my girlfriend wants a commitment but....?

Question

I have been with my girlfriend for 5 years. I am 28 years old and we took 1 year off. She is on the verge of moving out to california for me from boston and I just am not sure. She says she won't move here unless I give her a commitment but I am just not 100% sure about the whole thing. Normally 5 years would be enough time, but we broke up for a year last year during which time she lied to me and was dating some other guy (she told me she wasn't dating, was still telling me she loved me and wanted to be with me....meanwhile she is doing the hibbidy with some dude....hence my hesitation). She is giving me the ultimatum...I don't want to lose her but I am just not 100% sure.

Answer 1

The fact that you are writing about the lies and the doing of the hibbidy - is proof that you are not past what happened. You also are not at a point where you are trusting her again. Re-building trust takes time - sometimes years. Unfortunately - you don't have years - as she's asking for the commitment NOW. Commitments should be given with joy - not fear and hesitation. Explain to her that the trust isn't there - so you can't deal with the ultimatum. If she insists that she must have it in order to move to California - then tell her good-bye. She lied - lost your trust - and now if she wants the relationship - she'll have to make some sacrifices. If she doesn't want to give you the time - well - there are LOTS of good women in California looking for a good 28 year old guy.

Answer 2

Have you guys been long distance for the whole 5 years? If so, tell her you want to make sure it'll work for a few months while you live in the same city.
If you haven't been long distance the entire time - be honest with her. Tell her you love her but just need more time - tell her not much time, but at least some. Hopefully she'll understand that and hang on for a bit longer. If not, then I guess she didn't love you enough to begin with.

Answer 3

Dude get your head out,,,,, you have been dating 5 years,,,,,, you took a year off,,,OK you went your way she went her's ,,, so she slept with a guy ... DIDN'T YOU???? now your expecting her to move 3000 miles away just to keep you company,,,, if your not sure after 5 years you'll never be and she knows it,,, your just waiting for something better,,,, bet you had your eye on something when you took the year off didn't work out huh........ so your back to old faithfull,,,,,

I did the same thing dated a really great gal, Jo for 2 years,,,, had to move away for business,,,, and she would fly up every couple months and was waiting for me,,,, I was tempted by a beautiful gal and she moved in ,, so I broke up with Jo,,,, the move in gal was a disaster ,,,, she moved out 6 months later and I went back to Jo,,,, but some other guy was dating her he approched her many time before she would go out with him,,,, they did,,,, I came back with a ring ,,but she wasn't sure,, and said NO,,,,,, he wasn't ready to commit wanted to wait 2 years ,,,, he happened to stop by while I was there,,,,he knew she was a keeper and he went out and bought her a ring that afternoon and they got married 8 months later,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,, BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE,,,,, found a gal that was great and we got along really well and she was always there for me,,,,,,my little head took over for 15 mins and loused up my life,,,

that was 3 years ago I have dated probbably 60 women since then none of them could ever come close to Jo,,,,

If you guys get allong well have things in common and enjoy each others company ,,,, Marry her and take her to California,,,, And have a great life,,, Exploring California together

Answer 4

well she was doing the hibbidy with some other guy because you guys weren't together. So why are you angry at her? And if she was telling you she really loved you and is now moving to where you live, that is a sign of love.

If you feel like you're not sure, its because you're not sure of your love for her.
If you can't get past she's been with someone else, it's probably because you don't love her. Because if you did, you'd accept who she is, was and will be.

Don't make her move out there if you're just with her because you're comfortable, you feel bad for her, or just because everyone says she's great. Do it because you want her.

you should know if you do or not.

Answer 5

Tell her that you need time. Just be honest with her and tell her exactly what you said on here. It's obvious that you care for her but I understand your distrust. If she can't give you time she obviously doesn't love you as much as you love her and you don't need her anyway. There is no point in rushing into things. You have the rest of your life to be married. Good Luck!

Answer 6

You sure are immature. After this girl invests five years of her life with you...you're not sure? Why did you continue in this relationship if you weren't sure? I mean, you being "not sure" didn't prevent you from having sex with her so why are you worried now...that she'll put a stop to your romantic plans of having sex with other women because you're "only" 28 and there are a lot of other women that you want to sleep with?! She's the one who should be unsure of wasting her time on a loser like you.

Answer 7

if you took a break then you have nothing to complain about. What were you doing on this so called break??? If she's giving you an ultimatum then you should probably back off. It should be a decision that you make together.

Answer 8

If you arent sure then you arent sure. Its better that you wait then jump into a situation that you may grow to resent her over. Just tell her you arent sure, and explain why.

Answer 9

5 years?!! Dude, marry her or cut her loose. Keeping her when you are aren't crazy/in love with her isn't fair to either of you.

Answer 10

Your right to ponder your thought already you have seen a taste of her other side. why would you want to start that over. Let her go women like that you don't need. and alternatium pfff please. Tell her to go fly a kite.