Should I have my sister in my wedding party?

Question

I have two sisters. One I get along with really well and would like to ask to be my Maid of Honour... the other and I have fallen out during the past 5 years and she recently did something which I can't respect or forgive. I still love her but both my fiance and I cannot really handle this thing she did/is doing and I don't know if having her in the wedding party is a good idea or not. And if I don't have her in it, is it still okay to ask my other sister to be my Maid of Honour?

Anyone have any advice? Or been in a similar situation?

I'm reading a lot of good answers and its helping a lot -- thanks! But just to elaborate a bit on the situation ... I don't know if she even knows how upset I am about this situation, she does not see it as a big a deal as I do. We live very far away from one another and no I don't intend on having our children around each other much.

Answer 1

It depends on what she did and how bad it is. She will always be your sister, but it is YOUR wedding. If it is going to impair your day then no, just because you come from the same gene pool donesn't mean she is your sister.
I am getting married soon and didn't even invite my sister. same kind of thing, I just won't have MY day ruined...and it would be. Call me bridezilla...but...it is your guest list and it's up to you and your man, no one else.
Maybe you would help her in a way by setting some boundries and saying you can only get away with so much before you start losing people in your life, might be the kindest most sisterly thing you could ever do for her to leave her out. good luck and happy life!!!!!

Answer 2

Ok when I only saw "Should I have my sister in my wedding party?" I thought YES, YES, YES...but as I read further I am not all that sure?? Definitely have the for lack of a better word "good" sister as your MOH. She has done nothing wrong and not having her in your wedding because of something the other sister has done is wrong and completely unfair. To say the least I am completely intrigued by what the heck your sister has done but being it non of my business I can tell it has caused you much unforgivable pain. What you need to do is think out both scenarios along with your fiance. If she is not a part of your life to begin with all of a sudden dragging her into it on such an important event would not be advisable-- this could be extremely uncomfortable and regretful afterward. Being that only you know the severity of the situation only you can decide. On another note something inside of you has caused you to stop and think this thru and maybe even a very small part of you wants to consider her again. Again it's up to you just simply decide if you want her back in your life or not. Don't add her in your wedding just to be in your wedding and just because she's your sister. Put her in only if you want her back in your "life".

Answer 3

If you and your fiance are really appalled by her actions then you are justified in not including her in your wedding party. However, you also mentioned that your sister doesn't know how upset you are, so she might not understand why she hasn't been asked. You should talk to your sister about the situation before you make that decision. Maybe once she understands she'll apologize and then you can have her in your wedding. If she doesn't make amends then at least she will understand why she isn't in your wedding. As for your other sister go ahead and ask her but give her a heads up so that she doesn't get caught in the middle of the problem with your other sister.

Answer 4

Why can't you talk to her and explain to her the situation? Explain to her that you're not sure you're comfortable with having her as a bride's maid. Just know you could do more hurt and damage by not talking to her. As for having the other sister as your maid of honor I don't see why it'd be a problem, but you do need to talk to your other sister, make things right, how would you feel if she were gone tomorrow and you'd not made your peace.

Answer 5

You should have both sisters in your wedding - like someone else said in their answer, you can't chose your family. You and your sister may be fighting now, but that's not always going to be the case and down the road you are going to regret it if you don't have her in your wedding.
My sister and I used to not speak at all because all we did was argue - but now we're closer and I couldn't imagine not having her in my wedding - she's actually going to be my maid of honor next October when I do get married

Answer 6

There is no rule that says your entire family has to be a part of the wedding. If the other sister causes you tension and stress I would not ask her. You are going to be under enough stress on your wedding day without having to deal with whatever she may do or say.

Answer 7

I would think it is ok, to ask you other sister, as you want people standing up with you that love and support you. I am not sure what happended, but you have to make the best choice for your self, and it sounds like having her in the party would be not good for anyone to much tension, just be prepared to answer her why questions and that of family members, if you get asked

Answer 8

It's your wedding and you can have anyone you please to be maid of honor, and don't let something like this ruin it. If your 2nd sister can't handle it, then she shouldn't have done something to make you and your fiance this upset.

Plan your wedding how you want and with who you want to share it with, not by what your family expects.

Answer 9

We all make mistakes and do things other people disagree with. She is still your sister, so I would suggest having her in your wedding party. You still love her and I don't think it would be fair to have your other sister as your maid of Honor and leave your troubled sister completely out of it.

Answer 10

If you dont want your sister to feel bad tell her that she is too old to be a brides maid. That's what my cousin said to me and im only 24. She will understand. Now don't bring it up unless she asks why she wasn't picked.