we've been together for almost 5 years and have a very strong relationship. but we're in a new situation. we are both new to NYC, he started his first year of law school and i am here in my 2nd year of teaching at a NYC school. we're both busy...but he's been talking tothis girl at law school online quite often. i'm worried. should i be? we've talked about it, he has a hard time making friends so he thinks i should be understanding. i don't know. he didn't want me to eat lunch with another male teacher bc he thinks it can lead to things. and yet his reasoning is that he has a hard time making friends and it's lonely being by yourself in school. is his mind into this new girl?
2006-11-13 10:38:04 · 23 answers · asked by ymk 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
I would reason with him that if it's good for you, it's good for me.
What's the matter? Don't you trust me?
If this is going to be the context of your conversations it isn't going to last much longer. Either you're gonna go off of the deep end like most insecure females and push him away with your jealousy or he's gonna cut you loose because you're smothering him.
That scenario will work both ways.
I've lived on the smothered male side before and all I said is that if you can catch me, knock yourself out. You can't catch me doing something I'm not doing. Eventually she gave up accusing me. Needless to say, it didn't last anyhow.
It doesn't matter. If you're a jealous person by nature, no answer is ever gonna do it for you.
If he's possessive by nature it's only going to be a matter of time before you're aggravated into not having any friends or worse yet, dead because it'll be a situation where "if I can't have you, no one can".
Straighten him out now or prepare for the worst.
Take this advice with a grain of salt. I hope it never comes true but, those are distinct possibilities. Just ask any abused person of a possessive or jealous partner. This is ALWAYS how it starts.
People with control issues.
BOL
2006-11-13 10:50:53 · answer #1 · answered by WHY? 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Read your question, out loud, to yourself. What would you tell a friend or your sister if she just asked YOU this question? Don't you think questioning his ability to be faithful is enough of a warning? If you're asking now, you'll always question it. This may be of help but it takes a lot of courage and faith, if you have enough self-respect to leave, but tell him why. You might just be the one to redeem him, to make him get help or cause him to change or look at himself. When someone cheats, it is rarely if ever the other person's fault(you in this instance), it is usually based on fear or some betrayal that the person isn't consciously aware of. If you are seriously considering a life time with this person, and you know he has cheated on others in the past, it would be prudent to take some time apart and possibly get yourself some counseling too. At least you'd have a PROFESSIONAL opinion and not some fool's online opinion. This is a life decision it is much more involved than Y answerer's can answer. I hope I have shed a bit of light. Best of luck!
2016-03-28 04:43:55 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would ask him how he would feel if you had a male friend that you were chatting with online and then mention to him that he didn't ask you how you would feel about him chatting online with the girl he's communicating with. Tell him if he can hang and chat with this girl then why can't you go have lunch with your co-worker of the opposite sex? It's a two way street and I'm sorry attraction can happen in either circumstance. While you want to trust in a relationship he also has to respect your feelings. And... if it's no big deal then why don't you all 4 meet together for dinner some night? That would clear some of the insecurities up. (and we all have em) let me know how it turns out. good luck
2006-11-13 10:47:48 · answer #3 · answered by dribble 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Only he knows whether his mind is into her. You have the right to demand that what is sauce for the goose is sauce for the gander. But that's not the real issue. The real issue is your relationship. Require that he respect you and you give him respect. It just doesn't seem right that he can have a female friend and you can't eat lunch with a male teacher. What that tells me is that he's quite insecure. You sure you want to be connected with such a guy? Think about it.
2006-11-13 10:50:54 · answer #4 · answered by DelK 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Best to have complete trust in each other and to give each other the benefit of the doubt. Act as if the male teacher might be your bf's new best friend, and his email buddy might be yours. Without trust you don't have anything. With trust, you both have found two new friends. Have fun in the big city - together!
2006-11-13 10:47:09 · answer #5 · answered by slippped 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
all of my life i have never seen a male and female just be friends, NEVER, I was once in the same situation. my bf was talking with a girl at his study and emailing her alot, i read some of the emails and i was not impressed with what i read.
In the past i have tried to make friends with male's and every time i found out they were just friends with me because they liked me more then that, some of them even had g/f's , and once i find out and i reject them they dont even want to know me anymore, and i have found every single female my bf has been friends with there has always been some sort of attraction, either him liking her or she likes him.
2006-11-13 10:44:16 · answer #6 · answered by ros_0123 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If he can tell you not to eat lunch with someone, then you should be able to tell him you don't like him chatting with this female classmate. If he's not understanding, then start eating lunch with the male teacher again....fair is fair, and it sounds like he wants you to cut off your life with males, but refuses to do the same.
2006-11-13 10:41:17 · answer #7 · answered by D S 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He dosen't have any reason to tell you you can't eat lunch with another male teacher. He has to understand that if he is going to have female friends you can have male friends.
2006-11-13 10:42:23 · answer #8 · answered by Lil Meli 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like a double standard! Insist if he is going to be friends with this girl.. Her and her bf./husband should get together with the 2 of you .
But , better yet, he really should find a man to be friends with if his having a woman friend is causing you concern..
2006-11-13 10:42:00 · answer #9 · answered by Susan Beck 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i think you should trust him. trust is the most important thing in a relationship. i say trust any bloke completely till they prove u wrong . 1 chance is enough. but yeh give him the benefit of the doubt at the moment. laters x
2006-11-13 10:44:23 · answer #10 · answered by bxtr_ml 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋