LOL...funny quotes ♥ ?

Question

Hey guys.
Share some funny quotes you know and be sure to list which website you got it from...thanx!!! ♥

Answer 1

"I trust no one; not even myself." --Joseph Stalin

"They're giving bank robbing a bad name." --John Dillinger (when asked by a newsman what he thought of Bonnie and Clyde)

"Kill them all, God will recognize his own." --Arnald-Amalric (1208,when asked by the Crusaders what to do with the citizens of Beziers who were a mixture of Catholics and Cathars)

"Them that dies will be the lucky ones!" --Long John Silver

Answer 2

In an editorial for the information of the worldwide, Pietersen reported: “on the 2nd, being element of the britain squad is a fantastically damn lonely place to be. We don’t choose anybody to let us know how dreadful we've been on Friday or the way it’s needed we salvage something from those final 2 video games. We understand that each and every time we celebration as a team. It’s our accountability to place it suitable, no person else’s. There’s no person who can dig England out of this hollow different than ourselves.” “Now, although, it may desire to be that I could desire to alter my ideas-set slightly. each and every thing that has long gone in this wintry climate has merely intensified the stress and the expectancy and it’s substitute into mentally gruelling and perplexing to maintain doing the comparable issues,” he provides. additionally, to substantiate from a 2nd source "on the 2nd, being element of the britain squad is a fantastically damn lonely place to be ... the only interest we've gained this wintry climate became into right down to the reality the West Indies could not upload up good." Kevin Pietersen reiterates the misery he at the instant feels as England's excursion of the Caribbean attracts to a special -Mar 29, 2009

Answer 3

Rodney Dangerfield quotes:

A girl phoned me the other day and said, "Come on over, there's nobody home." I went over. Nobody was home.

My wife has to be the worst cook. I don't believe meatloaf should glow in the dark

Mark Twain:

I have never let my schooling interfere with my education

Wrinkles should merely indicate where smiles have been.

It is better to keep your mouth shut and appear stupid than to open it and remove all doubt

Go to Heaven for the climate, Hell for the company

Bumper Sticker Quotes

I'm not a complete idiot, some parts are missing."

"I just got a new car for my wife today. Best trade I ever made."

source
http://quotations.about.com/od/funnyquotes/a/stickerquotes.htm

Answer 4

Groucho Marx (the guy who the funny bushy eyebrows and big nose glasses were patterned after) was one silly fellow. Here are some of his gems:

Last night I shot an elephant in my Pajamas and how he got in my pajamas I'll never know. http://www.workinghumor.com/quotes/groucho_marx.shtml

You've got the brain of a four-year-old boy, and I'll bet he was glad to get rid of it.
http://watchfuleye.com/groucho.html

Answer 5

"Lvee is two minutes, 52 seconds of squishing noises. It shows your miond isn't clicking right" - Johnny Rotten

Answer 6

Here are about 300 I have collected..

http://users.cnnw.net/~plehne/taglines.htm