dirty fiancee?

Question

i drive my 8 yr old daughter to school in the morning and take some time out after before i have to take care of my 9 month old son...while i am out, my fiancee is home with our son and will not pick up after himself or the baby..he will feed the baby and leave the bottle on the sofa empty, leaves his wet towels on the floor from the shower in the bedroom, his clothes from the day before are scattered in the bedroom, he goes number 2 and repeatdly forgets to spray air freshner. I am like a broken record to him and today i came home and said why didnt you put the smoke detector in like i asked the night before, he said i was waiting til you came home cuz i was too busy with the baby. thats a cop out cuz all he is doing is watching his recorded shows... i take a shower and everything and take care of the baby while he is at work, then get my daughter at school. why cant he do little things i ask of him??? do you have the same problems with your kids and husband?

i feel wiped out cuz i do everything...i take care of his son 99.9 percent of the time and my 8 yr old daughter. why are men like this?

Answer 1

I guess I'm lucky.....my husband doesn't do things like that. I will admit though that he has a few bad habits that drive me crazy, but for the most part he does his share and then some around the house. I think for us, I started making sure he knew my expectations before we were married (while we were dating). I live by the belief that a person can't be held accountable for what I want and expect, if I don't tell him or if I let those things slide. I learned EARLY on in our relationship that I had to spell EVERYTHING out for him. Now after 9 years of marriage, we have only a few bad habits that are annoying to one another.

I am really not trying to be rude (I say this considering our past experiences with each other on here), but this question would have been better asked in the relationship section, unless you are asking how to parent your boyfriend?? LOL!! (I hope you can see that that was meant as a joke.:) )

Answer 2

Let me tell you a little story that happened at my house in the past month. My husband and I have raised 3 daughters to audulthood and all have moved out of the house. We have custody of a 3 year old grandson and a 2 year old granddaughter. They are siblings.

My middle daughter who is stable and raising her own family is expecting child number 3 in January. Well I was in the hospital a couple of weeks ago and had to have 2 back to back operations and although I am home I am far from being up and running at 100%. My middle daughter knows that I keep my house as clean as possible with 2 toddlers running around. Well since her father has been in charge of the house keepping and taking care of me, she has been having nightmares about the condition of my home. Last night she said she dreamed that cockroaches had taken over the entire house and my husband didn't care. The night before it was spiders.

I have been with my husband for 27 years and no he isn't the cleanest man in the world. He often tells me that he doesn't know how I do it. He does help some but it never seems like it is enough or else he does it wrong. But to me it is a small price to pay for the other things he provides me with. I stay at home and raise the 2 grandchildren because he makes enough to support us all. I neverr have to worry about how the bills will be paid because while we are not rich, we have enough to get by. There is always food on the table and we take the kids all over the place and enjoy them as much as we did our own.

What you have to do is look at both sides of the picture. Maybe he doesn't do what you want when you want him to. Maybe he should learn to pick up after himself. I have always taught my daughters to pick their battles. You can't win every battle so you have to choose those that are the most important to you. He leaves the empty bottle on the couch but is your son well looked after in your absence? Which is the most important to you?

Men are incapable of multi-tasking like a woman so that is just something that you are going to have to get used to. My husband cannot clean the livingroom while the children are awake. It's just a fact of life that I now understand. Weigh your pro's and con's and only you can decide if it is all worth it.

Answer 3

Honestly, and I'm not trying to brag here (okay, maybe just a little...), but I don't have that problem with my husband or daughter. He's very clean. The only way he will let something lay around in the floor is if he is dead tired, but it's always picked up the next morning. And a nine month old baby is pretty easy to entertain. Stick him in the playpen, give him a toy, and pick up for ten minutes. How hard is that?

Wait, this is a man we're talking about....

Answer 4

*BIG sigh of relief* And here I thought I was the only one with this problem.

I am a stay at home mother of 3 kids, an 8 year old boy, 18 month old boy and a 5 day old girl.

I ask my fiance to do very very simple things, And he says 'Okay, Give me a minute'...Yet that minute, never comes.

He won't pick up after himself, Which would help ME greatly...If he would only do that...And he doesn't feel he should have to do anything after working all day.

I don't have a problem cleaning && all that stuff, BUT- Even though he does work outside the home, I feel he should at least pick up after himself when he's home, If nothing else.

I feel like I'm trying to be a mother when I DEMAND him to do something, Or that I'm being a b&tch...But...I HAVE to yell to get things done..

As for why are men like this- The world may never know! :/

Best of luck to you..and all my sympathies!

Answer 5

Welcome to married, or almost married, life. this is just the way men are.

You need to have a sit down talk with him about this. Everyone pulls their weight, you have two children already and dont need a third, he's more than able to think for himself and realize that he can DO something around the house.

It sounds like hes young, or these are not his children, or he was an only child. lol.

it takes men a long time to grow out of boyhood and into manhood. 30 is generally the magical number when that process 'begins' to start.

You will forever be the broken record. make him a list of things to do each week, my husband does that for himself, but he asks me to throw things on there to help him remember.

Oh, and throw the tv out. or put it in storage at your parents or something.

All that said, you should atleast be glad that he can realize he needs to change his clothes, and feed the baby. A lot of men cant even think that far.

Answer 6

Jesus. Sounds like my boyfriend. No matter how much I ask him, yell at him, beg him or plead with him to put his toothbrush in the toothbrush holder so I don't have to wipe down the sink twice a day, he will not do it. Wet towels on the hanger instead of the floor? Forget about it. Rinse his dishes and put them in the DISH WASHER? Unheard of! He doesn't do ANYTHING around the house. Not only do I pick up and clean up after him, I have to clean house on top of it. He wants kids, but I feel like until he can act like an adult, there's no way I'm making a baby for him.

Answer 7

Pick your battles. If you're yelling at him for everything, he's just going to tune you out.

Start by A) telling him in a calm manner how problematic his habits are and B) have him work on one or two tasks. I.E., "You're a slob, and I don't think you will change over night. But please do two things for me: don't throw the bottle on the couch and hang up your towel." Leave it at that for a few months and see how things go.

Also explain that such habits will not be good for your child to see, and, ultimately, emulate. Finally, as juvenile as this sounds, complement him when he does even the simplest of tasks. Many men, especially those with Martha Stewart Moms, have simply never had to deal with any of this and it just doesn't resonate with them. It takes time.

Answer 8

well a lot of men are like that.But not all men are like that and you don't have to take it.You have to not just talk but show him you wont have it.Before long if you go on like this you will break down it wont be good for you or your kids.I think you should sit your fiance down and talk to him seriously.Share the responsibilities in the house equally.If this does not work then talk to some one that he listens to.If all this does not work then try leaving everything undone for like 3 days and see he's reaction pretend you too don't see any thing wrong with all the dirt.But make sure you keep your baby's bottles clean

Answer 9

Not all man are like that, hon. First off you should talk to him about how you feel. If that does not work then weight your options, How much do you lose with him or without him. And is with weights more than without then you should consider letting him go. Because you can do bad by yourself. It's hard when you have kids with someone because you have those bonding links. But man take advantage of that. If you don't put your foot down now, it will be like this forever.

Answer 10

Sweetie, I would think twice before I married this guy, because it will get NO better after you are married. Does he work?? I would move on, it I were you. No, I don't have the same problem with my husband and son. Their biggest problem is they do leave their clothes laying where they take them off.