My niece is being bullied and is scared for her life!!! Should I help her or mind my business??

Question

My 5 year old niece came home from school crying and upset. She said that a bunch of the older kids surrounded her and called her a bunch of mean names and pushed her around. My sister is handling this situation all wrong in my opinion. She tells her that she better not let those girls beat her up or else she will come up to the school and beat her up in front of these mean children. My niece has told me that she is going to take her dads stun gun to school to kill these girls because she is so afraid for her life. Is there anything that I should say or do or should I just mind my own business and let her get this as tough love.

Answer 1

Your sister seems to have some parenting skills deficiencies.

Basically, your sister told your niece that she had the "choice" of trying to fight those girls, or your sister would come to school and give her a public beating..

Where do I begin??

Let's start with the fact that beating up her child is a FELONY and would be an astonishingly stupid thing for your sister to do ON SCHOOL PROPERTY

I'm a licensed educator, and we're required by law in our state to report child abuse to ACS - I'm sure your state is the same

So your sister would leave the school in handcuffs, and your niece would go into foster care

(I'M DEAD SERIOUS ABOUT THAT - if a parent did something that horrible to her kid in my school, I'd be the first one to run to the phone and call the State Child Abuse Hotline)

Second, your sister is teaching your niece a horrible lesson - to "solve" problems with violence

Your niece has already learned this lesson well - to carry out her mom's orders, she wants to bring a stun gun to school

That's a FELONY too.. and these days, courts are quick to lock up a student who brings a weapon to school (remember Columbine? your state juvenile justice system sure as hell does!!)

So, thanks to your sister's amazingly pathetic parenting skills, you could end up with either - a sister in jail and a niece in foster care or - a niece in jail

Tell your sister that she needs to have her daughter report the bullies to school authorites - and if they don't act immediately have your sister call the police and report the bullies

It's really that simple...

The amazingly idiotic idea your sister had to bully her daughter into fighting the bullies is unbelievable

I know some "old school" parents think that's the way to "toughen your kids up" but that is a horrible way to raise your kids...

Your sister badly needs parenting classes - and she should take them NOW, when it's still VOLUNTARY (that is, before the family court ORDERS her to attend parenting classes, and puts her name on the State Child Abuser registry!!!)

If your sister refuses to listen to reason (and if you REALLY love your niece) YOU should call child welfare on your sister

I know it sounds harsh, but it sounds like your niece needs to be rescued from this horrible dillema before something really bad happens

Answer 2

Bullying is so hard on children. It makes them feel unsafe in a place where they once felt safe. My advice to you is to have your sister call the school and report such incidents. Document what, when, where, who did these things to her. Report this. The reason why she wants to bring a stun gun is to protect herself because she feels so alone. Bullying can leave a child feeling scared, and unwanted especially if nothing is being done at home. Make sure that you tell your neice that if is being taken care of. Tell her that you and her mom are doing what you can to help her. Tell her that you cant just go to the school and beat up the kids. That is teaching her that violence is okay. She needs to learn the proper way to fix a problem. Hide the stun gun!! watch what she is doing. You do not know how long this has been going on and how much more she can take. Call the school right away! Good Luck!

Answer 3

I think you should talk to your sister if you don't think it will put your niece in harm's way with her. Frankly your sister sounds like she's got serious problems of her own if that's how she speaks to a 5 year old! Talk to the school principal as well. School policies on bullying have really been getting tough in recent years and most schools have a zero tolerance for it. This poor child needs adult intervention on her behalf and if she isn't getting it from her mother, you should step up and protect her. No one, especially a child, should ever have to fear for their life like this! Does the girl's father know what's going on? Is he any more sensible or compassionate than your sister? If he is, maybe you can talk to him about this. I do hope your poor niece gets the help she needs to feel safe again. The way your sister has chosen to handle this is just awful!!! It's also illegal to beat up a child under any circumstances! She needs professional help, the whole family should really get into counseling or your niece may turn out really messed up in the end! I hope everything turns out okay for all concerned.

Answer 4

Intervene. Tough love can leave lifelong scars. When my nephew started kindergarten his sister had made a boy mad on their apartment complex swing set. Since he couldn't beat up my niece he caught my nephew on his way to the restroom at school and choked him almost unconscious. Since then we have had to deal with a soiling problem called Encoperesis. This has caused more teasing and bullying. He is now 11 and in 6th grade and says he would rather kill himself than go to school. I intervened with the Board of Education and the school counselor. Although the problem hasn't been solved it's not as bad as it was. It is an ongoing battle with the school, that I feel his life is worth. Children go to school to learn and I think parents need to stand up to the schools and boards of education to put a stop to bullying. My nephew came home from school today with a headache. A boy had hit him in the head with a basketball 8 times. He retaliated and the teacher said that's what the boy gets. I don't want it that way. I'm afraid he will become a bully. I will be at school tomorrow to confront the gym teacher. This is the area we are having the most problems in. The gym teacher's idea of punishment is to let the person hurt hit the person that hurt them. We are already having to keep a pediatric headache chart. I figure the gym teacher was a bully when he was in school.

Answer 5

Neither. Talk to your niece. Ask her what is is about this person that makes her so scared. If you can stop by the school. Don't let her see you. Watch as long as you can. If you have a cell keep the schools number in speed dial. But keep and eye on what you see and don't get involved until you know for sure. I've done this many of times. Report it to mom and the school. But mom first. Then decide what the next step should be.

Answer 6

Your sister's response is frankly scary.

I'm not sure what direct intervention (like talking to school officials) you can really take as her aunt. But you can always talk with your niece. Let her know that what those children did was definitely wrong. Then sit with her and brainstorm a list of things she can do in that type of situation--run and find an adult, tell her teacher, make sure she is always with her friends out on the playground, or talk about some things to say to stand up to bullies. She will feel better knowing she has a plan.

Also reassure her that she can always talk to you when she is afraid or when someone is hurting her. From what you say about her mother, it sounds like she's going to need it.

Answer 7

The best thing is to talk to your niece first, and ask her if she can recognize all of these people, if she can and if they are from school, go to the principle and tell him that your niece has told you of taking her dads gun and killing the people that are bulling her. Ask him if he can help you figure out who are these people doing this, and that you don't want your niece to do anything bad or you don't want anything bad done to your niece. You and your sister should go together to the principle and even your sisters husband, this will give a clear image to the principle that this is no game, if he sees all of you at once. The principle would surly help to solve this problem. Its not just your sisters responsibility, but yours also. If you don't protect your family who else will? There is no such thing as tough love, if you see your niece upset and people hurting her to the point she wants to kill them, then help her!!! She is only 5 and cant defend herself!!! You have the power. May God help you in helping your niece. Good luck...............

Answer 8

Yes, your sister is handling it all wrong. Being bullied in school is not to be tolerated at all! Yes, I think you should make it your business. Talk to your niece about how special she is and maybe that's why she's being picked on. They are just jealous. I think this matter should be taken to the principal and counselors and her teacher. For a child to say taking dad's stun gun to school to "kill" these girls is a serious matter. Don't you hear world news about kids killing other kids because they're being picked on? I tell my children not to tolerate with bullying. If they should be picked on or laughed at, let their teacher or nearest adult know. Just walk away and ignore them. If it's consistant and serious, we would just have to sit in the principal's office with that child/ren and their parents and talk about the situation. We also would pray for that person and their family. I am sorry to see your niece is in this situation, especially at age 5. I will pray for you and your family that this matter will be solved and that He will give you the wisdom and knowlegde to bring peace to this matter.

Answer 9

get to the school and report the incident to the principal or counselor and if that does not get any action then straight to the school district administration.
and your sister is just making the situation worse by being a bully to her own child...shame on her.
and your poor niece wants to do away with the first group of bullies so the second one(mom) will leave her alone
your sister is wrong and not helping the situation a bit

Answer 10

Tough love nowadays isn't buying your child a cell phone at 8. She is 5 yrs old. Your sister is an idiot. Call the school, the teacher and the principal. Tell them she is getting bullied and your sister is too much of an idiot to do anything. Inform the school that if they don't do something, you will and that will include contacting the authorities (who cares how old the kids are).