What the you-know-what is WRONG with me????

Question

First off, I ask this question all the time.
I'm 20 in college and my whole life I've had trouble with being social. I'm just no good at it. I'm awkward in conversation, have no real friends and have never been on a date, ever. Every time a girl pays basically any attention to me, I always somehow get totally fixated on her, and when I'm too shy to do anything about it I get sad. Anyone else have these "issues?" What'd you do about it? Any advice?

Answer 1

Ok. (taking a deep breath) Let me try to help. This is a bit challenging.

The first thing I recommend is your sitting down and figuring out just what is causing you so much inner discomfort. Are you afraid to open up? Are you too "hungry" for a woman? Write down your thoughts, your dreams and your fantasies about being with others. Seeing who you are - on paper - helps your mind to sort things out.

Next - take a look at your "shyness." Being shy only means that you are uncomfortable being open with/around others. WHY? Do you fear rejection? Well, based on what you wrote, women seem attracted to you so, allow them to get to KNOW you.

Hint: (Some women like being around less aggressive guys - smile)

WHO do you admire? WHO is your hero (or fantasy girl)? THAT may also be why you feel you are missing the mark. Don't gauge yourself based on THEIR characteristics; we ALL have perfect counterparts. The trick is in finding people with similar interests and goals and the only way THAT will happen is by being YOURSELF.

Don't measure yourself against who you feel is the "perfect man" or the "right girl." Just relax, laugh, and enjoy your contacts.

Finally, put YOURSELF in control. Hey - YOU are the master of your own life and destiny; so MAKE THINGS HAPPEN for YOU!

Select; never settle - regardless of that being a friend or a lover... Just know that there are people out there looking for YOU (the real you) just as YOU have needs for their company.

Be real. Be YOU. The rest will flow through.

Thanks for writing, my friend & Good Luck to you!

Answer 2

I did sorta but I've gotten better because I realized if I'm not going to be myself then who is? No one can be you better than you, so you might as well be very happy in your own shoes. Once you let yourself loosin up, you and the people around you will discover wonders! Because beneath all your fog you are a great person that probably just cares too much about other peoples feelings, and sometimes ignore your own. Start realizing that EVERYONE has quirks, some you may be like, how? And our quirks are what make us who we are, and if someone doesn't know the real you,how can they like you for you? You will get through this, one day it will hit you that you're a lot more better to yourself and your ready for people to meet the "real you", not the guy thats polite but just hopes no one will realize how shy he is.

Answer 3

i used to be like this too. i was THE most awkward person at my school. i would never ask anybody to any dances. i couldn't even be left alone with anybody, even a guy, without getting awkward.
... until last year. i decided that life was too short and i needed to have fun

now Im a guy that'll do anything. really. anything. (well except stupid stuff like drugs or whatever) i made tons of new friends and what not

Just have the mentality of "who cares what others think about me" and also think about how short life is.
for the first few months, it'll be hard. trust me. but tis worth it.
just keep trying and trying until you get loosened up socialy.
hope that helps

Answer 4

just wait a year.... when you are 21 go out to the bars and just hang out.... if you have a friend to go with, go in a group.

I always found just going out there and trying was half the fun... even the times that you get shot down are learning experiences and sometimes they are the most fun when you look back at them.

The easiest thing I can suggest to you is confidence.... always have confidence... even if you feel you don't.... look like you do...

The girls are talkers.... make sure you listen to them... don't just sit there and be shy and unresponsive... make sure you are part of the conversation but not the whole conversation.

I know this is kinda choppy but it's 2 am... and the brain isn't working on all cylinders...

Answer 5

I can't say that i have the same problem. But i know many people that do. The best thing I can tell you is to cowboy up and just stay calm. Be yourself and you should never have to feel uncomfortable. You are 20 years old and sooner or later you are going to have to get over this awkwardness so that you can function in the workplace. Good luck.

Answer 6

I'm not in that situation, however I understand what you are saying. I have friends like that. Bluntly speaking your 20, time to start your social life strong; masturbate every morning [its funny but loosens you up and makes u forget about those sexual feelings about that girl you so habely are fixed on], start hanging out with girls just on normal days, not on dates, just talk about anything, start chatting to people you know or on Chat Rooms, even though you don't know them it still boosts your charisma. Don't think you know everything and don't act like a hard-*** around girls if your trying to get with them. Your Shyness will only last if you make it that way. Get into Social Groups at school and participate with group activities, that will put you into conversation with other people espically girls. Shyness is a Fear that can only be overcome by forcing yourself to do what you fear the most: talking to a girl.

Answer 7

Start talking to yourself in the mirror...make sure the door is locked, someone might give strange looks. You need to tell yourself that you are worth looking at and you are a good looking individual. YOU have to believe it before anyone else will! If you are constantly thinking you're an idiot, guess what others will think?! Start being goofy and try to make others laugh without it being at others expense (don't make fun of people for a laugh). Have fun and don't be so uptight. Try being friends with girls. Don't think you are talking just to get laid but be a friend. You have to crawl before walking. You trying to run a marathon and aren't ready for it. Just get to know them and be cool. You lose your edge cuz you try to hard. Slow and low, that is the tempo! Take it easy and good luck! }:-)

Answer 8

I'm 25 and am still like that. Do not try to do anything radical to change yourself to please others, in the end you will just dissapoint yourself. And the most important person to you, should be yourself. Even when you are in a relationship, take care of yourself, or else you can never take care of someone else.
There are girls that are as shy. Just hold out and you will find someone.

Answer 9

Cant say that I am as shy as you but....I can say you need to open up more..Just start a convo with someone...Talk to a girl ...I gurantee you will find something to talk about once you start talking to her then you will become friends and like I know its not as easy as written but hey you gotta start somewhere this is my guide to getting a date................................................




1. find a girl you really like
2.walk up to her ask her name even if you know it...
3.start a convo with her she will love it.....
4.become friends trust a little bit at a time with her as she is with you...
5.Find out if she has a boyfriend yet.
6if she does then stay friends and just act like her friend and be the friend to her as you were before...If she doesnt then try asking her if she wants to go see a movie or somethin...
7.If you become bf and gf... Then just treat her with respect tell her she is pretty not hot but pretty..no girl wants to here they are hot but they want to here you say they are pretty...
FINALLY....
you take it to the next level and kiss her this is all if she doesnt have a bf though.......................... remember that! if she likes you she will be amazed ...You will then not be shy to be around her and you will meet more ppl becuz of it..
good luck...
Mackenzie

Answer 10

Tough one. Have you watched shows on tv about make-over type sessions where they help guys get dates by bringing up their confidence? Try this...join a sport or something rough like army or military training. It'll force you to take charge, if you don't force yourself you're going to be always back in line...and age will catch up on you. There's nothing wrong with you.