how do you deal with grief ..even after this person has been gone 10 years? ..?

Question

my brother commited suicide in 1996..iam still having a hard time getting over his death..i..does anyone know how i can solve this part of my life ?

Answer 1

Suicide is hard to get over particularly becuase you wonder "what could I have done to stop him" but really there often isnt much you could have done.. and think of it this way.. its what he wanted.. if he wanted to live he wouldnt have done it..
so while that may or may not be of comfort to you.. I think some level of grief remains always...
for his sake you must let him go.. accept what he did and move on with your life.. say a prayer to him and let him go.....

Answer 2

You are never going to totally solve it. You will however come to terms with it. Suicide is such a terrible ordeal for family members to deal with. Everyone has different emotions, but the one we all have in common is guilt. For some reason we think we should have seen it coming, we should have been there for that person, or we should have been able to stop it. If someone wants to commit suicide, and is determined, they will succeed.
Grieving has no schedule. Everyone I know took different time frames to come to terms with the death. For my sister it has been 20 years. I still grieve, but the intensity is less. If you are not too private and would like to share, a support group might be beneficial. Or grief counseling by a hospice service. Some of us just need someone to listen! You decide, and give yourself time, lots of time.

Answer 3

I'm very sorry to hear that. I have a cousin who did the same thing, he was in his late 20's. It is very tragic, and it's difficult for the family left behind.

Sometimes I think it's harder to accept because it wasn't a "natural" death. In my cousin's case I know his parents always wondered if they could have done anything that would have "prevented" it. In truth, I don't think so. His mom took him for all kinds of "treatment" and "babysat" him for days on end. He still found a way.

Grief doesn't know or care how many "years" have gone by. Unless you are able to truly "grieve" for your brother and find a way to "work through your grief", I don't think you will be able to put it behind you.

When my father died (from a tragic illness) at an early age, I was filled with anger and hurt. For a couple years I was mad at God and everyone else. I wasn't able to accept his death and I was a pretty "miserable" person.

A close friend of mine who volunteered at a local hospital, told me about a "Grief Seminar" the hospital offered and suggested I look into it. With some "reservations" I decided to go.

It was the best thing I could have ever done. I would strongly suggest that anyone who is having trouble dealing with "grief", find one and go to it. It was the only thing that helped me and I don't think I could have worked through it without their help.

I met so many people who were all grieving over their losses. Some lost spouses, some parents, others lost children or siblings. They were the ones who really "understood" my grief and together, we all helped each other.

I've never been much of a "joiner" but I knew I needed some help. Everyone needs a little "help" at one time or another. It's nothing to be ashamed of and there's help available.

Try your local hospital, look on-line for your area, check the phone book. I'm sure you will be able to find a support group close to you.

Please do this for yourself, life is too short. Your brother wouldn't want you to spend the rest of your life grieving over the loss of his. I offer you my prayers and best wishes. You deserve to be happy and enjoy your life. Do whatever it takes to ensure that happens. God bless you.

Answer 4

I lost a daughter in 1989, and I still live with grief.
For me, the answer has been to stop fighting the grief. Allow it to surface, face it, deal with it, and then put it in a place, knowing you'll come back to it. And I DO come back to it.
However, you might have some issues relating to his death that a professional counselor could help you with. Talking to a skilled counselor might help you with some of the complexities of your feelings, and also with the business of "putting it in a place". Know that others care, and that you're not alone.

Answer 5

Can you add some more info?
Is there guilt? Did you get along when he died? Are you angry at him leaving? Do you want to know why? Did he leave a note?

Is there anything in particular that is bothering you besides the obvious fact that you're sad he's gone, and in such a way.
Maybe there are some specific things you need to work on or get over

Answer 6

You need some professional help. Time doesn't necessarily heal all wounds. While this is a sad reality, there isn't some automatic time-clock for grief. It differs for different people and this is especially difficult when a death was unexpected, such as your brother's was.

Answer 7

You will never get over your brother's death. Since it has been 10 yrs you should to seek help from a professional to deal with the pain and be able to move on. With some help you can grow and learn to cope and maybe even help others in a support group or something..

Good luck to you and your family..dont ignore the feelings anymore--acknowledge them and deal with them..

Answer 8

hi. its time to move on considering that it has been a decade since your bro's death. condition yourself gradually that he is
already in a peaceful and beautiful situation up there far better
that we do down here. enjoy with wholesome friends, do some
art works, read some good books or engage in things that you really want to do. in a way, this will help you ease out on the memory of your brother. letting go of things/incidents that has already been, will help you a lot to move on.

Answer 9

I know it seems really hard but you have to move on.

Answer 10

yOU WILL NEVER Get over it!!!!!!! Just don't blame yourself...He is still checking on you from time to time...Do you smell him? Does he just pop in your head? Does his favorite song or movie comes on? He has left you great memories to live with...You will see him again! I lost my brother not too long ago and this is what I'm experiencing... Just laugh when these things happen even if it is inside...Just 3 days ago, I was talking about him and some things flew off my mantle by itself and we all was like laughing b/c we know that he's our angel...and we know that he is with us...