Do you think we cant help who we fall in love with?

Question

They say the heart want what it wants...so does that mean we havent got any control over our feelings, just our actions? Or do you think letting go of someone you´ve loved just takes time? Time for the feelings to go away, so that you dont have to jump everytime you hear their name? And especially when you´ve found someone really wonderful that you want to share your life with...shouldnt the feelings for your old flame just automatically dissapear by then?

Hehe..im sorry for askin so many questions all at the same time, i guess i was just tryin to cover all the areas that puzzle me about this situation. :D

Thank you for taking time to answer my question, everyone. =)

Thank you everyone for your great answers, they´ve really helped me alot. =)) I appreciate them very much.

Answer 1

Love is different for every person and no one can understand exactly how someone else feels. I think you can help who you fall in love with by not projecting ideas about who that person might be or pretending they're something they're really not. We want someone to be perfect for us and overlook little things that could turn out to be big problems if we give them our heart. Time is the only thing that helps fade a heartache, in my opinion. Six months ago, I had a relationship that I thought was going to be forever, turn out to be a complete fake. I was in love - he was pretending he was in love so I'd pay the bills. It happens. Today, I realize I saw the warning signs and didn't pay attention, so it's my fault. I wanted to believe love was real, but this time it wasn't. I'm okay with that now. Don't try to figure out why you feel a certain way or criticize yourself for having those feelings - just try to be smart about who you give your heart to and always look out for #1!!!

Answer 2

Love is a funny thing, it happens when we least expect it, and has so much impact on our lives! Ok I'm ganna try and go in order here.... I think we have no control over out emotion, I mean we can try and ignore them, but that only makes things worse! And some people sometimes make themselves believe they like someone more than they really do, for a lot of reasons like, security, guilt etc. As for our actions, sometimes emotion takes over and those become almost impossible to control as well! Letting go of someone you love for whatever reason is never easy, but will have to happen sometime down the line, it will take time lots of time, and you may never get over it! But just know it's not the end, and there is always somebody out there! As for old feelings dieing, no... it's normal to be in love with someone new, and still love the other person too! Just don't go do anything stupid, just know the past is the past, and everything happens for a reason! You didn't work out the first time for a reason!
So for my final answer, do we have control over who we fall in love with? Absolutely not, fate is fate! So smile, and be lucky you are in love! :)

Answer 3

Yes the heart wants what it wants and fate has a funny way of working itself out. To lose love is a hard thing no matter how it happens or whose fault it might have been. Years later people jump when they hear certain peoples names, smell a scent that reminds them of another or the most common thought is that one song that will FOREVER remind you of that one special person. There is no getting over these things and in time it will subside but never really fully go away. They become fond memories and that helps build in your future relationships. Finding someone new does not make those special feelings for another flutter away automatically... somehow and for some reason they will become a part of you. For me personally those few special people that have come into my life are a part of who I am today and I would not want the feelings I had to disappear completely.

Answer 4

Oh my goodness. You are seriously running around in my head right now. I know exactly what you mean. I think that we can't really control who we fall in love with. But I do think that over time, we can regain control and let go of some people. My ex was/is a completely *** but deep down inside I still love love him a little. Even after all the lies and hurt that he caused me. I think it is gonna be a while before I am completely over him. But in the meantime, I have found someone who is really nice and good to me. But those old feelings are still there. I think it just takes time for them to leave. That doesn't mean you can't care about the new person though. I don't think love happens over night and so I don't think it goes away over night.

Answer 5

There is no control over the ones you fall in love with. Yes when you find the right Mr. Forever, the old flame does fade out into the past memory. I imagine the old familiar name can still every once in a while make you jump. But hopfully not as much as the one you have now.

Answer 6

I think there is someone for everyone but different situations can make it difficult. If you fall for someone who is already in a relationship you have to try and respect the person they are with by waiting for them. Lets be honest nobody would want someone to take their happiness away. And if you really love that person you will wait for them because if it's meant to be it's meant to be. I might be babbling on here and maybe this doesn't make sense, but it's hard to put your feelings into words especially when that feeling is love!

Answer 7

Actually it depends on the situation. If your old flame is not married and is considerate of you and also supportive (money wise, physically, mentally, and verbally), then you should tell the other person and try to resolve your feelings w/the old flame. B/c you need to be true to yourself and the other person in your life now to move on and not have regrets. If your old flame is married, then wish him happiness and it will take some time. You will achieve true happiness from letting go.

Answer 8

You may not be able to control after you are in love but you can certainly control who you fall in love with to a certain degree. If red flags go up....RUN before it is too late. If your gut is telling you something is wrong.....DON'T ignore it. Address it before it is too late.

If you are now with someone else worthy of your love, explore it. Cease all communication with your past love. Time does heal all wounds. This does not mean you will stop loving the other person immediately or stop thinking of them but do try to move on. The pain will lessen over time. You deserve happiness. I speak from experience.

Answer 9

First of all, the love you're talking about is a selfish love... something that is possessive, that wants to own.. Love is selflessness, also known as working for another person's happiness, without regard to your own... This is real love... this is a lasting love... Its proven that cellular attraction to a person fades after 3 years, no joke... Be selfless, work for others' happiness, and don't put yourself as #1 before the rest of society... I quote I like from a monk: "The doors of my house will always be open to you, no matter what." It means a lot, just this simple saying...

Answer 10

I know what you mean.... I have this guy that I used to date and I really loved him.... Now I have this wonderful amazing guy that I want to be with forever..... The first guy comes around because they share friends...... I still (after a year) get a weird feeling in my stomach when the first one comes.... I think it just takes time to go away.... and it depends on how much the old one ment to you. I hope this helps you.