Do you think humiliation is a valid form of punishment?

Question

I am a mom of five, I come from a large family myself and I was always taught respect and good manners at home. Lately I notice there are a lot of disrespectful and spoilt children around,they just seem to have everything and appreciate nothing.
I am always terrified my children will turn out that way too and as a result I often come down hard on them.
My oldest child is thirteen and my youngest is one year old which leads to a hectic household and sometimes bad manners are not corrected.
I thought my oldest boy was at the age where he could be treated like an adult but on a trip to the mall last week he threw a tantrum and acted like a child. I decided to treat him like a baby to teach him a lesson and treated him like my 1yr old for a day,he wore a diaper,was spoon fed his meals and was put down for a nap in the middle of the day. He was humiliated and has been very respectful since but do you think this is too drastic and weird a punishment. My husband does,advise please!!!

This was only done in the privacy of my own home. He is actually very well looked after and is asked to do very little in the house as I we have a house keeper four days/week. I appreciate that he is still a child but I feel that grounding him and taking away toys etc. is over done, I wanted to try something new and it seems to have worked. We generally have a very good relationship and I dont think that he resents me, he know the rules for him are the same as his younger siblings, his twelve year old sister would have received the same punishment and he knows that.
I may have taken it too far but I certainly do not abuse my shildren whom i think the world of.
Thanks for your advice nonettheless I will not go so far next time.

Answer 1

I agree with most the people here.

Good for you for punishing your child! There is NOTHING worst than a child that has never been punished.

Now, here is what I think you did wrong. The dipper was a little too much. Spoon feeding…its allowable. The nap…great!

I also agree that if punishment continues like this, a child MAY end up needing counseling. So proceed with CAUTION!

Now that you punished your son like that, you say he acts his age, and is respectful! Awesome! It worked! Next time he acts like a little child, warn him…Tell him if he wants to act like a little child, he WILL be treated like such. I am sure that will catch his attention, and he will act his age and be respectful. If not, warn him once more…and if he still ignores your warning, go in, and punish him just like you said you would. Thus he can’t say you were unfair, and also, next time, he will think twice before he acts up.

And for those that say this punishment was unfair, and WILL cause damage to the kid…I don’t think so. It wasn’t like the boy did something that was out of his control…(wetting the bed for example is something a child can’t help. And if a child is punished harshly for something they couldn’t help, then hey will resent, and be messed up later on) Your son CHOOSE to act like a little child. Your punishment will not harm him unless you over do it.

And also…for those that say children resent their parents because they punished them…WELL DUH! The child got caught! Of course the child will be angry at the parent! Who likes to be punished? Parents aren’t meant to be the child’s best friend; the parent is there to make a human being…and to teach this little child respect, manors and a love for success and life. They are not there to allow the child to run-a-muck and do as they please. Parents need to step up more, and NOT fear what society will think of them. (What happened to the days where spanking was ok? Kids back then KNEW respect and manors) ((YES! I know spanking CAN be over done…but that is rarer than you think!))

So, back to the main topic, I just want to say, what you did was correct, minus the diaper. Its not abuse, you don’t so this on a regular basis. You did this once, showing him that if he wants to act like a two year old, he will be treated as such!

Answer 2

I think the diaper and the spoon feeding was a little much. There is no wonder he is acting that way towards you. Can you think about being the oldest child of 5 and having all your brothers & sisters seeing this. Don't to mention what you are doing to his self-esteem. There are many other ways you could punish him. You say he acted like a child. Well, he is a only 13. Sounds like you want him to act more like an adult for your benefit. Let him act like a kid...but don't treat him like a baby!

Answer 3

I have to go with your husband on this one. Sounds like you went over the edge. He is still a child. Could be that your oldest just needed to vent out a little, just chose the wrong place and way to do it. Do you ask him to help with the other kids very much. If so, be careful and don't make him a live-in babysitter. He deserves to be able to grow up a kid as much as anyone else. The fact that there is such a large age difference isn't his fault. To humilate him like you did hurts his standing with his siblings, and it's something that he may get teased about years from now by them.

Answer 4

Well, it may have worked, but it certainly was a little drastic. I like the concept, but not the diaper and spoon feeding. Now in hindsight you might consider other options. Nap? not bad. Think of other things your one year old does that's less humiliating to your 13 year old.

Answer 5

humiliation is a method of punishment but if u do it in a severe way or in a way that can make ur child resent u or feel like ur being unfair it becomes just a case of u being too hard on him.as for humiliation pick the punishment with caution....

Answer 6

typically punishment needs to be INSTANT.. waiting to get home to put the diaper on isnt really teaching him much.. at 13 he isnt an adult so shouldnt be treated like one...however he shoudnt be treated like a baby.. in many cases where people ahve large families the oldest is jealous of the youngest so is acting out for attention..
next time he throws a tantrum in public - tell him "ok you want to behave like that we are leaving" and walk away from him...
problem is parents are so busy with the younger kids that they dont have time to reward good behavior in older kids so the older kid must resort to bad behavior to get attention...

Answer 7

I think it hinges on child abuse. I wet the bed when I was in the 5-7 age range, my Mom made me wear a diaper and sit on the porch for the neighbor kids to see. I am 43 y/o and it still pisses me off to think about it. Not to mention that i continued wetting the bed until I was 16 y/o and it was discovered that a true medical problem existed. Humiliation........were you humiliated when he acted up at the mall? How did it feel? Answer you own question.

Answer 8

I am glad to see there are parents out there not afraid to disclipline their kids. My friend's son used to pee on the floor when he got mad. He did this right up to age 6. She told him if he peed on the floor agin, he would wear a diaper TO SCHOOL. He never did it again. He is now a well adjusted, helpful, pleasant high schooler on the honor roll.

Answer 9

As a Mother of two adult sons, NO I do not think humilation is a valid form of punishment, it is degrading and embarassing. I would strongly suggest counseling or parenting classes to any parent who punishes a child in this manner.

No one likes to be humilated, its just not right.

Answer 10

i think the diaper thing went to far, but it looks like he got the idea to act his age and to behave. open humiliation can cause permanent mental disturbances so i would be careful how far you go with that.