Don't answer this question if you have not been hurt by this I just want to know I am not alone.?

Question

Have you ever been hurt by your partner looking at porn honestly? I have been hurt by it and have even been seeking help for it. I have been told that everyone has their own ideas of what an affair is. My husband did this knowing from the start of our relationship that it would be something that hurt me to the extent it might end the relationship. I just want to know I am not the only one out there and that there really are people that think like me. If you think this is stupid or just can't understand that porn can hurt someone this badly read my blog. I have been writing in it lately almost everyday and is only for me dealing with this kind of pain. This has been something that has hurt me with almost every relationship that it happened in and no that is not all of them. I know from looking very hard that there are men out there that don't do it. I just thought my husband was one of them.

Answer 1

I understand how you feel, I get really upset with my husband when he looks at prn too. And I confront with it and we sometimes get into bad fights.

Answer 2

I've been there and it does hurt A LOT!!!! But guys will always look, and theres nothing we can do about it. It's when it comes to doing it in a sexual matter then that's where the problem comes. I see it this way... if he's on the porn sites or renting videos to see these girls who are beautiful, have great bodies, and all behind my back then not only is he's a disgusting mad, but a degrading man. I don't care if all he's doing is watching these girls... when it starts to become an every day thing, it's a marriage problem. I went through this about 2 years ago, and I talked to my husband. I told him that it makes me feel worthless, ugly and unwanted. To know what he watches compared to what he has at home... it's a hard thing to accept. So we agreed and since then our marriage has been really good. I told him if he wants to rent movies, he can BUT he has to watch them with me. Porn sites... those are off limits. They end up costing money some where and it's very deceiving. Our family doesn't even have a computer at home. So his chances of going on line are rare. The other thing we did is we've enhanced our sex life, and just from that I've seen a difference in what he does, and it's made US better. I guess it all comes down to what you believe is cheating. If I'm aware of what he's doing or I'm with him doing it, then I personally don't see it as cheating. I've opened up and gone to the strip clubs with him, I've even bought him a lap dance or two, and it seems to bring us closer in a weird way. It all comes down to how you feel. Talk to him and tell him. Give him options, and don't just shut him out. That right there will end every thing. I wish you the best of luck!!!!

Answer 3

I know exactly how you feel. My husband before we were married had a big problem with it. And i went as far as destroying tapes and such. I told him that there is something wrong that you would rather spend all night at the computer than to come to me. It made me feel terrible. I thought that we had gotten past it but 3 months after we got married and I was 2 months pregnant I found 6 burnt DVDs of porn I was devestated. I told him I couldn't go on like this. We have another child too and I know I don't look as good as I used to with the stretch marks and extra weight. He swore he would never do it again. We have been married now for 3 years and going on 7 months with no sex. I am currently talking to a lawyer about divorce. How a man can be attracted to such whores is just beyond me.

Answer 4

Honestly, it's your choice of how you want to view it. I was a bit upset too at first, but after that, I learn to accept it, and it has improved our relationship. I was lucky, because he told me about it, before we even began our relationship. Knowing I was hurt, he asked if he should stop watching porn. I was glad he was very open and honest about how he felt. It was nothing more than just pleasure and enjoyment, after a stressful day at work. At least he's not out there doing it with some porn star lookalike, he is very faithful and true to me. I learn to give him the freedom and room that he needs, and return, I get the same share. Be more open to accept it, dear! If you really want to get rid of all the porn in the house, just tell him how you feel and how uncomfortable it is for you to see all these XXX in the house. If he truly respect you, he will do as you say, but please be reasonable with him. Nobody can throw away what they have been enjoying for a long time, so you may need to be patient with him.

Answer 5

A relationship stays strong with mutual understandings. And if you can't understand your partner and if he doesn't try the same for you then there's no meaning of having a relationship, you'll never be able to trust each other. Find out what kind of guy he is and help him to be like him and make both of your ways together, parallel, so that no one comes other ones line. The way you are sensitive that he hurt you, are you sure that you care enough that you are not hurting him? Take care of yourselves.

Answer 6

Look i do understand what u are saying.. I was the same way with my husband when i had him... Thats what he always wanted to watch. He would even wait til i went to bed or if i was laying down in the afternoons taking naps.. to watch that crap and would even get off doing it.. It was always about him and not me.. didnt matter what i wanted.. I never knew if he really cheated on me doing that i just think he got better pleasure from that than me.. He hurt me in a bad way.. never understood what he was doing wrong, but they never seem to care..

To me all men are perves.. seems as though they are all alike and have the same brains.. im really sorry he is doing this to u. U need to sit down with him one evening and just tell him how u feel.. Its the only way honey.. Good luck to u and happy holidays

Answer 7

Honestly , i havent. But u seem like a smart woman. U'll get through it. I have a friend that went through the same thing and i waz there for her. Ur hubby probably iz a good man, maybe he waz just out of hiz mind. Dont give up on him. this might sound a little crazy, but its eitheir porn or the real thing with real woman! Talk to him or try someone u really care about. writing in ur blog waz smart but u need somethin that will respond. If ur hubby iz hurtin u and knowing it, dust that dirt off ur shoulder and find a new jacket 2 wear over it. but if does not kno about the pain then let him kno wat iz on ur mind. And gurl if u need sumone 2 talk 2 E-mail me at: [e-mail] im here 4 ya!

Answer 8

You are definitely not alone. Lots of women are hurt by this.

One of the down sides of living in our culture it that women who are hurt by their husband or boyfriend's porn use are made to feel that something is wrong with them. Women who are hurt by this kind of thing are often told the problem is theirs, that they are too uptight, not sexually free enough or whatever. Don't believe it.

The problem is his, not yours, and it's serious. You are right to be hurt. What he has done is a violation of his relationship with you.

I recommend that you communicate to him very clearly that he must get help to get free from his porn problem. If he isn't willing, then you may have to tell him that you think a separation is appropriate until he is willing to get help.

You may want to look at this Web site, www.xxxchurch.com, they are a ministry devoted to helping men like your husband, if you ask him, he may be willing to take a look at it too.

Answer 9

Calm down about the porn issue. Guys look at porn. Sure there are some that don't, but I would bet they have bigger character flaws then that. I think you should try to spice up your love life a little. Act like a little slut for a change and make things exciting. It won't get him to stop watching porn ,but it might fulfill a fantasy or two, and who knows you might enjoy it. Have you considered watching porn with him. I bet he would love that.

Answer 10

take a big deep breath, your husband loves you, has sex with you, married you, is faithful to you. the porn is just something he looks at. it hurt me at first when my bf looked at it cuz i asked myself, what is wrong with me? over time, we have been together five years, we worked out that i am not always around and he enjoys watching it just as if it was a movie. he doesn't want to be with the people on the porn, its just as if you saw a photo of a gorgeous man and liked what you saw, very similar actually. don't stress, communication is key, talk to him about what you feel.