how can we help a 3 yr old deal with her parents fighting over her?

Question

My 3 year old niece is living with her mom right now. Her dad just filed for full custody and she came home from his house unusually quiet. After throwing fits all day, talking back, and just crying off and on she finally broke down tonight and told us that she doesn't want her daddy. When we asked her what she meant she said that she didn't want to go to her daddy she just wants to live with mommy. Her mom held her and tried to comfort her and told her not to worry she wasn't going anywhere she settled down. They went in to sit and cuddle on the couch and she started sucking her thumb. She has never done that. She is really a laid back child. Very rarely does she throw fits or act out at all. Her mom doesn't talk about the custody situation around her so it had to have come from her dads. How can we help her relax and cope with this?

Answer 1

I have a degree in early childhood development and have dealt with many such situations. There is nothing that can "cure" the problem that isn't mutaully agreed on by both sides. ie. NEVER discuss adult issues in front of or to the child in adult terms. Nor should you cause a traumatic event to be added to by telling her that she will have to do anything that isn't court ordered. Your friend needs to discuss these issues with her father not argue or verbally attack, nor should she mention what her daughter said (this will make him defensive and most likely confront the child). Explain how it is effecting her behavior and that it was said that he had filed. Please don't......Then, and always she needs to be reassured and told often that she is loved and that daddy loves and misses her too. Just because mommy & daddy aren't together anymore doesn't make them love her any less. And remember 2 happy loving homes are better than 1 unhappy home. Also, everyone who is caring for her not to over compensate and allow behavior or regression problems. This will only grow into something that will eventually cause an unruley teen and a lousy adult. She needs a set schedual (routine is comforting) and have set boundries, with consequeces. TIP my son started sucking his thumb, I only saw it once, but I didn't use hot sauce as most people suggest because it would hurt if it got into his eyes. I used powdered alum and made sure I got it under his nails. If you don't know alum is what makes pickles sour and has quite a bite. It worked the 1st time.

Answer 2

Have her mom speak with her dad and explain the situation, short visits make transitions easier and improve daddy-daughter relationship even if mom maintains custody. Talk to the childs pediatrician for advicce on how to cope, he may be able to give advice and may recomend a counselor even for a three year old.

Answer 3

Have her mom talk civilly with her dad. Let him know what she is doing when she comes home. Have the two parents talk with her and assure her that she will not be punished for what she says. That is basically all the mom can do, since all the lashing out is coming from what is happening at dads house. If there is real abuse there call the department of children and family services.

Answer 4

i think of kicking him out is a final hotel. yet i could recommend which you verify he knows that that's an option. Say to him, "I understand which you're an grownup now, and in a position to make your individual judgements, and that a sort of became into the choice to stop attending college. despite the fact that, you'll be able to desire to renowned that the alternative comes with outcomes. the 1st one, is that i'm now not going to handle you as a newborn. i will admire your suitable to direct your existence the way you prefer. and that i may assist you in assisting you detect a course in existence that makes you happy.... yet, as an grownup, you're here in this residing house by making use of my desires and my desires merely. so which you have a decision. once you're here you will abide by making use of specific regulations. and you will make contributions to the fee selection for the enjoyed ones. or you may pass out of the residing house and stake your declare on the worldwide. considering's smarter for you financially to stay here, to acquire some wealth that could assist you on your existence, i prefer to recommend which you reside here. And indexed here are the regulations...." then you certainly can lay out what he's in charge. And be very particular. Like "take out the trash by making use of time x", "wash and sparkling all your individual outfits" . "make contributions $40/week to groceries" youthful childrens are variety of odd at the instant. i don't think of it potential that they are any much less prepared to be in charge, I merely think of there's a disconnect between the quantity of paintings required to get someplace and the quantity of paintings they predicted. they have grown up with the internet, which provides such quickly outcomes, and that they have got been bombarded with pictures from television that make it look like money could be undemanding. So, i assume i'm asserting "have faith, you're actually not on my own, and it will get extra valuable." verify he does not rub off on your daugher although, it feels like she's on a large song!!!

Answer 5

3 years is so young to have to worry about adult stuff...let her she is loved is loved by all of you and keep her on track re: discipline and family life...and play with her.