until school is over but im willing to wait for when he is ready. anyways, a few days a ago we got into a huge fight because i lied to him about my grades and how much money i owed my credit card. during the fight the mentioned that he was going to propose in January but now that he cant trust me its not gonna happen. after the fight we talked things over and he said that he's still going to propose but not until he can trust me again. do you think he will still propose in jan? or did i screw up my chances of ever being married to him?

ok. i know i shouldn’t have lied, b

my debt is only 2000. no big deal. but we are saving up for a house together and 2000 is kinda a lot when put into th ebig picture. as for grades, he asked me how i did on my midterms and i said fine... but honestly i got d's and an F.

Answer 1

Sounds as if both of you are not ready to marry.

Answer 2

Well first let me ask this. Is it college or high school we are talking about. If it is high school, then my gods honest advice is to NOT get married. I'm sure he may be experiencing some cold feet now, or has actually sat down and thought about what marriage is reallyi all about. And so you know, its not a fashion or a fad, but it should be something that should be long lasting.

My advice I've given to my kids, relatives and friends is that you dont have a 100% fully commited relationship with anyone, meaning you dont have a boyfriend or girlfriend or say "I Love You" to anyone until you are at least 25 or finished your education, meaning college, and have begun work in what is to be your life long career. I know its a little archaic and may sound somewhat strict, but the reality is that maintaining a relationship and a career, especially when you are still in school can make you overlook what you are truly capable of acomplishing in your life. Besides, you may have your now bf or gf pressuring you int doing something you may not really have your heart set on, or planning your life away as what many who are wiser would say is a fantasy, and not a realistic expectation might set you both up to fail at either your relationship, or your career. And plus, its better to not want to grow up so quickly. Especially if you have kids at too young an age. Trust me, nothing hinders your ability to go out with friends and have fun than having kids.

My advice to you is to tell your BF that you two should just wait and enjoy your lives together for now. Nevermind getting married, nevermind the long term preparations for a life eternal. And excuses like for tax reasons, or for $$$ are not valid or realistic reasons.

I'm sure you are going to read this and maybe ignore it if it is not the advice you are looking for, or say,"Uh... you're crazy!!! F- You" etc... But take it from someone who has seen it all, and for the most part, done it all... well at least almost "all".

As far as earning his trust back though... Seriously, that will only take time.

No matter what you seriously decide to do, I wish you the best of luck.

Answer 3

Now, as for the lying, was it deliberate or was it a guess at the time? If you stated that you thought you'd make a B for a course, and after the finals you found out that you really made a C, well I wouldn't call that deliberately lying. Also, if you mentioned that you owed $1,000 on the credit cards, then after the new statement came in you found out that you really owed $1,500 due to the new charges, that's not lying either. On the other hand, if you willfully gave false information, knowing it wasn't true, well that's lying.

It is the principle of the matter. If he can't trust you on the small issues, such as these, how can he be sure that he can trust you on the big issues? With regard to the finances, he has good reason to be upset, as your debt becomes his debt once you're married, and vice versa.

Answer 4

Honey, it seems as if he is just coming up with new excuses not to propose. Once you graduate and get your c/c's cleared up, then he is going to find yet another excuse. He is not ready and he is blaming you for it.

I believe that you are pushing to hard on the engagement situaation and that is why you had to lie about your grades, so he would propose sooner. Now you have just gave him the perfect excuse not to propose.

If he wanted to marry you he would have proposed already regardless of when you graduate or your financial situation. Besides, an engagement uis a promise of marriage and not marriage, so if he cannot even make a promise that means that he doesn't want to or that he is not ready.... open your eyes dear

Answer 5

To sum it up.... If you lied about little stuff like that.. I have to agree there is a major trust issue. Next time you tell me you were on the phone with your mom im going to wonder if she has a deep voice.

Dont get me wrong I understand that those are just little things, but since they are such little things, why lie?

And, well I really hate to ask it this way, do you really want to marry someone who you have such fear of that you cant even tell him you failed a midterm? Seems like you dont trust him too much either.

You definitily need to find out WHY you lied to him before you can even accept a proposal.

Answer 6

okay i am figuring you were embarrased by the debt and the grades. you didn't want to disappoint him. it isn't like you did something hugely wrong.

sounds like he might have been fishing for an excuse to hold off on the engagement. when you told him about the debt he freaked out. just pay down your debt. show him the statement every month that you are paying it down. better yet if you get a return from taxes put that towards the bill. he should feel better then. about your grades, just work hard this semester and show him the grades.

your boyfriend is being too sensitive here.

Answer 7

This sucks..... I think he is def going to propose, and who knows when... Jan is still a few months away so I am sure you both will forget all about this fight by that time... maybe he told you he 's not going to propose so your not expecting it... every guy wants it to be a suprise.... I am not too sure how you two are, but you need to let him know why you lied?? Are you embarrassed, or ashamed?? I know it sucks to say how much debt your in, but if your willing to spend the rest of yourlife with this guy HONESTY is always the answer.... Good Luck.

Answer 8

Money is an issue that brings most relationships to an end. No, you shouldn't have lied but, I think that he'll still propose. Maybe it won't be in Jan. but probably not much later. In the meantime, prove to him that he can trust you. It will be hard but you can do it. Don't give up, learn from this mistake and make sure that it never happens again.

Answer 9

Rather than worrying about when or if your BF is going to propose, you may want to think about why you don't feel comfortable telling him about your debt and bad grades. Do you not trust him to love you even when you are less than perfect? Are there other "little" things that you hide from him about your finances, career goals, or values? Unless you are comfortable disclosing and discussing these issues (and many others) with your BF, you are not ready to get married... to him, or anyone else really. You don't need to agree about every little thing, but you do need to be able to have the discussion. It will come up once you are married and sharing your life (and financial burdens) anyway.

I know that this is not the answer you are looking for. It is important to think about these things before plunging in.

Good luck to the both of you. I hope you are happy in life.

Answer 10

I think he will trust you again. Just be VERY open when it comes to your finances...it is better to start before you are married than after. Maybe talk to him and have him help you work up a plan to pay off your debt (even if you don't need a plan). This will get him involved and make him realize that he CAN trust you and that you trust him enough to let him be involved in your finances. Just never lie to him again.... Also, be open about your grades. Show him every grade you get on every paper/test/project/report card..... You can't have a relationship if you are lying. Just be open.

Answer 11

it sounds like you need to be more concerned with you college studies than getting married. how you do in college will determine the rest of your life. d's and f's are not acceptable. you have a guy that loves you and wants to marry you. quit worrying about when he will do it and concentrate on the problem areas in your life for now. you man isn't going anywhere, but neither will you if you flunk out of school.

about the lying thing, just don't do it. he will think, if you lie about this, what else are you lying about? and lying about CC debt IS a big deal. if you two can't be honest about finances, you are doomed already. finances are such a huge part of a relationship working. you need to be honest and on the same page.