How can I get my kids to be more active in helping with cleaning their messes?

Question

It is 12am now. I just got done completely cleaning the kitchen and picking up the liveingroom. Most of the mess was my 2, 5, and 7 year olds. I get on them about cleaning their messes up but they do not get it. I can show them how, throw the things away, or ground them from what they want to do if they are not helping pick up. How can I get them to help effectively?

Answer 1

Hold Saturday morning room inspections for which the 5 and 7 year old are responsible. They don't get to play or have breakfast until the room passes inspection.

When they "get it," then use those skills on smaller messes during the week.

Be patient. This is worth it to get it right and instill discipline.

Answer 2

Have you heard of Flylady? She's great about helping people dealing with a messy house. www.flylady.net

The short answer is that kids need a good example, so you need to throw things away when you use them, put things away as soon as you are done with them, etc. BUT, they also need reminders. Even a 2-year-old can help -- but even a 14-year-old will need reminders. (-: Heck, even a 37-year-old like me needs reminders sometimes.

Make a list of the things you want them to do every day. Do you want the living room picked up? Every hour, have a 10-second-tidy (I stole this idea from the children's show, The Big Comfy Couch). Set a timer for one minute, pitch in with them, and get everything that is not being used right now put away. Socks and any other clothes in the laundry basket (why do kids always take their socks off all over the house (-:), coats and bags hung up, glasses or snack plates in the sink, papers tidied up. Don't complain -- don't nag -- just insist that it's for only one minute, and anyone can do it for one minute. Time it for the commercials if your kids watch TV, and it should be easier. If they don't comply, turn off the TV until they co-operate.

The last tidy of the day should be a super-tidy, maybe up to 10 minutes. But if you've been doing it every hour (or after snack, before supper and one after supper, at least), it shouldn't take very long. After that tidy, it's time for brushing teeth, washing faces and pajamas then bed time.

It's also important to have a little tidy before bed -- clothes must go into the hamper, school bags packed and checked, toys off the floor.

Checklists are also very handy to have. "Clean up this mess!" is so ineffective. "1. Pick up toys off the floor. 2. Pick clothes up off the floor. 3. Give notes from school to Mom. 4. Pack bag for school tomorrow (and kids should have a sub-list for this)." is much easier to follow through on.

Flylady also has lots of little tricks moms use if the co-operation thing isn't working. Things like, "Well, you didn't put it away, so it's mine until Sunday." I think it's really important to warn kids that you are imposing new rules and penalties -- once they figure out you mean it, they will follow the rules much better..

It's hard, but learning how to pick up after yourself is an important lesson that I wish I had learned as a kid. Teach it lovingly, and your kids will always remember it!

Answer 3

You need To Get A Cork Board And Display IT where They Can See It...Put Each Childs Name On Board..And Tell This Call Points Game..You Will Do...Mon Tue Wed Thur Fri Sat Sun..At Top Of Board....Along Side Childs Name ..Explain To Them You Only Get Points If You Pick Up Your Messes..When You Play With Your Toys You Clean Up..Thats How Points Are Made Who Ever Scores 25pts a week[5pts a day] Gets To Go For ICECREAM...OR BOOK OR A CANDY BAR OR TO THE PARK..ETC..stick to it and have patience the rewards will make them proud of themselves..luv kara

Answer 4

they'll get it soon enough but 2 is too young to understand. The five and 7 is ok. I was spoiled so I never had to pick up after myself till I was like 10 or 11 years old. I had a nanny when I was younger and my mom always cleaned after me a couple years after the nanny was gone. And that was when I was 7, was when she left.

Answer 5

I agree that two is too young for this, but for the 5- and 7-year-olds, try Madonna's strategy (this actually makes sense to me): Set the ground rules clearly so they understand that they must pick up after themselves every single day. If they don't pick up their stuff by a certain time (that YOU set, no bargaining), you pick up that stuff and put into a box where they can't get to it. Then, for every day that they DO pick up their stuff on time, they get to take back ONE thing from the box.

Answer 6

You can institute a reward schedule to reinforce positive behavior. Try awarding points for cleaning their room, putting dishes in the dw, putting unused food away, etc. Then establish a set of rewards; e.g., trip to the zoo -100 pts., ice cream at B&R - 50 pts., $1 for candy - 25 pts. You can use stars or different labels and post them on a board, be creative and keep it fun.

Answer 7

I say eliminate the actions that cause the messes. If they fix themselves a snack they clean up the mess if they can't clean up the mess aftewards they can't have the snack. Grounding them isn't going to do any good...that's only punishing yourself.
In my home all of the "extras" that my daughter got were priveliges; television, videos, video games, computer time, snacks were ALL priveliges and had to be EARNED by her behavior. If she helped clean the mess after dinner, she would be able to have a snack, if she didn't help out she didn't get a snack. If she behaved all day she got television/video/video game/computer time (limited to one hour in the evenings during the week), if she didn't behave she didn't get to do those things. I rarely had any problems getting her to do things like clean up after herself.

Answer 8

i have a 7yr old the best thing that i have found is make a game of it. you have different age groups make funny charts for each child with pictures and a reward system like stickers or smiley faces and if they do not do the chore they are supposed to give them a sad face for that space. you will see on how they want more happy faces than sad ones. and at the end of the week if they have meet goals, reward them with a fun activity they would like to do or a trip to McDonald's. or so much money to spend at the dollar store. what ever you decide. be consistent and you will see how fast the kids will get involved. my son loves to do his chart and reminds me every night to do it. he is 7 so i have more things on his chart like brushing his teeth feeding his animals picking up his toys. remind your 7yr old he/she is the oldest so he/she will have more chores than the younger ones. good luck and yes the 2yr old is old enough to do little chores they want to be big helpers also even if its just pickin up their own toys.

Answer 9

Use the token response.

They all enjoy something that is expensive, right? Horse back riding, a ball game, a movie, etc.

For each day they do a chore, they get one token. When they hit a certain number of tokens, they are able to do that special things.

On the days that they don't do chores, they have one token removed. You can also use the method of for each chore they get 15 minutes of TV time.

Answer 10

when they ask for extras like candy or toys at the store, say how are you going to earn it? suggest a task such as taking out the trash, when you get home do not give it to them until it is completed. for things that are not extra like cleaning their own bedroom say no tv or video games until it is done and stick to it. always stick to what you say no matter how much they pout because they will learn you mean what you say.