What time should 12/13 year olds go to bed at?

Question

I am a working mom of five. My husband stays at home with the kids four days a week and I stay at home on the fifth day. I am an attorney but I make an effort to be home by five so we can all spend time as a family, eating together etc. Our three youngest (1,3,5) are usually in bad by six thirty and the older two(12/13) go to bed between seven and seven thirty. Recently the two older kids have been arguing against this and I have pushed his bedtime to 8,he is still not happy.What should I do,are bedtimes a thing of the past?
They are up at six every morning and I think it is important that they have a good nights sleep as they are very active all day. It also gives myself and my husband a bit of alone time in the evenings.

So nobody agrees with me, oh dear. Should ,y younger kids be going to be later too. Obviously my husband and I love hanging out with them so it is not a self serving thing. My 12 yr old is very hard to get up in the morning so it kinda started because of her I also try and let the 13 yr old stay up later than her so that he feels more grown up would 8.30 for her and 9 for him be normal?

Also at the weekends they usually stay yp til ten or ten thirty when we rent a movie. I'm only talking about during the week.Thanks

Answer 1

I think 9, maybe even 9:30 or 10 for the 13 year old. Seven is extremely early for a teenager, even a preteen - on summer nights the sun is still up for another hour. They're at an age when their friends will be calling around 8 or 8:30, when the other kids will be talking about "Lost" or some of the other shows. They're going to get a rash of crap if anyone finds out they're in bed by 7:30.

Besides, by the time they're 13, 8 hours is enough. If they get up at six they should be allowed to stay up until 10. Maybe a little more sleep is in order, but 7, even 8 pm is ridiculous for a teen and preteen.

My suggestion is to let them stay up until 9:30 or 10, but tell them if their schoolwork falters or they fall asleep in school they're back to 8pm. Tell them you'll be calling their teachers, at least for a couple of weeks, to make sure they are alert, and they will be on "watch" for any signs of excess fatigue during this probation period. If they seem to be functioning fine staying up until 9 or 10, then they've shown they can stay up later. If their performance falters, they have to go back to the earlier bedtime.

Any BTW, if the main reason you send them to bed that early is to get rid of them (aka, spend "alone time" with the significant other), your kids'll pick up on that and it will cause serious resentment. I'd bet it already has.

No one likes to be shoved away because they're inconvenient.
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Answer 2

I believe you are putting your children to bed way too early. You are right that children need a good nights rest but by 12/13 8-9 hours is more than enough. Even your 3 and 5 year olds are probably going to bed too early. I would say 7 for them. I would tell your 12/13 year olds to be in their room at 8 if you want quiet time and then allow them to stay awake until 9-9:30. They can read or do another quiet activity in their rooms. If they are difficult to get up in the morning or seem moody and tired during the day then you may have to adjust. I have never heard of 12/13 year olds being made to go to bed as early as you are making them.

Answer 3

My first thought was 10, so I am definitely with the kids on this one. My kids don't get up until 7:30 a.m., though, so I can appreciate your concern about getting enough sleep and having some time with your husband.

8 seems early to me, though. Do they have to have their lights out at 8? Maybe in their rooms by 8:30, lights off at 9. I don't remember going to sleep before 10:30 or 11 anytime as a teenager. Good luck! I would think that if they're staying up too late and not getting enough sleep that they'll start putting themselves to bed earlier if they need it. Not being in the teenage zone yet, I'm not sure how the control issues work and while reverse psychology seems like it might have its merits, I can understand the times when you just have to draw the line.

Answer 4

My four year old goes to bed between 7:30 and 8:00 so a 13/14 year old in my opinion during the school week probably should be in their rooms by 9:30 not past 10 though!! Do what you feel is right though!! Good luck

Answer 5

A twelve or thirteen year old kid should be having about 8 and a half to 9 hours of sleep. Yes, 8 and a half would be good for the twelve year old and 9 for the thirteen year old. But do not give in to anything later! A little bit of sleepiness in the morning is normal, but if the start to get very tired in the day, make the bed time earlier.

Answer 6

It all really depends on what the kids have to get up to go to school but 6:30 and 7:30 is way too early. At age 12/13, they usually need around 9 hours of sleep. If they are up at 6, they should get into bed by about 9PM. The 3 and 5 year old should go to bed at 8PM.

I'm sorry but putting kids to bed this early is like saying you want them out of sight.

Answer 7

Personally, I think the bedtimes for all of you kids is way too early except for the 1 year old. I would say 7:30 for the 3 & 5 year old and 9:00 for the 12 & 13 year olds. That's just my feeling. I would want to have more time at home with my kids than 1 1/2 hours.

Answer 8

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Answer 9

Ok, first your 3 and 5 year old should be the ones going to bed around 8ish or thereabouts. As for the 12/13 year olds, there really isn't any need for them to be in bed before 9 or 10 pm. Unless they require more sleep than "normal" teens. My 11 year old goes to bed at 10 pm and has for a year now. My 15 year old goes when I do at 11 pm.

And obviously you've been with hubby quite some time to have that many kids. I think you've had enough time with him and it's time to start being a mother to your kids, that includes spending time with them. Besides you snuggle with hubby at night, does that not constitute as "quality time" too with you? Give your kids a break!!!!

Answer 10

I was going to say 9:30----but since their bedtime is only 7:30 right now, maybe pushing it to 9:30 is too big a jump. Perhaps they need to start winding down around 8:30--teeth brushed, pjs on and settled in by 9?

Plus, you don't have to spend time with them between 8:00 and 8:30---they can go off and do their own thing in their rooms--perhaps family time froms upper to 8, then their own time to wind down before bed. That gives you and your husband that extra hour, but also gives them a later bed time. Obviously, you then have from 9 on when they're in bed to have real alone time