Not agreeing on wedding plans...?

Question

I'm suppose to be getting married next Sept, I want a small wedding, semi traditional. I want a small hall for the reception with a pot luck dinner but I want a nice ceremony elsewhere, my fiance doesn't. He doesn't see the point is spending money on renting another place than where the reception will be held, he also doesn't see the need to "dress up". Should be just elope and not worry about arguing over what to do for the wedding/reception...or is there a way to comromise?

Would it be wrong to elope with only a few friends and family, and just invite everyone else to an "after party" of sorts?

Answer 1

I think eloping would be wrong because it doesn't sound like that's what you want. Hopefully, you will only get one shot at having the wedding you really want and you shouldn't compromise your dreams.

A quick newsflash: Your fiance is a boy. Boys don't understand why we have outfits categorized (for dancing, for working, for studying) or why we love Sex and the City, so it's no wonder they don't get the wedding thing. It didn't come with the Y chromosome.

If he really loves you, which I'm sure he does, then he will understand when you say, "This is really important to me. I'm not trying to be a bridezilla, but this is my wedding and you will be a lot happier in a seperate ceremony hall than I will be eloping."

You love him enough to tell him all your hopes and dreams. Now do just that.

Answer 2

There is always a way to compromise. He may not see the need to dress up, but you'll regret it every time you look at the photos if you both don't look your best. So maybe just don't go super formal and extravagant. In other words, he could wear a suit instead of a tux and you could wear a sheath or A-line instead of a ballgown. I think it's a nice touch to have the ceremony in a different place bc receptions halls are usually cheesy for the ceremony part. You know, you could get married in a public park or garden for like $30. Then have the pot luck at the hall as planned.

To your second question, no, it wouldn't be wrong.

Answer 3

It is perfectly acceptable to go get wed elsewhere (destination wedding or elopement) and then have a reception when you return home, as long as the return home reception is done in a timely manner.
The best way for both of you to get your "wishes" is to have a destination wedding at your honeymoon location, this way you can still have a simple but beautiful wedding ceremony (and the pictures to remember it by) without breaking the bank. Then have a reception upon your return (after your honeymoon).

If you really want your friends and family to be able to see you wed, perhaps you should consider getting married at the reception site (just outside perhaps, if there is a nice garden or something). Just remember that the marriage is more important than the wedding... and there will be MANY compromises along the way. Dont give up your sense of self or all of your ideas, if you are willing to meet him halfway than he should be as well.
Work together on this.

Answer 4

why not try an outdoor wedding in say a park or a friends back yard where you might not need to pay. If the outdoor space is not large enough for all your guests invite a few to the ceremony and everyone else to the reception. What is his vision of not dressing up? Some khakis and a button up shirt always look nice and your dress should be just a simple wedding gown. Hope that helps! Good Luck!!

Answer 5

You can find a way to compromise. How about a backyard wedding, which are generally more informal? People still look nice, but not quite so dressed up. You can have the ceremony either in the backyard or at a small chapel (you'll still only be paying for one location). Don't do potluck, though. It's considered rude to ask guests to bring their own food to a wedding. Rent some tents and have it catered...you'll still be saving tons!

Eloping might be an option. But in this case, it sounds as though you'd be throwing your hands up and giving up rather than finding a way to work through this dispute. You can't do that in marriage, so you both better get used to compromising now.

Answer 6

You two should compromise on what you want to do. If he wants something small and informal and you wouldnt mind something small but want it to be formal then agree in the middle - have something small for him but make it formal for you. Remember, it is the day for both of you. You will be making compromises from now on, so why not practice with the wedding planning.

I know what you are going through, I am in the process too......I want pink as my color and he doesnt, yet he wants a Mexcan band and I dont - so we compromised, no pink and no band.

Goodluck!

Answer 7

Are your folks still around. They probably may not like an idea of a hush hush wedding ceremony. Usually, they would want it to be in the open hence a must for ceremony. At times, it would costs alot but I would rather use the money to go for a good honeymoon trip.. So both of you got to compromise also with your folks...

Answer 8

His idea isn't as bad as it sounds. This is happening more & more. In fact, I'm doing one such wedding in a few weeks.

You need enough room in order to make a wedding altar. With columns, an arch, tulle & flowers, it can be quite elegant.

As far as dressing up, have hin go pick out his own tux ( with you along). As long as it isn't too gaudy, let him wear it.
My son refused to wear a tie or cumberband. He chose a longer jacket with a higher collar. I've had more men say to me that if they could wear what he chose, they couldn't mind wearing the outfit so much.

May as well learn the art of compromise now. The rest of your life, is a long time.

Answer 9

You need to make sure that you have the wedding that YOU dream of. I really am concerned that your fiance doesn't seem to care about that. He should care that you have the wedding of your dreams, because he LOVES you. Don't compromise, because then you might wind up regretting it. If it isn't that important to you, then go ahead and just elope. Just make sure that a few years down the line, you won't be wishing you had done more.

Answer 10

hmm..compromise...aside from saying sorry, it's a hard thing do...
first thing to do honey, is to relax...september is still a long wait. come January, you could start to panic...hehehe..kidding...why not first discuss with your fiance why you want to have a ceremony..tell him that all girls have their dream wedding and you just want to fulfill that dream with him and nobody else. ask him what concerns him, the expense? the hassle? well, why and how in the world he become your fiance if he see these things inappropriate.
if you want to compromise the semi traditional ceremony, both of you should agree to meet half way. you could wear nice casual clothes. i first thought of wearing a white skirt, blue blouse and white boots for my wedding. have your attendants in jeans and satin blouse. you could have your wedding in a nice elsewhere with few guests, say, family and closest friends, exchange your vows, eat, dance, go to your honeymoon and enjoy life being Mrs.I-had-a-nice-semi-traditional-wedding-cause-it-was-what-we-agreed-to-have...and be proud of it. after all, the wedding day is not as important as the marriage.
prayer of blessings to your wedding.