I caught my 13yr old son spanking his 5yr old brother how should a punish him?

Question

I am a stay at home dad I neither I nor my wife have ever spanked our kids. (We discipline them in our own way but not through violence). The other day I asked my 13yr old son to watch his younger brother for ten minutes while I was in the yard. When I went inside I caught him with brandon(5yr old) over his knee and spanking him.
I was really shocked so I just yelled at him and sent him to bed but I feel that was not enough. What should I do?

Answer 1

You should inform your older son that neither you nor your wife ever spanked him or his brother because you do not feel it is an appropriate form of discipline. I feel the same way, but, I think if I were in your situation, I would either ground him or take away some privileges, and I would tell him that if he ever did that again, you would either hold him down while his younger brother spanked him, or you did it yourself. You can tell him that while you do not approve of this form of punishment, it is something he did and if that is the only thing he understands, you will be certain he gets a "feeling" for what he understands.

Answer 2

First off spanking is not violence. Kids now and days need a good slap on the butt to teach them whats right. I'm not saying to beat them, but a spanking is good. Also, you act like your 13 year old son beat the kid. You sent him to bed? Gee did you feed him first, I think that is more "violent" then spanking. Grow up and go get a job (maybe get your balls back from your wife why you are at it)...men should not be the ones to stay at home! I don't think your kid need anymore discipline. Because apparently your way of disciplining is way more extrema then spanking will ever be.

Answer 3

I've learned through parenting my own children to provide an explanation with any form of discipline. The word discipline itself means to teach. Punishment in any form only provides a temporary behavior change. When I discipline my kids, they know 1) what the rules are 2) the consequences of breaking the rules 3) obedience first, discussion later. I want them to respect authority (parents, teachers, etc.) I also tell them my role is to teach them and keep them safe. Their role is to learn and grow. The only authority in the family is my husband's, mine and God's. The other critical element we teach is why the rules are in place. For example, instead of just telling my kids to use good manners, they understand good manners show love, kindness and respect. Then, when they use nasty words with each other, I remind them to use good manners and I can tell them we use our good manners b/c we love our family. I want to shape their attitudes not just behavior. If their attitudes are of the right spirit, their behavior will follow. With your son, I would recommend helping him understand your authority and the limited authority you allowed him under the circumstance. I would also try to understand why he thought it was OK to spank his brother. Then, I would explain the reason for the punishment and that you will not allow him the limited authority again until he demonstrates he knows how to apply that authority wisely. He might do this by taking on other responsibilities with his brother under your supervision. I think it's a matter of teaching him how to be a leader, use good judgment, and how to later be a good father himself.

Answer 4

I would suggest not make a big deal out of it. Treat it like he HIT his brother and give him the appropriate punishment for it. Then, talk to him and explain your reasons for why you don't allow violence in your home no matter what form it's in.
Also, seperately tell your 5 yr old that it wasn't right for big brother to do it and that you should be notified if it ever happens again.
Main point: don't blow things out of proportion. It would be different if another adult had done it; this is between your own kids.

Answer 5

I happen to have a 13 year old and a 6 year old...Ahhh the joys of parenthood!..lol...What were we thinking! right?..Any ways I have had the exact same thing happen in our house..We just remind our oldest that he is NOT the parent and if his sister is needing some discipline then he should come and get one of us..My kids were rarely if ever spanked..I just don't find it necessary most of the time..I think it is pretty common and your oldest just does not know how to make the younger one behave and so this is what he is trying...I like to remind my youngest that while I am gone she is to listen to her brother and that he is in charge..Then I have to remind my oldest that he is in charge and that is a HUGE responsibility and he does not have permission to hit her..

Answer 6

Yes i would have a talk with the 13 yr old ! Tell him you did not appreciate him spanking his brother!

Answer 7

I have a 14 yo daughter who I caught spankiong my 2 yo. Not good at all. I sat with her talked to her told her if I see it again no sports, no pc, no video games, no phone nothing. People go to jail for violence and if she wants to do the same I will run my house like that if she does it again. She will find herself in solitary. Just make sure you follow through on whatever you tell him.

Answer 8

The best way to punish is by eliminating priviliges or no computer orcelphone or ipod for a certain time. Trust me its what most hurts.

Answer 9

Explain to your son that he is not to discipline his brother.
If he does anything wrong to tell you or your wife and you will
handle it.

Answer 10

When my eldest was 13 and youngest was 9, she spanked her. I told her that if she ever laid a hand on the youngest again I'd charge her with assault and battery. It's never happened again since that day and that was 2 years ago.