I am 39, with a lover who is 21, is that too much of an age difference?

Question

Most think i am 10 younger, my lover seems about years older than he is, I 39, he is 21, is that too much of an age difference. He has an 8 year old son, i have a 20 year old, 18 year old, and a 3 year old. Do we have a chance?

Answer 1

Ageless Love...
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He's 52 amd she is 31 or, conversely, she is 52 and he is 31.
The general assumption is that either some younger gal is goldigging a wealthy older guy or a younger man is finally fulfilling his need for the mother whom he never had.
Mary Tyler Moore, Elizabeth Taylor, Susan Sarandon, Goldie Hawn and Roseanne have a lot more in common than fame. They all chose younger men as their love interests. The Los Angeles Times reported in 1995 that 23.5% of American women married younger men. For women age 35-44, the figure was 41%. It may not be a trend yet, but it's happening more and more.
The term "cradle robbing" has been applied to those who seek younger lovers. Although, it is true that there are those who do so for the wrong reasons, the fact of the matter is that there are many who truly fall in love with those who are much younger or older than themselves.
As in all types of primary relationships, there are those whose sencerity and motivations are questionable. However, it would be wrong for anyone to conclude that any relationships spanning as much as an entire generation (20 years) exist because at least one of the individuals has monetary designs or some kind of a psychological problem. Could it be that younger people actually do fall very much in love with those who are considerably
older?
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It can happen to those who would never think it possible. Although, it is a statistical fact that most of us will develop a primary relationship with someone who is within three years of our own age, there are those who will go far beyond that norm. To cast some kind of negative judgement on those who relate in this way is a mistake. In fact, such relationships can be very workable and fulfilling when both truly care about each other.
On the other hand, the two examples above are deserving of a little more consideration.
There are, in fact, older people who have absolutely no qualms about having a younger person as a lover even if it involves realizing that part of the attraction has to do with their being finanancially well off. This writer recalls a very wealthy older gentleman who took pride in the fact that his material accomplishments included being able to maintain an extremely good looking wife who was thirty years his junior. In fact, they understood each other very well in this regard. It was an accepted part of their relationship and neither was making any attempt to fool the other, or anyone else. This might not be the kind of relationship that most of us would ever want to experience. The point to be made here is that there are couples who are very happy with this kind of arrangement. He enjoys being able to be intimate with a beautiful young woman and she feels more than secure as a result of his income. It's their life and it works for both of them.
Regarding the second illustration, one has to consider the possibility that there are indeed those who truly look for the mother/father aspect in a primary relationship. Those who feel short-changed in this way might seek out an older partner to fulfill that need. Should the older partner be able to both recognize the need and also be willing to meet it, then who are we to say that there is something wrong with this type of relationship? Different people have varying needs.
Age difference is just another one of the many types of committed relationships that make up the fabric of our society. They not only exist, but those involved in them would have it no other way. Love even has the ability to cross the bounderies of ageless time.

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The Allure of Older Women...
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Young men sometimes find older women more interesting than those who are younger. All too often, a young men perceive women their age to be too engrossed in themselves. By contrast, a maturer woman of experience understands this, and knows how to make a man feel satisfied and at home with himself. She mingles the maternal instinct with her knowledge of human nature, and flavors it all with that touch of flattery so agreeable to the masculine taste.
Of course, this can also be said of older men in relationships with younger women. However, the point of this article is to briefly explain why the more unthinkable combination is indeed understandable.
The mature woman knows when to make a man talk and when to talk to him. She studies his weaknesses and avoids aggravating them. Few young girls could or would take so much pains to please. But the older woman does it in a manner so tactful and natural. He loves it.
There are a number of renowned cases of this kind
on record which have resulted in eminently happy marriages, but there is always the future to consider. The man of twenty- eight may easily find the woman of thirty-five fascinating, but unless she is expert in the art of keeping the years at bay in heart and face, he may find her no longer to his taste at forty-five. However, men tend to grow older, both in looks and in mind, much sooner than do women. Conversely, women know how to keep themselves well preserved in appearance. One need not look to far to find maturer women who have all the powers of youthful enjoyment which their children possess as contrasted to men of those same years who have become more or less blasé.
This fact lessens the danger that a disparity of years in marriage is to the woman's disadvantage. At the same time, the tendency of men past middle life to admire very young women has to be taken into consideration. The man who at thirty has married a woman of forty may very well, at fifty, lose his head over a girl of eighteen. A woman needs to think twice before she marries any man many years her junior.
Man divided the years into 365 days, but he did not hinder some women from being younger at forty than others are at twenty, and some men from being older at twenty than some women at fifty.

Answer 2

If he has a 8 yrs old kid, you mean he got married at 12 yrs of age (or made his partner conceive when he was 12). He seems to be a great testosterone-driven person which possibly is the reason for u to get attracted to him. Think of ur 20 years old son; don't u find any similarities?

Answer 3

You are making excuses when you describe how young, and how old, you both seem. You know the age difference is too much. I bet your children are appalled and maybe even embarrassed. I wonder how you ever got into such a situation. Was he a friend of your 20 year old daughter? He should be dating her, not you. Find someone closer to your age.

Answer 4

Older men go out with younger women so why should it be any different the other way round. You both have children and as long as you have things in common then i can not see why it wont work. Its the insecurites of the age gap that will ruin the relationship nothing else. So dont be insecure enjoy what you have and be happy.
good luck

Answer 5

there are various study exhibiting that particular parts of the mind are nevertheless in progression once you're eighteen and nineteen. in case you should like the hyperlink for a number of those i ought to attempt to locate them for you. maximum human beings of your argument should be fairly obtrusive. maximum human beings of eighteen 12 months olds are literally not mature adequate to make human being judgements. that is coming from an eighteen 12 months previous who hasalreadyd been in college for 2 years. those "adults" drink, smoke, connect the protection stress(some without consulting their mom and father), party, and so on... the quantity of faculty scholars who smoke/ drink in many circumstances is outstanding. There can be a strategies a lot less those who're addicted to cigarettes if the smoking age replaced into twenty one. All you should do is look outdoors at how eighteen/nineteen 12 months olds react and also you'll use that as an situation lol.

Answer 6

Of course you have a chance. At 21, does he know what he wants from his life? And does that fit with where you see your life going? This is a more pertinent subject than age difference.

Answer 7

It will definitely look odd when you grow older.The difference will be pronounced and people may think of you as son and mother.
Unless the love is very deep, he will have regrets in later years of life.Why don't you just stay as friends without expecting too much from this relationship?

Answer 8

i think you dating a 21 year old is about sex and nothing more. Why would you have anything else in common with someone half your age? it is sad that you did not list genders on your children=your daughter? who is 20 could date him.

Answer 9

It depends whether you two are seeking to meet the needs of your body or your heart if it is the latter you have more than just a chance.

Answer 10

Just you proofe . Yes you must do somthing difference from others . OR age for only the musels , but thinking NO AGE burdens

Answer 11

no love is love only. i think age is not important in love if u feel u will be happy with him then go ahead, marry him no problem. then be happy. my best wishes for ur marriage. pls send me mail if u get marry. u can also mail me as a friend. thank you for reading my answer. take care. bye.