Girl friend trying to quit smoking, how can I help?

Question

My girl friend has been smoking almost all her life, she wants to quit but is having continuous difficulties and frankly, I am loosing patience...
I had severe problems with family stuff because of smoking and her smoking has real emotional impact on me. I am suspicious whenever she is with friends who smoke and I’m not there, I’m constantly stressing about it. She smoked when we first got together but promised she would quit for me and her self, it has been almost two years, there has been a lot of collage, relationship and work stress and I understand that it makes things more difficult but I’m running out of patience, WHAT SHOULD I DO???

But it has been so long...hasent it?

Answer 1

She already knows that you support her in not smoking, the only thing that you can do is continue to let her know that her smoking hurts you and that you would support her efforts to quit. Don't berate her, it will only make her resent you. The final decision is hers and hers alone. Many people successfully give up smoking, but it takes tremendous willpower and there are probably even more ex-smokers in the world than smokers.

Answer 2

I love the answer about kissing your mate when you have a craving !

You should try that !

Also, your girlfriend is addicted and hollering, begging, and not talking nice to her will not stop her. She has to decide to quit on her own terms. I stopped smoking 9-19-06 and it has been a battle I don't wish on anyone. Be nice to your girlfriend and leave her alone about the smoking.

I just wonder why you choose a girl that smoked even though you have had difficulties with the issue in the past and you had to have known that this would be very difficult for her.

You may be co-dependent. You should look into this because if you are , then you are as addicted to her smoking issues/problems as she is addicted to smoking.

Best of luck !

Answer 3

Either accept her the way she is - as a smoker - or end the relationship. What other choice do you really have??? As a smoker myself, I and attest to the fact that it is TOUGH to quit. The more people harp about it, the more it drives the smoker to smoke. She is the only one that can quit. If she quits for you, it will be temporary - trust me. She has to realize over time that she needs to quit.

My wife and I both smoked while we dated, and for several years after we were married. She was able to quit 19 years ago. I do not smoke in my house ever, or in her car, or in my car when she or my children are in it. I try to be considerate.

I, like you, have had many smoking related deaths in my family. As a smoker, we look at the 80 year old smokers in the family that dodged most of the ill effects of smoking, and block out the family members that didn't dodge the ill effects.

In closing, there are only two options for you. You can accept her and ask that she respect your right to smoke free air to breath - or - if you just can not accept her smoking, you will have to move on. Just know that if you go for option 2, you may find the non-smoker that you are looking for, but she could have issues that could make you become a smoker!!!!!

Good luck

Answer 4

You let her know how you feel about smoking in general, you tell her that her smoking is holding up the relationship (although why you would even begin to date a smoker, is beyond me if it's that much of an issue to you) and then you let her decide. If it's a deal breaker for you, and she chooses not to quit, then you'll just have to move on...or re-evaluate your issue with smokers. Some people only socially smoke, and especially when drinking...if that's the only time she smokes it would be a shame for you to toss aside what you claim is a loving relationship, over a part-time recreational activity.

Answer 5

Well, I'm only an observer of life, but from what I know, your behavior will only make things worse. Your best bet would be encouragement and making sure she doesn't smoke around you for second hand smoke reasons.

You cannot control other peoples behavior, only your own. You can however, guide it with positive reinforcement for good behavior and ignoring bad behavior. When you first hooked up, your mind was on other things and although her smoking may have mattered to you, not as much since things have cooled down some. Remember that at least...

Answer 6

Be very supportive even though she is more than likely to get very mean the end result is worth it. I have been smoking for over 16 yrs and I have tried to quit several times so anyone who can make it through it I envy them. Good luck to her and may God be with you in this time of need... I threw a plates and many other objects not to be mean but to take out frustration

Answer 7

She will never quit and if she did, something is going to come up in the future that is going to stress her out and of course she is going to grab a cigarette because she "has to have it!" Once a smoker, always a smoker!! Smokers always will have the urge to smoke even if they quit. Most of their friends are smokers as well so that makes it even harder to quit and if they do, they will probably start back. You should have found a non-smoker. Smokers stink and I know that you hate kissing her and smelling it on her all of the time!

Answer 8

The only thing to do is to be supportive of her. Encourage her to just deal with one hour at a time. Tell her how proud you are of her every day she goes without smoking. Maybe even start buying her small gifts to show her you are proud.

Answer 9

i think you should leave her alone about it for starters! quitting is not an easy thing to do and she smoked when you met her...stop nagging her and let her make the decision...if it's not her decision i don't think she'll succeed at it...just my opinion...

Answer 10

Quit stressing her out about it,she will only quit when she's ready to.It has to be,and she will.