Should me and my Fiance elope or wait it out? I'm in the Navy and my fiance is a civilian.?

Question

All of my family and her mom and dad want us to be engaged for a year before we marry. She is planning on moving in with me and moving up to NC when I transfer in January. I'm going with the Marines so I'm going to lose my housing allowance unless I get married. If we are not married, we will have to pay rent using our basic monthly income. She only makes $977/mo with a 2 year old to raise and I will only be making around $1700/mo. I will get an extra $795/mo if we are married. Also, she is giving up a 100% scholarship to move out-of-state with me. She won't be able to get in-state tuition in NC unless she is my legal spouse, not to mention the dozens of scholarships available only to military spouses. Should we just make it work for the next 6 mos until the real wedding date after we lived with each other, should we go to the courthouse and legally marry now and have a "fake" wedding for our family later, or should we just elope before January and invite the family to join us?

Answer 1

I think yall should wait for a little while

Answer 2

Yo Scrunt! (Half Squid, half Grunt), You're either an RP or an HM. My guess is HM. Stop looking at just the finances. Money will come and go, but if you do it right marriage lasts forever (divorce lasts even longer). If you take the money out of the equation, what's to be gained by eloping? You'll still have to report to PSD with the paperwork and that won't kick in over night. Honestly, I'd recommend you check in with the command's Chaplain and do the counselling. You may just learn a few things about one another that you weren't anticipating. And, it'll give you a chance to cool your jets and think a little more clearly. You haven't mentioned "Love" at all. How good is she at decision making and the handling of YOUR finances? While you're deployed or doing major work-ups, she's going to be on her own and in charge. While I was out for a couple of weeks, my first wife got suckered into buying over $300 worth of magazines -- $300 we couldn't aford. She was responsible for hurting my career -- I had to DOR from SEAL training because of her and her foolishness. Like you, I was looking at the finances and was getting ready to transfer. Felt under the gun a little, so we eloped. Four years later, she was gone. Glad it wasn't ten years, she'd have been entitled to half of my retirement .

Answer 3

How old are you? How long have you two been together? If you have known each other for a while at this point, the length of time between getting engaged and getting married doesn't really matter. But if you haven't, your family has a good point; it wouldn't be wise to rush into things simply for the convenience of getting the housing allowance. It kind of depends on how comfortable you are with each other and with the whole idea of being married. My husband and I got married within 4 months of engagement, but we'd lived together for a year prior to getting engaged.

Answer 4

Its your wedding, not anyone elses, so do what you guys want to do. I understand the situation cause I was a military wife. If she wants a big wedding and is really being honest about it, then you have to wait for her to get that. Girls dream about that day. But i think it would be ok to go to courthouse and then still have a big wedding. You dont have to tell people you are already married. Good luck

Answer 5

I'd say go for it. If your feelings are true and you know you want to be with her, then why wait it out when there are so many more benefits (not just financial), to getting married now. Have a nice small wedding now, invite family, that way you don't have to do it over again in a year. If you know you're meant to be with her, why wait any longer... I say jump in! :)

Answer 6

well here's the thing, it sounds like your a corpsman going green side,, if you are below the rank of HM3 you are going to have a hard time convincing the command to let you move off post to begin with unless you are married.but at the same time don't jump in to a marriage to for the convenience of it. Don't make her give up a full ride just to move with you.wait the 6 months out i mean it is only 6 months,, not that long,, and by that time you can have a place lined up for your new family to move in to. i know Jacksonville and it is hard to find a nice place that is with in your budget even after getting bha.so you are going to need time to find a place. it took me 6 or 7 months to find a place before my new wife came out to NC to be with me, and it still wasn't the best place to live.

Answer 7

I think you shoould get married now i mean that if you go back to the marines you will never know what will happen... if you wait you will be taking a huge chance. i think you should elope and have a big family party when you get home.

Answer 8

I say get married now if you both know it is right! Tell the family your situation. Then have the wedding for your family and friends later.

Answer 9

Depends on how badly u guys want to be together. if thats she situation with the fam then you dont wanna be on bad terms with the fam. my bf is in the air force and he gets out in July of 08 and were planning to get married in March of 08. we want to be with each other badly..but we decided to make it a year from our engagement..just to have everything planned out and ready to go. so i'd say wait....if she is good in her situation now leave it be. me and my bf are fine..he's stationed in texas and im in cali and now he's in kuwait..so yea..wait

Answer 10

wow a tough situation.... i would get married.. if its gona help you both. but really make sure of this b/4 doing it... my husband is in the navy and we had to do this as well.. it all workd out just fine though!! good luck!