Girlfriend has old photos, memorabilia from ex's?

Question

My girlfriend has a habit of keeping old memorabilia or photos from ex-boyfriends. She doesn't keep them out in the open, but she has them stashed all over the place. She also has been divorced for over 10 years and still has her wedding dress and her wedding ring. She tells me that it shouldn't matter because those things are in the past. I agree with that, but I also think she should listen to her own advice and get rid of some of this stuff. Advice?

Answer 1

It's where she's been and part of her past, so no, I don't think she should be getting rid of it. Most of us have a few old love letters and photos stashed in drawers or boxes somewhere. It's not that we pine for lost loves, we just have memorabilia of the road we've traveled.

However, if she has romantic pictures of her and her exes on the walls, then that's different. You're her man now. If that's the case, surprise her by telling her to get all dressed up in her favorite outfit, then surprise her by taking her to a studio to have some couple portrait photos taken together. You can put the new photos of you two up where those old photos of her and whats-his-name are. It's a win in two ways, you get rid of that photo of her ex and you reenforce your commitment to her!

Answer 2

Memories fade over time, but photos and memorbilia doesn't. As long as it's not out in the open it is her personal memories and it should stay that way. Of course she still has her dress and her ring. That was a very big deal for her. She once loved someone so much she promised her life and it didn't work out. Try not to be sensitive over this stuff. Try to understand and know that if your relationship is serious she will keep all those little from you as well.

Answer 3

I had a jealous girlfirend once who wanted me to get rid of all of my photos of my ex-girlfriends. I, now regretting, did. Now some 15 years later I regret not being able to reflect on those memories of where I was and where I am. Clearly I would not sit and look at the pictures each day, but I do regret destroying them.
As far as the wedding dress and ring go - I think they need to go. Maybe you can ask your wife why she wants to keep them and let her know how they make you feel. Perhaps then you both be able to find an answer that works for you both!

Answer 4

Just because she has this stuff doesn't mean that she's still holding on to hope of getting back together with these people.

They're memories. We tend to hold on to too much stuff anyway. If she was looking at these things daily and really remembering each event, then I'd be worried. But if she's just keeping them, don't worry...she'll let some things go when she's ready to.

I still have pictures and things of my ex. They're in a box in the garage. My current gf knows where they are....they're right next to the box of crap from her ex!

Answer 5

Don't sweat the little things. Memories can be kept for many different reasons, too - remember the good times, remember the mistakes, remember where we were at that point in life. And some things can be kept for the sake of a future "use" for someone else - does she have kids from her other marriage that she'd want to give things to later? As long as she isn't pulling her picts and such out often and pining over them, I don't think it's that big of a deal.

Answer 6

I dont think a person should have to throw away things they have saved from the past because they are with somebody new. What difference does it make to you ? What difference does it make if she keeps a box of stuff in the back of the closet ? Just because boys and men dont save things over the years doesn't mean a women should throw away her memories. I dont keep the things I keep because I still care for any of those guys from the past. I keep them because its a piece of my life. No man should ever feel insecure about it.

Answer 7

I have never been divorced nor married but i do know what its like to want to keep everything that a guy has given me. Its not that it reminds me of how special they were to me it reminds me of a special time in my life. Like a single rose from valentines day, a first ring from a boyfriend of 9 mths, letters chatting back and forth to a friend about a crush. these are memories that we put aside knowing that in the future they will tell the stories of our lives.

give her time as the years go by and people like her children or grandchildren know her stories she will gradually lose the items and the memories will fade away as you fill her life with much better ones to replace the ones before.

Answer 8

I understand both sides.....you think that she's holding on to old boyfriends,and she still has feelings for them,but a wedding a something that a girl is never going to quite get over.She's keeping this stuff,because its about her past.It has nothing to do with you and your relationship.Its not like she's throwing it in your face everyday.Its her past,and she has the right to keep it.What if she doesn't get married to you...and she trashes her stuff....then she threw away her memories of the other guy...AND she's throwing away stuff about you too!I would mind like if she kept a movie stub and a rose he gave her,but sentimental stuff like a wedding dress,and a ring...let her keep it.Have faith that she loves you and thinks about you...

Answer 9

Some day when she's really old, she can sit and look back on all the great memories and probably some not so good. But that is a part of her life. Most people are doing good to remember even after seeing a picture. Thats a part of life

Answer 10

Honestly, you don't have anything to worry about unless she's still talking to these exes all the time. About the wedding dress, it probably cost a lot of money and she may think that despite the demise of the marriage, she still looks good in it. It's really not that big of a deal.