Advice, thoughts, pros, cons on dating with 20 yr difference?

Question

The girl (23) is very mature for her age, a college grad, has a good job... has been through alot in life... always lived w/father so is def not seeking a parent, she wants to have a family one day and a loving man.
The guy (43) chose the career path after the military in hopes he'd find a wife somewhere along the way... women he'd been with cheated.. he took time to figure himself out and what he wanted and focused on work. now owns a house and has a good stable job and wants a family.
they both agree on many things, life, children, relationships, love, have some of the same friends... The girl is friends with his mother and two brothers, helped move him into his home and set up/organize it. There is a flirtation between them nothing more than friendship... the girl wants to wait till marriage or engagement for sex and the guy knows this... could this become a good relationship/marriage?

Answer 1

I think its great if they are in LOVE then they need to go for it what is age anyway but a number? Though they need to work everything out ahead of time such as having a family if the y both want that and all.

Answer 2

PROS: The both know what they want in life, most guys our age nowadays still don't have their priorities on track and and still don't know what they want out of life. There is also the wisdom the guy has, like you said he's been through alot so with that said he has learned how he would like to be treated so he will most likely treat her with the respect he wants, he owns his own house and a good stable job, the guy is well off.

CONS: 20 years is a big age difference, in his situation being 43 years old he might not want to go out and have fun as much as your friend. She is still 23 years old, she is young! and what she needs right now is to enjoy her youth and not have a man 20 years her senior keep her locked down.

Basically it all depends on her heart, if she knows that she will love him and that he would make her happy, then age really doesn't matter. But if it's just a flirtation and nothing more, i suggest to keep it as friends.

Answer 3

It sounds like you have the makings of a great relationship, maybe you an become a little more flirty, possibly trying to get touchy with him. I do not see a problem with the age thing, its only a number. And besides, he is not 85 y/o. As long as you are not out after his money and thru love is in the air, than what you have could be really amazing. Waiting for sex, if he is a gentleman that will be a great thing, if he isn't, he will look elsewhere in the meantime.

Answer 4

I believe it could work well. I was in a relationship with a man who was 20 years my senior, and both of us agreed that we did not feel the difference in age because it was a strong relationship. We were similar in personality and feelings, but had some different interests and some similar. It went very smoothly. You both sound like mature people, the relationship as it stands seems to be on a good foundation. I wish you well, should you decide to pursue it further.

Answer 5

She has a vowed before God to be totally His!!!Here's a poem which has been a refuge:
The only way to understand ourselves is by what God is and by what He does for us.
You are who you are for a reason
You're part of an intricate plan.
You're precious and perfect,unique design,
Called God's special woman or man.

You look you look for a reason.
Our God made no mistake
He knit you together within the womb,
You're just what he wanted to make.

The parents you had were the once He chose,
And no matter how you may feel,
They were custom designed with God's plan in mind,
And they bear the Master's seal.

No, the trauma you faced was not easy,
And God wept that it hurt you so:
But it was allowed to shape your heart
So that in His likeness you'd grow.

You are who you are for a reason.
You've been formed by the Master's rod.
You are who you are,
Because there is GOD!!!!

He is my creator and I am accountable to Him and Him alone.I accept the way life treats me.Try to live it with his Grace.That is the way my LIFE is arranged.I do nothing outside His will.

Answer 6

This could be a good fit. Sometimes the age difference ends up being somewhat of a blessing to both the guy and the girl. It would be good to have children right away though--you want the kids to be able to relate to their "old man" if you know what I mean.

I hope it works out!

Answer 7

Anything is possible. Just remember that after the new wears off you are going to be living in a 20 year time lapse with very different interests and there is no way to avoid that one. There is much life experience for you and for him that are very different and make a difference in the way you view your worlds.
Just be aware of that and think it through before you act. Remember too that in 7 to 10 more years his sexual tendencies will be hugely different to yours because our bodies change and wants change as we age.

Answer 8

It may....it may not. No-one could give you promises about how your future with this Guy could go.

I'm 50 & my Husband of 5 years (been together 7) is 26
I don't look anywhere near 50 & don't act it either. To be honest; I'm not sure what 50 yr olds should act like, I'm responsible when I need to be.....I've brought up 5 Children, my youngest Son (16) is at college studying media & critical thinking...hoping to take Law next year, My 19 yr old Son is training to be a firefighter.
My 2 eldest Children are older than my Husband,
It was tough at first with my Kids accepting him, but now? they all have a hell of a lot of respect for the Guy that everyone said was far too young for me.
I keep totally up to date with the latest music, modern clothes, watch my diet & workout 3 times a week, I also work out with weights, not, I may add to keep my Guy happy, that's me anyway. I have as much energy as I did when I was 25 & have no intention of slowing down.

We are as happy today (more actually) as we were when we first got married 5 yrs ago.
I think lots of relationships with an age difference have a good rate of success. One of the biggest problems a couple like that may face are the attitudes of other people that just have to give their tuppence worth instead of getting on with their own lives.
Couples of similar or same ages often don't survive together anyway, it doesn't just happen to age gap couples.
I think (certainly in our case) that whatever the ages of each partner in a relationship, they need to have common things that help to bind them together, I know I couldn't handle being with a Guy that was like an "old fart" But neither could I see myself with a "boy racer" I've always felt the same way.
My Husband is very mature for his age & I'm very young for mine, so we meet somewhere in the middle.

I have never made my Husband feel as though he were some silly little Boy...I have always treated him as equal, afterall, that's what he is.
We don't actually notice any age gap within our relationship.
My ex-husband was 11 yrs older than me & to be honest, he may as well have been 50 yrs older. He constantly refered to "knowing more" than me because he was "older"
It's people that make relationships...not ages
Some are bothered by an age difference, but it doesn't seem to be something that will put you off,

So! If you feel you want to make a go of things with this Guy, then date him & see how things progress, you may feel he isn't for you after all, you may find it's a match made in heaven.
Remember this though! Every relationship has it's ups & downs, it's how you cope with these events within your relationship that determines the rate of success, it also takes 2 to make it work properly. What wouldn't work for one may be ideal for another. Don't rush into anything & don't be pushed either.
Be happy & lots of luck.

Answer 9

Its all a relative thing. There are advantages and disadvantages of dating and eventually marrying a man 20 years older than you. If she should decide to go with the option of being with him, she should keep in mind and be ready to stand for your decision all through, regardless of the comments that people make (because believe me, they will talk). Make sure that its a decision that you'll be able to be happy with in 20 years time. Secondly, remember that the ageing process will be different for her and him. He's going to grow old long before she does. If she plans to have children together with him, she will be more agile than him with them because (especially if she decides to space them apart), because the more time she takes in having children, the older he'll be.On the other hand, since he's a lot older, he's wiser & he's already experienced most things that you'll go through together. He's more likely to be less petty & less immature than younger men. He's also a lot more likely to be more patient and gentle with her than he'd be if he was younger. So if she loves him very much and she knows that she won't be attracted to a younger man when he starts looking old, go for it because older men can be very charming, supportive and lovable. Oh and by the way, I respect her for her decision to wait to have sex

Answer 10

It sounds like a good relationship and it sounds as if you both have the same priorities which could be a problem with the age difference. If the relationship is open to communication then talk about it.