My ex-boyfriend is attempting to contact me again. We broke up on really bad terms and a lot of drama followed. He tried to ruin my life. Now its been almost a year and I am seeing someone new that I am incredibly happy with. My ex just called me tonight wanting to hang out. Maybe I'm over analyzing. I don't want to be mean to my ex and totally blow him off, but I don't want to be his friend and I don't want to ruin what I have with my new boyfriend. I don't even think there is a line where we could be friends. I'm very confused and I don't know what to do. I would definatly choose my new bf over my ex. I just still have a soft spot for him since we were off and on for 5 years. Any insight? Thanks!
2006-11-13 13:44:46 · 13 answers · asked by athespiangirl 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
I told him I couldn't hang out tonight anyway, but I need help for future phone calls.
2006-11-13 13:46:35 · update #1
trust me, it sounds like a bad idea to even talk to him because you will get even more confused, if he actually tried ruining your life then i dont think he deserves **** from you except maybe a black eye. hun, dont let yourself get hurt, and dont hurt your new boyfriend, just dont answer the phone and hope he gets the hint, if he doesnt... then answer and tell him straight up.
2006-11-13 13:46:42 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Trust your instincts, not to mention your experiences!
You may not bear him bad will and your old relationship may have had some good parts, but that doesn't mean you have to let him back in your life in any way. You don't even need to waste time feeling guilty about it. After all, he tried to ruin your life! And even if he hadn't, well, you've been there, gotten the T-shirt, and you've moved on. "Goodbye and good luck."
Also, I can pretty much guarantee his motives aren't pure. I very much doubt that he just wants to hang out or just be friends.
(Edited addition)
If you don't have caller ID and an answering machine already, get them. Don't answer the phone at all unless you know who it is.
If you do happen to talk to him, a simple polite "Gee, I simply can't." is all you owe him. You don't owe him explanations or excuses.
2006-11-13 13:53:01 · answer #2 · answered by IrritableMom 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Like the other person said, Just say no, but do it nicely. tell him that your glad that he's doing ok, but that at this time in your life, mention new bf, it wouldnt be a good idea to "hang out".. that should take care of it for a while.. if he tried to ruin your life and you have moved on then there is really noreason.. i understand your "soft Spot " though, .. but i say still , tell him No :) good luck hun
**Edit~
Tell him about your new boyfriend. "it's n ot a good idea right now.. if he doesnt get it with you trying to be nice about it, then be blunt if u must.. it sounds like you know it would be best for you to now go that route.. GL
Edit II: I had no idea that your avatar looks like my twin!!! lol
2006-11-13 13:48:46 · answer #3 · answered by smokingstonersweetheart 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If he tried to ruin your life it doesn't sound like a very good person. If you are completely happy with yoru new bf then I would tell your ex that you are with someone new and you don't think that you should hang out with him. Tell him it is out of respect for your bf and you would not like him hanging out with his ex gf. I would end all contact after that and try to avoid him at all cost. He might try to ruin your life again, you never know!
2006-11-13 13:49:11 · answer #4 · answered by cmsmith114 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
tell your ex that you are in a relationship that you are very ahppy with, and you don't want any drama. Tell him thank you for the offer, but you will have to pass. You shouldn't have lunch with someone who tried to ruin your life, lol.
If you really want to go maybe you should talk to your new boyfriend about it. I mean, bring him along. Call your ex back, and be like "yeah, I'm bringing my boyfriend along, he's really great..." etc.
That way you make it clear you saw him and you weren't interested.
I like the first idea better, and its not likely your boyfriend will help you with the second part...
Good luck!
2006-11-13 13:48:49 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well I know how that is: I recently went through the same thing. I did ignore my ex and trust me he got the picture and hasn't contacted me since. I wasn't trying to be mean to him by ignoring him, but I didn't want to say anything hurtful either. You should do what you feel is best is your situation. If you are really close to your new bf than maybe you should talk to him about this and see what his insight is.
2006-11-13 13:48:43 · answer #6 · answered by Mandy M 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Just tell him politely that you dont want to see him anymore because you're in another relationship with someone else and your very happy with your new boyfriend, and wish him all the best with his future....and hang up....your ex has to understand that you've moved ahead with your life and look forward for your future, you do not want to dwell on your past, because you wont get far in life, you go farward not backward....dont you?
Good Luck from Down Under.....
2006-11-13 14:00:30 · answer #7 · answered by AGS429 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Only you know what right for you and if you feel that communicating with your ex would not be the right thing to do then tell him that you have moved on and would appreciate some space.
2006-11-13 13:47:10 · answer #8 · answered by Vernee B 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He might be trying to get back together with u but since u don't want to tell him that u don't think u would be comfortable or what ever......or just make up excuses or change ur phone # lol
2006-11-13 13:47:53 · answer #9 · answered by Heyhey 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
change your number. Dont get into that drama again.... turn the ringer off, get caller ID, whatever it takes but DONT ANSWER THE PHONE!!!! Forget the soft spot, dont let him take advantage.
2006-11-13 13:52:02 · answer #10 · answered by Jay Jay 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋