We have known each other for years, have a history & a child together. She has lived with me for about 4 months to help her financially & I get to see my child more. Our "relationship" was hot & cold. We weren't a couple when she moved in. She had a boyfriend but "supposely" broke up before moving in. In the time she had lived with me, we had spent some "intimate" nights together just like old times(she came to my room). Thought life was ok for all of us until now. She accused me of "using" her & has moved out & left me with the bills. She is mad at me & doesn't want to see or talk to me. She has custody of our child. How did I use her? Should she take half the blame for this situation? Any remedies?
2006-11-13 16:53:47 · 7 answers · asked by nativendn4 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
The holidays are coming & it doesn't look good.
2006-11-14 12:03:34 · update #1
Its been a few weeks since the move & we are still not talking. Would like our child to be happy during the holidays. She is staying at her parent's place & I don't feel comfortable being there because I'm not sure what they think of me or if she told them her "side of the story".
2006-11-14 12:14:33 · update #2
She was looking for a reconcilliation, not a few one nighters. She probably still has feelings for you, and when you slept with her, she may have been under the impression you had feelings for her.
Enter reality when she realizes you two are not on the same wave-length, and she becomes bitter as a result of it.
You've asked about how you used her, well, that's how.
Blame is pointless. It was a mutual mis-understanding, regardless of whether she accepts it or not.
You're main focus shouldn't be on who is at fault, but how this is impacting your child. Children are a lot more sensitive than they are given credit for being. They may not react to a situation, but that doesn't mean the situation isn't impacting them. Changes like this- where someone is in their life, then out, then in, can have serious emotional repercussions well into their adulthood including not being able to maintain any kind of relationship with anyone. Shift your focus a little and work on creating a stable environment for your child, be it with you or with her. You're child's future happiness truly depends on it.
2006-11-13 17:06:44 · answer #1 · answered by Cady 2 · 1⤊ 1⤋
well first of all is she on the lease? If she is then she is obligated by law to pay half the rent. If not then there is nothing you can really do besides try to mend the situation and maybe talk her into moving back in until you are able to find another roomate. I don't think that was very mature of her to do, however it wasnt exactly smart for you two to probably live together, esspecially if your relationship is known to have problems. Also it doesnt sound like she is very dependable since you were trying to help her out and she just left you hanging. Also you might want to mention to her that this is going to strain you financially and willl cause you to not be able to give your child as much money as you would like...that might strike her interest.
2006-11-14 01:01:12 · answer #2 · answered by thereis 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
I think that she is feeling guilty for what she did and has decided that a good way out of the guilt is to blame it on you. If she did come to your room, then it would actually be here fault, but im not sure if that is how she means "using" her but, either way she has to pay half of the bills if that was the agreement. If you just gave her a place to stay with no agreement just you would give her a roof over her head then she legally has to pay none of the bills, just write her a letter tell her that you are confused and ask her how you used her. Put your name at the end of the letter and thats it, leave the letter in her car or something like that. Tell her that if she doesnt want to talk to you that is fine, but you have no idea how you used her and you would just like to understand her point of view. If you honestly dont think you used her, tell her that but also tell her that you would really like to know how you used her. Tell her that if she doesnt want to talk to you she doesnt have to but you would greatly appreciate it if she would write you back and tell her the best place for her to leave it or give her your mailing address. GOOD LUCK !
2006-11-14 01:00:29 · answer #3 · answered by Don A 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Might try getting a purpose to your life, so many are drifting from one relationship to the next, children with no real security, Adults acting like children. You sound like so many other young people-- hot and cold. Take some accountability.
2006-11-14 01:03:43 · answer #4 · answered by doktordbel 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋
I c your in a tight spot I think the reason she went off like that because of the "fun " u had 2gether I think u need to give her time to come around in time hopefully & don't start blaming yourself as that only leeds to depression goodluck
2006-11-14 01:01:59 · answer #5 · answered by blue-bird 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
well its a twisted stutiation man either she used you for her benefits OR she feels gilty of what she done
2006-11-14 01:21:55 · answer #6 · answered by zain86us 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
she is screwing with you. you never used her in any way. she is the one who was using you. just be glad she is gone.
2006-11-14 01:01:48 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋