I am a divorced father with a 12 year old daughter. my fiance demands that she be #1 I say kids come first?

Question

I think that in a nuclear family maybe that's right, but in a blended family the children should come first.( who else is really going to look out for them ).her kids are grown and moved out. she flat out demands that she be #1. I suggested #1a and #1B but not good enough. Now I received an ultimatum, make a choice, my daughter or her. Not a very hard choice. Any helpful suggestions ?

Answer 1

Your daughter comes 1st and any women that demands that's she is to be #1 should be shot or at the very least kicked to the curb.Look man there are alot of good women out there that are willing to be 2nd to your own flesh and blood.OMG just reading that she's made this demand of you makes me want to climb through the computer and punch her.Tell this women to grow the hell up and you need to find yourself a real women who's going to help you put your kid first.

Answer 2

I wish my ex would be like you. I agree totally what you have posted. In a nuclear family the wife has to be no. 1 as the best thing a father can do for his children is to love their mother. Plus both of you have the same interest at heat - the kids.

In a blended family, the focus and interest isn't always the same. I'm not saying that all step-parents are like your gf. So your 1st resposibility is to your kids and I am glad you obviously know that. Your gf can be no.1 once your girl turns 18 or 21 (depending on which culture you're from) and she is independent.

Well done man!

Answer 3

I have to agree with everyone else. Your daughter should certainly be number ONE. Hats off to you for being such a thoughtful, caring dad who only wants what's best for his daughter as it should be ofcourse. I am sure that if the shoe was on the other foot, your fiance would put her chidren first so why should it be any different for you. I honestly think she is acting like a spoilt, jealous brat who justs wants everything her way. Good on you for standing your ground with her. You have certainly made the right decision and if she can't accept that then it is her lose. You sound like a great person but above all a wonderful, loving dad. Keep up the good work.

Answer 4

Don't fall into that "was once a well child" -- so as to simply motive you and her extra agony. She's nonetheless a well child!! (no conduct must be associated with a little one precious of affection -- love must be unconditional) Like the opposite poster stated -- it is a segment with a LOT of hormone imbalances!! It's just like the "horrible twos" on steroids lol however nonetheless a segment. The great factor is, it is usually a time moms and dads and youngsters can develop relatively nearly one an extra. It's additionally a time she'll begin to fairly end up an unbiased character and identify her character. Teens are, by means of nature, very self-based (they ought to be, their our bodies are going haywire and their complete international revolves across the query "Who am I?"). At the equal time, they are able to even be tremendously sympathetic (that is why they cross out and shop the sector/ shop the earth/ shop the pink-noticed tuna or some thing) -- it is only a topic of them finding out and getting optimistic suggestions for being compassionate. Just preserve listening and preserve speakme!! Just in view that she's now not announcing whatever or rolling her eyes doesn't suggest she's now not listening to you -- teenagers absorb the sector, she's looking you and your reactions like a hawk!! (Again, like a 2-12 months historic she's attempting to determine how the sector works -- even supposing she's feeling beautiful scientific approximately the complete factor) Talk to her!! Tell her "Hey, I used to be unmarried and wasn't relatively definite I desired an instantaneous loved ones. And yeah, doing condo preserve chores is not any picnic. BUT, IT'S WORTH IT" Just preserve using dwelling that the sacrifices and problem of being social/ of residing in a loved ones is valued at it. And whilst you uncover your self within the core of a tantrum, except she's in hazard -- simply chunk your tongue and bide it slow till she's calm. Then say what is for your brain and permit it drop. Remember, 70% of verbal exchange moms and dads have with their kids at the present time is not anything however subject -- that is a terrible statistic. Much higher to easily permit stuff slide and feature a laugh in combination as a loved ones.

Answer 5

Your children are blessings from Heaven. The fiance is a bonus. Kids first, they are family, from your soul and spirit and body. Reconsider this life commitment. The fiance, once a wife, will not change. Tensions will mount. And, more important.....what does that say about how she will be in the future. Kids know more than we give them credit for knowing. In addition, there will be two women. One being in the teen yrs. A challenging but fun time. Your daughter should always be number one. The lady who is meant to be your life mate will not create this issue.

Answer 6

Hey Dad you are right on the Money! Not a hard choice..DUMP THE FIANCE fast! I can only imagine how she must have treated her own kids with that kind of mentality..no wonder their gone. (lol) Your daughter needs you, your support, your love, kindness, understanding, discipline and your fatherly friendship..Do the right thing and set back watch that girl make you proud....I know it's tuff making decisions like this especially when YOUR OWN HEART is involved I am sure you like this woman..But common sense prevails..There are alot of good women out their that would jump at the chance to have a Man of your caliber or what you seems to be "a caring, dependable person" So don't be to quick to jump on this one..Hate to see you kick yourself in the you know where later on..Good Luck to you (from another dad same boat)

Answer 7

You have to choose your child without question.
If the woman is so rude and crude and disrespectful of you and your daughter, then THE WOMAN HAS TO GO!!
It's stupid to even 'think' that a parent would put a child in second place.
I used to date a man with three kids, and I never even 'thought' about telling him to put me first or else. And if he'd have done it on his own, I'd have corrected him quickly.
There are a few occasions where she should come first, like in the bedroom, sorry no pun intended on that one. And you should make sure she's getting what she wants and needs as well, but to come first in all fields... I don't think so.

Answer 8

I think perhaps the source of the problem is not her or your daughter, but you.

Did you really ask this woman to marry you? What in the world for? You don't have the luxury to be bonded for life to a woman who can't accept that you have a previous commitment to your daughter and that until she's of age, she must come first.

Besides, in a family, NO ONE comes first, you all are supposed to come together.

Answer 9

I think she is being childish! I think you would be doing the right thing to put your daughter first. I am a mother of two and i will never put my children on the back burner for anyone! You know when there is no-one else there for you, Your daughter will be there! The best of luck to you.

Answer 10

do you really need someone elses advice to this question? unless you want your child to turn out as selfish as your fiance then by all means you might as well kick your daughter right in her face because that is exactly what she would feel if you did. At 12 years old, a young woman like your daughter needs to feel a parents love and guidance so they dont turn out like your fiance. as a father to a beautiful girl i want to kick you in your face for asking a dumb question like this, no one can ever be more important than my child, as for your fiance she better be gorgeous with diamonds down there for you to be so ignorant