My mom won't come to my wedding- because she is racist- what can I do?

Question

I always thought my mom didn't like my fiancee because he was shorter than me. During family gatherings she always made comments about how short he was and how she didn't think he was a very good guy for me. But I think it's more than just his height. My fiancee is Mexican. I think that is why she doesn't like him- she's racist! What can I do to change her mind about him? I've already tried telling her how thoughtful and kind he is, but she doesn't care. And whenever he used to come over she always gave him the cold shoulder. This really bugs me because I love my mom, but I also love my fiancee. And I can't choose one over the other. And this problem is getting worse everyday.

I want my mom to come to my wedding!

And my fiancee was born in Mexico but he moved to the United States when he was 10.

I've been with him for 5 years.

Answer 1

you will never be able to change his mind lady, so dont try anymore. either move on (which would be stupid) or do not have a relationship with your mom anymore. ive been through something like that, and it was just dating. people dont change, even if he is a nice guy.

Answer 2

You should have a heart to heart talk with her and put her in your fiancee's shoes and see if she likes it if she is being treated with a cold shoulder. Look you have done all you can and if she wants to be in your wedding fine if not hollaback. Life is too short for this kind of stupidity, you are not marrying your mom and you can let her know that the choice is up to her if she wants to be a part of your life or not. It's time for peace and not foolishness with other people's race.

Answer 3

Every daughter wants to share their special day with their mother. You sound like you are an adult now and as such need to sit down with your mom and have a mature open discussion explaining that your fiancee is the fella your going to marry and that you would wish she could be as happy for you as you are. Inform her that someday there will be grandchildren born of this union and that she would make a great grandmother but you don't want this to be ruined also. Ask her to try and keep an open mind regarding your fiancee and his origins and family and to please join you on what is to be the happiest day of your life. Best of luck to you.

Answer 4

I've read your post twice and I didn't see anyplace where you showed your mother had made racist comments or otherwise to attribute her behavior to racism.

Maybe she is racist I don't know. But I know mothers have this special power. They have a special intuition that enables them to feel a person more than just observe them. She may be getting bad vibes from you fiancee and they are being manifested as complaints about height and possibly ethnicity.

But it is not 100% and true love knows no sorrow. Love is love and if you love this person, you send your mother an invitation and it will be up to her whether she attends or not.

Answer 5

Dorothy sounds like she grew to become right into a astounding woman, and that i'm sorry to declare, I agree that your mom sounds very bitter and harm. It sounds advise, yet you're heavily better off with out individuals like her on your existence. people like her carry others down and are not content cloth till everybody is as depressing as they are. even nevertheless she is your mom, it does not lots sound like she acts like one. you do not would desire to 'shrink her out of your existence' so which you will possibly talk, yet you are able to back off and not make touch for a at a similar time as, if she makes touch, you're able to be short and abrupt, perhaps she would be able to get the hint that her habit isn't proper and if she needs to proceed to be a area of her sons and grandchildren's lives, she needs to recover from what occurred to her and pass on with existence with a grin on her face. Being racist is in no way ok and till she accepts your spouse for who she is, and not what she is, then you definately shouldn't enable her to be around your infants along with her hateful approach in the direction of blacks.

Answer 6

Your mom needs to grow up and get over it. I dont know about your mom but i have always been "preached" to about dont judge people by the color of their skin and your mom shouldn't do that either. You need to tell your mom you will marry your fiance with or with out her support but would prefer to have it. Maybe if she sees that you will go on with your wedding regardless she will warm up to the fact that hes Mexican. Good Luck and have a happy wedding day :D

Answer 7

I'm sorry your mother is not able to see beyond her prejudice. The sad thing is she is trying to make you choose between her and your fiance. It's not really fair. Do you have an aunt or friend you are close to who could act as your mother at your wedding? What about your father? You could try talking to your mother and telling her this is the man you are going to marry and have her grandchildren with. Call her bluff, I'm pretty sure she'll change her mind.

best wishes

Answer 8

My husband is Mexican too,we have three daughters 2-gether,and my mom is not racist,she communicates with alot of people in life,of all races. She WAS raised to be racist but it never stuck on her: she's the nicest Momma in the whole world in my eyes. Your Momma will come around ,it just takes time!

Answer 9

If you are sure there is not anything else about him about him that give her a bad feeling then what can you do send her a nice big 11x 24 (or what ever size) photo of you and your husband on your wedding day!

Answer 10

IF your in love go 4 it. BUT MOST MEXICANS LOOK 4 A WIFE to stay in the USA.I have 5 gf after the wedding they started to beat them and then they finally left. THEy dont care they are here now no matter what. AS long as they marry an american. MAYBE that what your mother feels. I hope its real. I PRAY he stays with you. btw most of them have wives in mexico too.