He's not pushy. He's extremely good looking, he's nice, sensitive, intelligent... kinda cool... Most people don't think he's embarassing. He is from Sweeden but speaks reasonable English.
But he does really weird things sometimes when we're in public - like he will rub my arm in a rough kind of way (not a gentle way) or he will keep trying to massage my shoulders (which I'm fine with but not in front of my friends).
I'm not being exploited or anything... but a couple of people have given us a funny look when he does this...
This isn't like epressurising sexual behaviour at all, it's more that I feel uncomfortable that he isn't at all subtle when we're around other people. He's not normally like it but it makes him seem like a lumbering oaf.
What should I do to make his behaviour more subtle and gentle when we're around other people? Without actually confronting him about it, which is definitely NOT an option.
But sometimes when we're in public I have got a few odd looks
2006-11-14 07:46:57 · 21 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
(Also sometimes he might even try and massage my shoulders when we're walking along! Or put his arm round me in an awkward way when I'd rather just hold hands - which is more gentle...)
2006-11-14 07:48:28 · update #1
Dont worry what other people think so much. Saying that, you obviously dont like it, so why not do it back. The next time he tries to rub your arm etc, do it back but exagerate the action. Turn it into a joke and maybe he will realise how weird it is to have your arm rubbed or your neck massaged while you are walking along. He sounds like a nice guy and this may be his way of showing affection for you in public, its just not working for you.
2006-11-14 07:54:21 · answer #1 · answered by kate d 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
First off, why cant you confront him about it? It's a little weird that you can't talk to your own boyfriend about something.
Secondly, so what if people are giving you weird looks? It seems to me that you are too worried about what other people think. It sounds like he is just trying to show others how much he cares for you and likes having you as a girlfriend, and you on the other hand dont want him to do things that make you look like a couple when you around other people.
2006-11-14 07:55:57 · answer #2 · answered by Barbi 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If having a conversation about something important to you with your bf is not an option, I have to wonder about your relationship.
You simply need to express to him that some of his actions make you uncomfortable - that you would prefer to be less demonstrative of your relationship in public. The public displays of affection are a little to much for you, so you hope you can both work on a more subtle approach to your relationship in public.
If you can't do that, then your relationship is bs anyway.
2006-11-14 07:51:29 · answer #3 · answered by Phoenix, Wise Guru 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Just tell him that it makes you feel uncompfortable and to stop. Like sit him down one night and tell him that, just be sure not to do it in a mean voice or something so he doesn't take it the wrong way.
Now for the looks that you get, if you didn't care about what he does or even if you do when you all are in public, then just ignore the weird looks cause most likely those people don't know you, so who cares.
2006-11-14 07:52:09 · answer #4 · answered by lynnz 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Alot of guys behave like lumbering oafs and they don't always know what is appropriate when they are acting on gut instinct. If he's from Sweden - they probably have different customs and ways of expressing affection and he's simply doing what comes naturally to him. You should simply be able to take his hands and hold them or do something to reguide his hands to something that is comfortable to you. However, anyway you go about it - he may ask questions and you may end up having to confront him.
2006-11-14 07:52:58 · answer #5 · answered by ? 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Take his hand off your shoulder, and hold it in your hands. Time to do things the way you want them to be done for a change. If you havent confronted him about the public displays of affection how is he going to know??? Tell him.
2006-11-14 07:50:26 · answer #6 · answered by Amy 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He's from SWEEDEN maybe that's how they are down there, I don't think he's trying to be crude or anything, if you don't like it then move on it sounds like this is how he expresses how he feels if you're not a PDA kind of chick then he's not for you...i'm sorry but it doesn't sound weird it's different and you may not be used to it....don't care about what others think this is him showing you how much he likes you and if you confront him you may offend him....I don't know this is how I see it you wanna give me thumbs down go ahead but you asked...."k"? good luck sweetie
2006-11-14 07:52:51 · answer #7 · answered by graciegirl 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
When he starts to massage you, pull his hands down around your waist. When he's rubbing your arm take his hand and hold on to it, Just turn the things he does into something else.
And you do need to ask him why. Dont confront, just at a quiet time ask why he does it.
2006-11-14 07:50:52 · answer #8 · answered by Carrie 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Show him the American way and show go examples! I like that bla/ bla. I know people pick up weord things. My husband picked up the moving the hand thing from the Dutch. It maybe just a habit
2006-11-14 07:52:28 · answer #9 · answered by Monet 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You might have to spell it out. Tell him exactly what your expectations are in given situations. It is difficult enough for men and women to see eye to eye, much less someone from a different culture.
Good Luck!
2006-11-14 07:54:43 · answer #10 · answered by Racewalking Invicta Swami 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋