My fiance and I got into an argument that lead to him pushing me he claims he won't do it again do i believe?

Question

We had a confrontation and he said he was going to physically grab me. I said no you won't then he grabbed my arms and hurled me down the hall way. I did get hurt and sustained some pretty bad bruising on my arms and torso from the fall. He snapped out of his fury and immediately apologized and said he was sorry and could not believe that he did what he did. He said he has never done that to a woman, to which I said why would you do this to me then? I am worried that this will happen again, but he said that it won't and that he is desperately sorry and wants a chance to prove himself. I am aware that domestic violence usually starts out with this type of behavior and I am afraid it will continue even though he has never been violent with me before. He said he wants to go to counseling and wants to change his attitude. Do I believe him? Are people capable of never doing something like that again? I usually feel safe with him, but this has put a barrier in my ability to trust.

Answer 1

First off, I think it's great that you recognize that this could be a problem. If I were you I would stay with him, but proceed with caution. The thing is, people do make mistakes. Don't get me wrong-- I am in no way defending him. What he did was very very wrong. However, if you are really prepared to spend the rest of your life with him maybe you should give him ONE more chance. If you leave him now you will probably spend the rest of your life wondering whether or not you made the right decision. Put him into counseling. If he ever acts violently towards you again leave him and never look back. Then you'll know you made the right decision. Good luck.

Answer 2

If he's seriously sorry and made a mistake, he will immediately enroll in anger management classes or something to ensure that it will not happen again.
Put the relationship/engagement on hold until he 1-completes the counseling and 2-his counselor can offer you some assurance. He can have another chance once he proves that he took action to resolve the issue- NOT before.
DO NOT allow him to say he's "going to" and "wants to" get counseling and let days and weeks go by. He either does it today, or it's over.

Answer 3

I would definitely put the wedding on hold for a while.

It is possible that this could be a one time thing. Possible, but not necessarily likely. Either way, you need some time to assess whether he is a safe person or not.

You also need to let him know what you expect from him in terms of some standards of how he treats you. Let him know that if this ever happens again, the relationship is over. Insist that he get help for his anger and get involved in relationships with other men to whom he is accountable for his behavior.

Also, you may need help from someone you trust to help you evaluate whether he is sincere in never letting this happen again, or if he is putting up a front. You don't want to let yourself get trapped in a cycle of this kind of behavior.

Answer 4

I would go to counseling. One time my husband and i got into a huge argument and i was so angry i punched him in the face. I have never done anything like that before and i have not since. If he is willing to go to counseling then i highly recommend it. I know personally that it can happen once and never happen again. In my circumstances i found out about many, many, many lies that my husband told me and i was 6 months pregnant at the time. He did not deserve it, but i did loose control for a second. Although i had never hit him before i did have problems with anger and throwing tantrums. I recognized my anger issues and have been able to deal with them through spiritual guidance. I would not write him off just yet, but i would seek counseling and give him a chance to prove himself to you. If it ever happens again then you know he has serious issues and you need to leave him.

Answer 5

Oh no girl! Zebras can never change their stripes. The only way you can change a man is if he is in diapers! In my opinion, I wouldn't stay with him even though it may feel easier and comfortable at this time. I have had many failed relationships and each time my new boyfriend is so much better than the past ones. It is never okay to be physically abused.

Answer 6

I would think that this is only the beginning. I believe that it will only get worse even though he's never done it before.most abusers are immediately sorry after they abuse you. but if you want to stay, see that he does go to counseling and hold off on the wedding until you are absolutely sure and the trust is back. but my gut instinct tells me you should get out now while you can.

Answer 7

You sound like you have a good head on your shoulders. You already know that this is step one leading to an abusive relationship. If you want to continue trying, I suggest that you make him attend counseling and anger management. If he starts then stops or refuses completely, then you need to let him go.

Answer 8

He may do it again, or he may not. I think it's too early to say. He says he wants to counseling? Then make sure he does. If he doesn't actually seek counseling then it could become a problem. You believe him if he backs up what he says about going to counseling.

Answer 9

Pushing the buttons with someone like this will eventually lead to physical pushing.

You have to realize that sometimes you have to let the other person talk and explain things in the best way that you can, before you can react to something otherwise.

Answer 10

If he says that he doesn't understand how it happened it means he can lose his temper in certain situations - when he gets very angy, upset, whatever and then can't stop himself. He couldn't control himself then, he might not be able to control himself in future situations like this as well. Unless you want it to happen to you again, leave him.