Bad situation for the kids????What can i do?

Question

Hi i am 24 and engaged to my man of 3 1/2 years and happy as can be i feel so in love with him. Problems though are arrising my ex. husband who was my highschool sweet heart that i married my second year of college, marriage only lasted 6 months but we concieved a son during that time has come back. He harrassing me to let him see his son whom he has never met and never paid child support for.My future hubby 30 has an ex. wife whom he has a son with who is a year older than mine. She completly hates me and has told her son that i am a whore!She has also said to her son in my presence that his daddy is a white mother f*cker who just likes to f*ck women of color and has no respect for them.A stupid comment because he married her even though she is balck and going to marry me i am spanish.What can i do?her son visits and repeats these comments?Her son also told his school that i hit him! when i have never done anything to him!

I feel very stressed out about everything and just found out i am pregnant again.

Answer 1

First of all talk to your husband about all of these. Show him your question. Talk to some good friends of yours and maybe a therapist with your husband's son and you could help create a better communication. Those sons need to learn that some people say mean things because they are unhappy but they don't have to be unhappy about it and repeat it to hurt people. Maybe your husband's son is repeating it only to inform you because he trusts you also... Be sure to make time for the four of you to have activities together to create a good bond. Concerning your ex, ask your son how he'd feel about seeing his real daddy. Many children try to find their real parents once they're teens but your son can create a bond now! Once again, talk to your husband and then to the boys, they are old enough to give their opinion and should feel happy to being asked what they think.

Answer 2

I can feel your pain.. I too am in a relationship where there is an X-wife from HELL... Let me just tell you from some experience.. No matter how you act or what you say you will be a B--- i the eyes of the child, until he gets older and starts seeing your not such a bad person after all.. Then the questions start coming out about why mom thinks this of you and why she says that about you.. Just be the adult in the relationship and he will eventually see you in a different light and things will hopefully change there for you.. Now your son, I believe he has a right to know his real dad, regardless of the money issue... That's blood your talking about and nothing is thicker. Get you a lawyer and sue the x for child support- they can make him pay back pay for the years he has not paid you anything.. But every child deserves the chance to know where he came from and let him decide if he wants the relationship to work and last. If you keep telling him NO that will make the child want to be with his real dad even more. Remember we always want most what we can't have.. You be the bigger person in all of your situations and your son's will have a stronger respect for you in the long run... Good Luck..

Answer 3

Wow Jerry Springer for the win. All either ex-spouse is doing is damaging the children, and quite frankly such behavior is child abuse of an emotional nature. The first rule that needs to be laid down is any hateful or hurtful comments are not allowed in the home. "If you can't say something nice, don't say anything at all." and punishments when this rule is broken. The lot of you all need to be mature adults. You are the grown ups. The children are learning from YOUR examples. That means the kids are learning to be hateful, hurtful and prejudiced. It has to stop. I strongly recommend you get into premarital counselling with your husband-to-be, you two are going to have to find ways to address the problems with both ex-spouces. Please, do both of your children a favor, and if this behavior cannot stop, do not continue in the relationship. You're poisioning yourselves and your children.

Answer 4

Your husband to be needs to file for custoday of this child. The mother, filling this childs head with that garbage is a mental abuse . You , your fiance and this child need to seek counciling of some sort before too much damage is done to all.

Your ex should be allowed to see his son..also he will have to pay all back child support...report him as a dead beat dad. He might not even want to see your son once he knows he has to pay. But if he pays and shows love to your son...by all means let the two of them see each other.

Contact your states' social service dept. for info

Answer 5

HI!!! I HAVE AN 18 YEAR OLD STEP SON AND HAVE HAD HIM SINCE HE WAS 5...IT WAS HARD AT FIRST BUT WE MANAGED.. THE EX'S ARE ALWAYS GONNA BE THERE IF THERE ARE KIDS INVOLVED. IF YOUR EX WANTS TO SEE YOUR SON THEN HE MIGHT WANNA TAKE YOU TO COURT FOR VISITATIONS AND AT THE SAME TIME PAY SUPPORT..WHEN I MARRIED MY STEP SON'S FATHER THEY TOLD ME THAT BECAUSE I TOOK OVER THE RESPONSIBILITY OF CARING FOR HIM AS A MOTHER. SHE DID NOT HAVE TO PAY SUPPORT BECAUSE SHE IS ON SOME KIND OF GOVERMENT PENSION AND DID NOT HAVE TO PAY..GET THIS ONE!!!!!!!!! IF HUSBAND AND I EVER BREAK UP I WOULD HAVE TO PAY SUPPORT FOR THIS CHILD TILL HE TURNED 18..THEY CAN ALWAYS TELL IF A CHILD IS BEING ABUSED BY HIS REPORT CARD OR IF THERE ARE ANY CHANGES IN THE HOUSEHOLD. AND FOR HIS EX... PUT A RESTRAINING ORDER ON THE ***** BECASUE SHE HAS NO RIGHT TALKING ABOUT YOU OR IN YOUR HOUSE. DROP THE CHILD OFF AND LEAVE..GOOD LUCK!!!!!!!!!!

Answer 6

well thats a tough one and all I can say is if it were me in your shoes first I would deal with your x. you say he has never paid child support. was you awarded custody of your child in the divorce or was it not born yet? was he ordered to pay child support and has not done so? these are a few factors that would be helpful. If none of those apply tell him to take you to court. and even if they do apply I would still tell him to take you to court because hes not going to have any evidence showing hes paid. does your child know the father? and how old is the child? If it is old enough you could ask the child if they wanted to visit with him. His x wife, another tough one. have you tried talking to her? did their marrage end in bad terms? I wouldn't put up with the child saying bad things to or about you especailly in your own house. How old is the child? Tell your soon to be husband to talk to the wife and to tell her that its not appropriate to be telling the child these things and that If she continues that he will take her to court for custody. You may be able to talk to her also and tell her how it makes you feel. most importantly you need to take care of yourself and children. good luck

Answer 7

Well your ex should file for custody, wasn't that worked out in the divorce?

You can't do anything about what the kid's mom tells him, just treat him well and he will know you are a good person.

Answer 8

now and again there are undesirable circumstances that you want to stroll faraway from, and understand it is going to be the right project that you'll do, yet in doing so will be adverse to your self or a loved one... in the different case if we may be able to ward off hassle, that's ideal to attain this...

Answer 9

well the child is in a bad situation.both of them are.well you and your boy friend should go to court.