The father of my child left when he found out I was pregnant he wanted me to have an abortion...and that was not an option for me...since then I raised him on my own he was not at the hospital when he was born etc etc...the baby is now 18 months old...he doesn't even acknowledge that the baby is his to his family or anyone else.
So now I am taking him for child support and he wants to suddenly be a family.....He said if I am not with him he will not be a father to the baby ....
So I guess what I am asking is should I go so my baby will have his father....part of me wants to tell him to get lost and the other wants us to be a family.....please I need advice...
2006-11-14 03:41:17 · 31 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
Being a family does not entail blackmail. He should want to be a father to this child even though he is not with you - thats what being a father is - if you go with him you have no guarantees of him ever being a father to your child cause from what you are saying he does not understand the term. He has to show you that he is a father to your child and a proper one before you even consider being with him - the disappointments that may occur may make you more depressed and you need to be the best mother for your child right now. Take a deep look at what is best for you and the proper upbringing of your child and take one step at a time - good luck
2006-11-14 04:30:09 · answer #1 · answered by jodie 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
THIs man is a manipulator. Now that you are asking for money the baby so well deserves from him, NOW he wants to be part of your life? NO, I see this as a move to CONTROL YOU.
This man ran off when you became pregnant adn has had nothing to do with this child or you since. You get married and become a family becuase you LOVE SOMEONE. He does NOT LOVE YOU. This baby deserves to be in a loving family - and if that is just you and the baby now, it's better than being in a family devoid of love - one where you might fight, the dad might cheat, or this man ends up controlling and being abusive to you and your son.
Don't risk it. Make him pay child support, and live your life and maybe you will find a man that can love you both. But don't take him back - he is blackmailing you and it isn't right. He has proven to be nothing but a scoundrel, and you and your son deserve BETTER.
2006-11-14 11:45:36 · answer #2 · answered by KB 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Dont do it for the baby. In the long run the child will suffer because you and the father dont get along. I think he is just saying that he wants to be a family to see if you will back off on the child support. He can get visitation if he really wants to be a father.
2006-11-14 11:49:32 · answer #3 · answered by mnwomen 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I can relate with you on this one. Men kind of freak out in unplanned pregnancy situations. Especially if they are unsure about the relationship. That is not an excuse for his actions though. He might just want you back so that you will not try to get child support from him then he could just leave you both again. If you have some feelings for him tell him you both could try dating each other and see how it goes. Just like if you were dating without having a child except when he sees the baby. do not move in with him though it will just be a set up for heartbreak.
2006-11-14 11:48:19 · answer #4 · answered by Venus 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You need to figue out if you want to be with him again. Was he a good boyfriend before he left? Did he treat you well? Do you trust him to stay? Most importantly, do you love him? If the answer is no, then you need to seek legal advice as he may push for joint custody of the child. Find out what your options are and go from there. He probably thinks that if he's going to pay child support that he might as well be in the picture everyday too, but if you don't love him and he has given you no reason to believe that he still loves you too, then it would be a mistake to get back together.
2006-11-14 11:47:44 · answer #5 · answered by tipper 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He is only doing it so you will drop the child support. This guy sounds like a real big jerk. Why would you even waste your time thinking this over. NO! NO! NO! Make him pay for the 18 months of your child's life that he missed out on by saying,"NO!" If he doesn't want to be a part of your child's life then HIS LOSS NOT YOUR BABY'S OR YOURS!!! Don't ever forget that!!!!
2006-11-14 13:43:22 · answer #6 · answered by Rosie_Says 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I went through something like this with my daughters father. I gave him the chance for us to be a family but I still filed for child support. I would like to tell ou that we had a happy ending but that's not the case. He decided to leave me and the baby again and he still doesn't pay child support and my daughter is 5 years old. I have found somebody new that treats my daughter like his own. He has done more for her in 2 years than her father has done since she was born. You have to ask yourself what you are willing to put up with to be a family. Do not stop child support. And if you decide to not be with him there are plenty of MEN who will love you and your child. Trust me.
2006-11-14 11:51:44 · answer #7 · answered by Sweetness 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
No, if he does not respect the need for all children to be nurtured because none of them cause their own birth then he is being selfish.
I was leaving my wife many years ago after six years of childless marriage. I wanted children, she did not however when I was breaking up the house all of a sudden she became pregnant.
As a result the baby was brought up in an abusive atmosphere because my ex thought only of her own well being. If the well being of your child is not your first priority, in league with the other parent and he won't pay any attention unless he has you then he does not care about the child or you. He cares about himself, first.. Don't teach your child to make the same mistake as you would be making if you take him back.
2006-11-14 11:52:09 · answer #8 · answered by richardnattress 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Don't Go! Hell No!!!
This creep has shown you in many ways that he does not care about your feelings or your child. He is just doing what is most convienant for him.
He can save money for child support if you shack up with the selfish *******.
If you use your leverage and get a court order for child support, you can get assistance for your baby and still have the option of not having to be involved with him to get financial support.
Even if you punk out and decide to go back to him, still get a child support order FIRST. That way you will have more independence - at least financially.
Learn from this experience and use your wisdom to behave differently in future relationships. Give yourself the chance to meet a "good man" that will shower you and your child with lots of "respect and love".
2006-11-14 11:51:41 · answer #9 · answered by anosey1 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
No, you have to think of your child first. He doesn't sound sincere about being a father, a good father to your child. I have a son from a relationship that sounds exactly like yours. Every few months my ex would decide he wanted to be a family. But it was hard to trust him since he didn't sound sincere. Since then I've found a good guy that makes a wonderful father to my son. Your child comes first. No father is better than a bad father, I think. At least this way your child doesn't know his/her dad, rather than wondering what he/she did to make daddy not care.
2006-11-14 11:46:24 · answer #10 · answered by Kallie 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋