My 5 year old's best friend is the devil, and I feel like I'm the only one who sees it.?

Question

First off I am not "that mom" that thinks her child is perfect and never does anything wrong. We are really close with our next door neighbors,our sons are only 5 months apart and are best buddies. The past few months there has been a shift in their sons behavior and attitude and he is completely unbearable to be around. He is sneaky and mean and says horrible things to my son. For instance if they are playing catch and my son catches the ball one time and theirs doesn't he will tell my son that he is mean and that they aren't friends anymore unless my son tells him he's sorry 100 times. Or when my son was talking about the TV show 2 Stupid Dogs the friend buts in and says "that is a bad word and Santa isn't going to bring you presents now because you are bad." And the friend watches that show too! In the morning carpool he tells the other kids to be quiet and he will give them candy or pizza while he runs his mouth telling them how bad they are. What can I do?

The parents are totally clueless and even if they hear some of the things they act like nothing happened and their son did nothing wrong while my son will be crying cause his feelings are crushed. Then I get the look from them like, oh there goes your son again....crying as usual. How do I handle the situation while still making sure my son behaves correctly and doesn't retaliate with meaness?

Answer 1

You cannot tell others how to parent.
What you are going to have to do, is tell your own son what is appropriate behavior, which it sounds like you have already.. just re-in force it by not letting him play with that devil boy.

You can on your own talk to that boy, and tell him that it's not nice to treat so called friends that way, and you will not be letting him play with your son till he figures that out. Seen as the Parents are not doing that. If it was me, I'd make a point of saying something to him, cause how will the child learn otherwise? (It takes a whole neighborhood to raise kids)

Next... find something else for your son to do, take him to other places to play.. just cause that boy is in the neighborhood don't mean they 'have to' be friends. Take your son to another park to play and meet friends, also make plans with kids from his class to play with, he can go there, or his friend from class come over.

Put him in different activities where he can make better friends.. here we have what's called "kids Zone" it's church based, but the kids have alot of fun there.

Answer 2

When your son is being good let him know that you appreciate it, say something like "Wow Adam I sure like your calm body and how you are in control of your words, high five"
I had this little kid that was the devil also and I would do this with my kid and he wanted compliments too, so I told him to be good so I'd have a compliment to give him.
And when he's bad just ignore it and praise your son. Tell "the little devil" that if he cannot say nice things or behave that he is no longer allowed to hang around your son, nobody wants to be friends with the mean kid.
Also the parents have to take the blame for this one.
If they praised their kid and told him that negativety is not allowed he probably wouldn't be like this.
All kids act out, but your response is what will determine if the behavior continues.
Like I said praise is the best thing you can give a child, they want attention and when they find they can get it a certain way they will keep doing that behavior. When they find you acknowledge the good behavior they will keep doing it so you give them attention. Make sure you give rewards such as stickers, high-fives, hugs, fake tattooes, even a couple gummy bears or a piece of candy.
Make sure you give them options and if they want something else remind them of the choices and that if they can't choose you will choose for them. A great choice would be "If you want to be here you either use nice words or you go home" Stick to your guns and hopefully he will come around.
Good Luck!!

Answer 3

In our society if you do not stand up for yourself, you are fair game, sigh. Believe it or not, the neighbor boy is bullying the others verbally instead of physically, probably because his parents corrected some type of aggression on his part. The parents probably feel verbal bullying is better than physical, so are not correcting this behaviour.
The little boy is trying to see how far his verbal manipulations can take him. Your son and his other friends should not totally ignore this. Your son alone probably cannot correct this behavior. At 5 he will not be able to convince his friends to join him in standing up for their own self-esteem, if they are being bribed with food.
Your son needs to out-bribe the neighbor son and step up to the leadership plate if he wants to change things. YOU cannot change anything, except how much time they spend together, and how much influence the neighbor's son has over yours.
If your son was to get control of the group they could shut the other kid down by ignoring the small stuff and jumping down his throat on the larger insults. If it was more than one against one, the bully will back down and wait for an opportunity.
You should discuss with your son how you feel about the situation. I would enlarge your social circle and not interact with either the boy or his parents on a one-on-one basis. They feel you are fair game already, because you didn't say anything the first time. Don't burn bridges ot start a fight withneighbors, but you could sign up for other activities and become so invovled in other things that you don't socialize so closely with them.
Their son is not the devil and neither are they. They may be lacking empathy and social grace. They may be telling the poor fellow he is the greatest and bestest too much or the kid may have low self-esteem due to their overbearing attitudes. Hard to tell.
So don't give it any more thought. Just figure a way to either distance you and your son from them socially, or show your son how to take control, or how to stand up for himself. Standing up for him self in this instance may invovle quick retorts of similar kind, stepping up close to the other fellow physically and just saying "say that again!" . But if he takes an aggressive tone, you are going to have to make sure he can back it up pretty good.
He could outsmart this verbal bully by playing pranks and jokes on him constantly. If a bully isn't winning, they tend to move on to easier victims. Bullies like to pick out one victim at a time, so a group is also a good defense, as long as it isn't the bully's bought and paid for group.

Good luck. Watching our kids figure things out and how to take care of themselves can be frustrating. But this occurs daily everywhere in the world. You cannot be with them 24/7, so show him various ways to manage situations and hope for the best.
I have seen mothers tell kids that they cannot tell others they are bad. The mothers always say something like, their are no BAD children, only BAD behaviors. Then they make the offending party apologize ... usually teachers do this. It makes the victims feel better mostly. Bullies don't hear what they don't want to hear.

Answer 4

The next time you hear this boy berating or belittling your son, tell the other little boy he needs to go home. If he can't talk nice, he can't play. Give it a couple of days and then try again. If he gets sent home every time he is rude, he will either stop being rude or stop coming over. Either way the problem is solved. If the parents want to know why little "Jimmy " is getting sent home, tell them what he said to your boy. If they are in the least rational or concerned with their son's behavior they should back you up on it.

Answer 5

Talk to his mother about this. Tell her its going on and you wanted her to know. You don't want to seperate the boys, but you don't want your kid treated like this by his best friend. If she corrects him and things get better, cool. If not, start leaving anytime the other boy starts pullng this garbage with your child. Maybe that will show the other kid that not everyone likes his behavior.

After reading your added comments, forget what I said. Drop the kid from your son's allowed friends and continue with life. If his parents are allowing him to be that way, its best to not have a friendship with any of them. The sad thing is that the kid mimics what he hears. I bet that is all things they tell him on a constant basis. Feel sorry for the kid, but protect your child. Friends are supposed to be nice to us, not mean.

Answer 6

Don't let your child play with this kid. At 5 years old you can still choose his friends. Just explain to your son that you don't like the way this boy behaves and you don't want him to play with him anymore. It might affect your friendship with the neighbors, but what is more important your son or your neighbors feelings?

In situations like this, I tell my kids that they shouldn't be mean, but they don't have to be friends with this kid. They should be polite, but they don't have to be nice or friendly as long as they are civil.

Answer 7

I think this is normal behavior for a five year old. He is hearing from somewhere all these things are bad. He also thinks he is superior to them or wants them to think he is. Where is his mother during all this? Does she try to correct him? I think you should say something to the boy when he does such things. Tell him he is wrong. Make him knwo what he is doing is not right. If his mother dont know about these things I would have a talk with her. It is not to late to correct this terrible situation.

Answer 8

Are you driving the carpool? If you are, then call up his mom and tell her that her son can't carpool with you anymore because of his attitude and behavior. Don't allow your son to play with him either. We had this problem with the little boy down the street. Rude, mean, calling names, etc. We finally didn't let the kids play with him and they're attitudes completely turned around back to normal after that.

Answer 9

Sorry Pam, but if that was my son, the friendship would cease until the mom can get a handle on this before it starts affecting your son.

Answer 10

Sounds to me like their son could use a spanking.

And baddest, apparently your mom LIVED in the microwave. So, shut up. Do you even have kids?