My parents tell me that I need to get my son baptized, but my boyfriend is not religious?

Question

We are catholic. We dont attend church on a regular basis. Accualy we dont attend church on a basis at all. I had my son 3 weeks ago and never thought about baptizem. Last night I was talking to my parents and they brought it up. I told them I wasnt going to do it. They were really upset and told me that they would sneek my son to the church if I didnt do it. My boy friend is not religious at all, and I dont even know how to approch him with such a serious thing. I have never even known my boyfriend to walk into a church. I would emagine that both parents have to be presant at the time. Any thoughts opinions?

Answer 1

Well, let me ask you something. Who is the parent of this boy? You or your parents? You are, right? Then it's up to YOU and your boyfriend to have the child baptized, not your parents. Whether your parents are religious or not or will be present if you do baptize your son or not, you're the boy's parents, not them, and they cannot tell you that you have to have him baptized if you and the boy's father choose not to.

Sure, they can disapprove all they want, but he's not their son, so they don't have a say in whether or not he gets baptized. You're the child's mother, it's your decision, and the father's.

It's wrong of them to go behind your back if you decide not to and sneak him to church to indoctrinate him against your wishes. Luckily, I don't think they can baptize him for you, so you're safe from that at least. I'm pretty sure that for a baptism to be successfully carried out, both parents have to agree to it, so the grandparents on either side won't be able to take him to church and baptize him without you there.

As far as sneaking him to services, it's wrong for them to do that against your wishes, so I guess what I'd personally do(and you're free to disregard the suggestion, this is my opinion and suggestion for your question, it's not a must, sweetie. :)) is limit how much time my kids would spend with a grandparent who thinks their way is the "right" way to raise a child, even if it means going behind a parent's back. If I had to have my kids spend time with such a grandparent, I wouldn't do so unsupervised as that's when they'd "sneak" him to church, is when you're not there.

But that's worst-case scenario, if you catch them sneaking your son to church and they repeatedly do so against your will or give the ultimatum that they'll stop when you baptize him. You have to be firm in your decision as a mother and make them understand that they're the boy's grandparents and their input is welcome, but they cannot overrule you.

What I'd suggest you do before even considering limitation of visits with your son's grandparents is talk to your boyfriend. If he's not religious, he may not even be aware that your family considers baptism to be important. Talk to him, see what he thinks. If he doesn't care one way or another, and you either don't care or ok with it, go for it. But if you don't want to do it, don't. Your decision, hon, not your parents. They can add their opinion, but they are not the ultimate decision makers for your child. You are.

So talk to your boyfriend about it, tell him about the conversation with your parents to see what he thinks. If you decide not to, stick to your guns. If you decide to, then that works, too. Your parents just have to know that you're the boy's mother, not them, and that you'll decide what's best for the child, not them. If they don't like it, tough.

And if they do sneak him to church, stick to your guns and let them know it isn't right to go behind your back and contradict what you're teaching your son. If they keep doing it, then stick to your plans, don't bend if they resort to ultimatums if baptism isn't something you want to do for your son. A grandparent who is hellbent on going against a mother's wishes just because they disapprove, is trying to be in control of your and your son's lives, and don't have the boy's best interests at heart.

Good luck to you! :)

Answer 2

Here what i have to say about this when you are baptized you have to understand the reason why you are being baptized if your son dont comprehend the reasoning behind it there is no need. When your baptized your showing to the congregation that the old self has died and the new has resurrected. Think of Jesus's Death the old passed away and the new began that means the old is wahed away and your starting a new life as a new man Baptisism can not save you only believing Christ and accepting him as your Lord and personal Savior can do that but what it shows is that your showing the church that you have changed your ways and are renewing your mind and becoming more christ like so if he is to young to understand this there is no reason to. I have two children 5 and 3 and i have been in church for about 3 years now well rededicated to the Lord on fire for him and i have been baptized, But until my children understand why they are being baptized thye wont be.

Answer 3

You can have him Christened if you like even if none of you ever go to church - it is a beautiful family affair and a custom that goes back to Adam and Eve but Water Baptism is an individual decision to be made by someone who has accepted Christ Jesus as their Lord and Savior . I was 8 years old when I believed the gospel and decided to be baptized. Then I did it again when I was 23 and again when I was 30 years old. Why? Because whenever I strayed away from God and came back, I wanted to show the Father that I was serious about wanting to live right and to be cleansed in the blood of the lamb of God which is Christ Jesus - water baptism is a symbolism of that because we cannot literally be baptised in lambs blood - that is just unreasonable...so we do it in water and have since before Christ came as a preparation for him - thus John - The Baptist.

Answer 4

You are not a catholic, you may have been raised catholic, your parents may still be catholic, but having a child out of wed lock is not a very catholic thing to do. In some catholic countries, you would not even be able to baptize your child because he would be legally listed as a bastard.

If you want to be catholic, dump your boyfriend, find a nice catholic man who will accept you and your son, get married, baptize your child, go to church and do the whole catholic thing.

If you don't want to be catholic, tell your parents to piss off, live with your boyfriend until he walks out and moves in with his girlfriend, raise your child by yourself without any moral guidance, live in terror as you watch your son get into drinking and drugs and ends up in prison for bank robbery.

Its up to you.

The right thing to do is always the scariest and the most rewarding.

Answer 5

Your parents are worried about your son. They are religious, brought you up to be religious. The way they see it, your non-religious boyfriend is posioning you away from the church. Who's idea is it to not baptize the boy? Does you boyfriend let you know that he doesn't want this? If you grew up Catholic, then you knew what baptism was.

Seriously, talk this over with yoru boyfriend and figure out what you want. You'll get a bunch of non-religious saying that baptism is pushing a religion, but don't listen to them. This is something you ahve to do. I fyou are still CAtholic, baptise the baby. It's a beautiful ceremony. Don't give up on religion because of your boyfriend.

Answer 6

A coworker of mine wasn't raised any particular religion, but her grandmother who wanted her to be baptized and raised Catholic used to trick her into going to mass by saying, "Let's go to ice cream!" and then 'stopping by' church on the way home. My friend is now very anti-religion, and in fact more than a little nervous when it comes to really religious people.

The moral of the story - this is YOUR child. Stick to your guns. If it never occurred to you and you boyfriend wouldn't want you child baptized, don't do it to appease your parents. Ultimately it will drive a rift between you and the father of your child. Besides, just because Catholics believe you have to baptize a baby doesn't mean all Christian faiths do. Baptists are firmly against baptizing anyone until they're old enough to understand what baptism means and to choose Jesus on their own.

Answer 7

Being Catholic, baptism is a sacrament and a rite of passage. So you're not really baptizing the child as much for your family but for the child.

As a Baptist, I was blessed twice. Christened as a babe and washed as an adult.

It would be customary for all the family to be present at what would be considered a joyous occasion. But attending church is more for education and ratifying your faith. Choosing to baptize if you don't believe would be a farce.

Since you seem to want to have a family unit built around yourself and the baby's father, this is the place where it's your choice what happens. Your parents may be upset because you not showing faith directly reflects on them. But they have no right to make decisions for you. If they make choices for your child without your permission, they are robbing you of your parental rights.

So you have to ask yourself, what kind of parent are you going to be, and what kind of person are you preparing for the world?

Answer 8

This is your child and you can do whatever it is you choose. Don't baptize the child just because your parents want you to. If you want to baptize the child that is your choice and if it is important to you then talk to your bf about it. I am not sure whether both parents have to be present, I don't think so b/c you hear all the time how the parents are two different religions and the child is baptized/recognized in only one of them. Only do it if it is important to you and if you want to bring the child up in a specific religion.

And on your parents seeking the baby in, I don't think that would work since they aren't the parents! I doubt a priest would agree to that. So good try. lol

Good Luck :)

Answer 9

I was raised Catholic and baptized as a baby. When I became an adult and learned more about Christianity, I chose to be baptized again. I seriously believe that the choice to be baptized is with that person alone. I also believe that children are pure in God's eye, why else would he want us to be more childlike. My children made the choice to be baptized when they were 8 and 9 years of age and I was so proud of them! Talk to your boyfriend and the two of you decide what is best for your child. Your parents have raised you, now you raise your baby.

Answer 10

I would sit down and discuss your feelings with him about why you would like to get it done. Do some research...talk to your parents bishop about it (I think that is what they call your ministers...not sure as i'm not Catholic) and see if he can give you any advice. In the Christian religion, some babies aren't baptised until they are almost a year old. So don't feel you need to rush things just because your parents want you to. This is a personal decision. I think the baby should be baptised, but when and where is YOUR decision. Good luck with what you decide.